Final Fantasy VII Sidequest: The Hunt For Crashed Gelnika

In this episode Chris loses control of Haney, we plunge the depths of the Gelnika, have a Bone Village of a time, and finally make our way back to Midgar. Thanks for listening!

❗First Encounter contains adult themes such as violence, sexual content, and adult language. Listener discretion is advised.

View Uncorrected AI Interpreted Episode Transcript

Haney 0:05
Hey, listener first encounter is an explicit podcast by grownups for grownups. Content warnings can be found in the episode description. This episode is for me. All right? Tell him tell him Hani sent. Yeah, this episode is just for me.

Chris 0:18
Do you remember where we’re going with this thing?

Haney 0:20
Yeah, I got to go to the other continent and swim upstream. If I remember, right, it’s like over here.

Chris 0:27
Once a year, kludd swims upstream to mate lays eggs.

Haney 0:44
You can cut that, like Yeah, yeah. Can I yeah. Yeah. 321 I just sprayed beer all over your screen to perfect. Hey, Hey, welcome to the first encounter. Global worldwide.

Chris 1:04
Where did this one you got to come up with something different mass

Haney 1:07
produce. I got one. I got one. Oh, just a minute. All right. I’m waiting. I’m holding.

Chris 1:12
Welcome back to Final Fantasy seven. The hit spin off game to the popular fighting game. Or guys. God bless the ring. Or energize or guys. Are you okay? It was a fighting game with Final Fantasy seven characters.

Haney 1:27
Isn’t that just called? Brothers? Brothers now? So

Chris 1:33
it’s actually PlayStation AllStars?

Haney 1:34
Is that a game?

Chris 1:35
Yeah, it’s a PlayStation. Smash Brothers rip off. Cool. You know what’s funny is I think snakes in it. And he’s also in Smash Brothers Snake.

Haney 1:46
Snake is in Smash Brothers,

Chris 1:47
isn’t he? Yeah, yes. Because he’s got the box and you can blow stuff up

Haney 1:51
sick. I don’t play a ton of Smash Brothers. Oh, that’s

Chris 1:55
gonna be a bonus. Something.

Haney 1:57
My wife really enjoys it now. She’s

Unknown Speaker 2:00
sorry.

Haney 2:02
She’s definitely better than I am at it. Um, I mean, Sephiroth and cloud are also and aren’t they? Yeah, yeah. Well, I think we’ve talked about enough things that aren’t Final Fantasy. You want to talk about Final Fantasy?

Chris 2:14
Yeah, this episode is brought to you by you, our patrons, thank you so much for supporting us. And if you also want to help grow and keep the show alive, go to patreon.com slash first encounter

Haney 2:24
Will say your name on an episode. It’s true. If you do stuff, you also get other benefits. But to me, that’s the most important one. Thanks, actually, that really like the first time I subscribed to a Patreon was literally just to hear my name on it that joined the party. It was very funny. They said my name right to Wow. Yeah. All right, which is not easy. So I don’t actually know how my name should be pronounced fun fact about me. All right. Yeah, that is fun. Actually, we’ll learn one day,

Chris 2:52
if you support us on Patreon. Yeah,

Haney 2:53
if you support us on Patreon, I’ll take an Arabic class and learn how to pronounce my name. Alright. I also don’t have time to take a language class. You don’t

Chris 3:01
have time to do things. You literally don’t have time to be here right now.

Haney 3:05
Sorry, accurate. Neither do you actually. So we should probably jump on into this.

Chris 3:08
Here we go. Oh, what a time we had got some fun stuff in here.

Haney 3:14
I have no regrets. I had a blast. This was a lot of fun for me. So we boot up our save file. And we were at a bit of a loss for where to start for the day. So I told Chris, hey, let’s go back. See what else we can do with the crashes cave, if you Will. I don’t know. We learn from Chris that I need to complete 10 random encounters in order to go back and receive Vincent’s final weapon and final Limit Break. This is the first time I’ve ever sought out random encounters in this game. I need you to account for me. I was 110 Yeah, we’re doing this. I’m making you set. Oh, you’re doing it now. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Yeah.

Chris 4:04
That was probably worth it. Right.

Haney 4:05
Yeah. kind of blew my load on that one. My NP load if you Will. Oh, I see you. Oh, excellent.

Chris 4:14
I’m just trying to figure out how you can make that into a shirt that people actually

Haney 4:17
I just blew my MP in parentheses load. I’m gonna take my crocs off. Oh, I’m sorry. Did I forget to show you my suede and leather crocs. Whoo, girl. You ever seen anything so handsome? Are there a problem here? Ah, God, I like crocs. They’re comfy and easy to wear. Alright. That was three.

Unknown Speaker 4:45
Four.

Chris 4:46
I can’t believe this is happening. Oh, I

Haney 4:49
can. The Kiwi monster haven’t seen that guy in a while. This doesn’t even seem right anymore.

Chris 4:55
No, this is bad. You’re a bad man.

Haney 4:57
I’m literally just going out into the countryside. murdering animals. I feel like our royal from the British family that 544 God you can’t even keep track. I can’t. What kind of assistant? Are you? That seven or eight? That was six. Those six. Yeah, I said I think this is six. Chris. Why don’t you listen to me? So this is seven. This is seven.

Chris 5:23
Yeah, what the fuck? I feel like I’ve been here for hours.

Haney 5:27
It’s literally been four minutes. Do you think Benson ever runs out of bullets? Like why don’t I have to buy bullets for his gun?

Chris 5:35
We’re gonna shut us down.

Haney 5:39
I do like the server dirge of serverless. That’s for like the one guy who works in it.

Chris 5:47
The fuck are you talking about serverless

Haney 5:49
architecture. Nevermind. Don’t worry about it. That’s not important.

Chris 5:56
Was my least favorite episode.

Haney 6:00
Welcome to the grind time. We received death penalty, which is Vincent’s final weapon as far as I’m aware. And we also receive his final Limit Break chaos. Hell yeah. So we equip death penalty. However, I do not have enough limit breaks under my belt with Vincent to use chaos yet. So on the way from lucretius cavern to our next stop, we noticed that one of weapon I don’t know how to say it like a weapon. The big purple dragon one is just kind of floating around having a real weapon of a time. And I attacked it. Sure did. I actually technically did beat it. But you don’t get anything from it. Yeah, it just runs away, which is kind of like okay,

Chris 6:45
yeah, it just starts zooming around the map. Yeah,

Haney 6:46
we ran into it a couple more times and just isn’t like it always just runs away. It reminded me of sweet tune from Chris. Yeah. 100% it didn’t really impact anything, but it was just a fun thing that happened and I wanted to mention, okay.

Chris 7:01
Oh, there it is.

Haney 7:03
What do you think is gonna go? Come back? Come back. I’m gonna find its nest, sir, sir. Well,

Chris 7:11
I guess you just unleashed that on the world.

Haney 7:13
I’m sure it’s fine. After that, I decided I’m really enjoying my submarine times now. So let’s just go. Let’s go exploring. Let’s do a little Splunk in how do you feel about that, Chris?

Chris 7:23
I feel okay. It’s quite the about face from your last summary in time

Haney 7:28
when I was never going to use the one I was like, this is fine. That’s gonna stay here. Well, it’s occurred to me that there’s a rich world out there, Christopher Yeah. Which I’m just not really getting to explore much. I think this is probably the most I’ve ever forced your hand to let me just explore on podcast. So we take to our submarine and just really plunged those depths

Chris 7:51
just really fill the ocean. Huh?

Haney 7:55
What do you think we’re gonna do today?

Chris 7:57
We’re excited for you to learn. Are you?

Haney 7:59
Yeah. Is it mid guy? Now? Can this episode be called Hanny’s? rockhard for mid guard?

Chris 8:05
Probably not.

Haney 8:07
You realize that when the controller is in my hand, I wield an absurd amount of power over you, right? Oh, boy. That’s a lot of blue. I was very lost for a moment there and very afraid.

Chris 8:17
Just like the real ocean.

Haney 8:19
I was saying the head make it an afraid the Hani story. Because he seemed displeased with me today. I brought all this good energy for you and you trip.

Chris 8:28
You know what? You’re right. And I apologize. I’ll be better for you.

Haney 8:31
Literally all I wanted you to say for the past 20 years. It’s just I’ll be better for you. Have you ever been here?

Chris 8:41
I don’t like this place. Why? This is where we slept with that prostitute. If I remember correctly, we did. Do you not remember that?

Haney 8:50
furiously tries to dock harder. Well, like I’m curious about that shipwreck app? Yeah, yeah,

Chris 8:56
I want to know if you want to check that out. Go for it.

Haney 8:59
Let’s fucking go for it

Chris 9:00
is over here somewhere. You’re gonna have a hard time finding it in the middle of the ocean.

Haney 9:04
Oceans not that big.

Chris 9:06
You please your fringe science I know.

Haney 9:10
I mean, I’m just saying the earth is hollow. So the ocean can’t be that deep, you know? Otherwise, it would all drain

Chris 9:15
out exactly.

Haney 9:22
What we end up exploring is just really fucking cool. As we’re just plunged in the depths with our Shinra branded submarine. We start kind of just looking at things. And there’s one thing in particular I’m pretty interested in, which is a crashed airship. I guess it’s like a like an airplane. It really looks

Chris 9:40
like that’s where you find them.

Haney 9:41
Yeah. That

Chris 9:43
way. It’s an ocean plane.

Haney 9:45
Yeah. All right. This is a really interesting thing that I think is another completely optional aside that you could miss. But I was really into wanting to like check it out. So Chris, let me just do a little explore.

Chris 10:00
Let you as a strong word,

Haney 10:02
Chris didn’t get the controller out of my hands fast enough. And I’m still got about 25 pounds of quarantine weight on him. So I was able to body block him from taking the controller away. So we kind of just crash right into this underwater airship thing. And cloud says, Hey, this is the shinners galnac a type airplane. I wonder why I went down here. That’s weird. It’s a good question. Yeah, I have the same question. We’re able to kind of explore it like a mini dungeon.

Chris 10:28
And I believe the first thing you did was bumped into our good friends the Turks route in Reno and about faced immediately it was like, nope, that was the quickest about face.

Yeah. You walked into the room and we’re going now good.

Haney 10:42
So after deciding to Nope, out of the Turks way, we go into a rear section of the plane that is just kind of an open area and cloud says what’s going on here must be some kind of Research Establishment. There’s a maker generator. The thing that’s of note in this room is all the bucket and chests that have really good stuff in them. I mean, we got a ton of just various shit. I think we got a guard that’s like a new armor thing. We got several people’s like super powerful weapons, which is super tight for me because y’all know I love me a shopping episode. And it’s been a while since I could go shopping. Yeah, the dead haunted looking Chris’s eyes just remembering. Just gonna clip together the 10 hours of shopping right here. Subscribe on Patreon at the $5 here to get a full uncut shopping episode. Oh my god. Could you imagine how awful that would be terrible. Can you imagine how horrible you’re gonna have a time editing this doctor already? I’m sure it’s fine. It’s fine. So aside from all the good, good, good, good, good, good weapons and spells and items that are down here. I think the thing that sticks out most to me is the absolute bonkers enemy design. Oh, fuckin a I’ll go deal with the Turks in a second. Not today. But just notice the chinar logo on this one. What is this place must be some kind of a Research Establishment. Because there’s a Maiko generator. Well, you may go we make out with makers. Like that. Was that was a good one. Whoa. Why is that abnormal breath.

Chris 12:25
Do you think that’s okay,

Haney 12:26
I’m gonna turn into a gallium Yeah, I don’t know if that’s okay. I’m gonna do this just in case and then I’m going to sense what that thing is. This is terrible. Unknown to level 51 I don’t like that. So this must just be some sort of nightmare. Like Shinra shit. Did I save this thing? We might end meeting. Oh,

Unknown Speaker 12:54
I can a

Chris 12:56
time to panic.

Haney 12:57
I’m panics. Goodbye. Goodbye. Holy shit. Are you aware of this thing? That was a random encounter a just

Chris 13:06
a random encounter?

Haney 13:07
Hmm. Unknown. Two is the sketchiest to me was that the tongue one? That’s the one that’s like it looks like a flower with a skull face and has like a snake coming out of the eye socket.

Chris 13:19
Yeah. And like a bunch of tentacles just all over the place just flopping around. And

Haney 13:23
they’re also crazy high level. They’re all like level 50 or above. They have extremely strong, just everything. They one shot all my characters frequently. And they have just awful, awful things just happen from them. I the design is bad. They’re crazy stroke. Sorry. Let me try that again. The design is terrifying. But it’s really cool. They’re incredibly strong. They’re very unrelenting. And I think we had to ratchet up the death counter once or twice down here. Yeah. Had a real nightmare. Shinra the time this definitely seems to be where Shinra was doing some real bad bad experimentation. Oh, fuck, fuck. Please don’t be moving. Oh god.

Chris 14:12
We’re going better.

Haney 14:13
The fuck is this? Oh my god. That’s horrifying. But did it just get healed? thing is a nightmare. Oh, thank god no problem. heezy Jesus. That was a lot.

Chris 14:30
This must be the cargo room. This is terrible. It’s all messed up.

Haney 14:35
Oh, I see a summons Give me that shiny. If it’s the unknown to I’m gonna vomit and throw up. Oh, no. What is that thing?

Chris 14:44
Is this better or worse? I can’t tell.

Haney 14:49
This is unknown three. I don’t think I like it. Man, they’re doing some really Shinra shit back here homie. We got a really strong one. Have you fees called conformer? And that’s probably been my favorite weapon to have. Right now. I have that with 2x on it which is just real murdering of the time. Yeah, I think that was really what got me through this because I just had up just heavy hidden Yeah, thank you fee as best up I’ve discovered

Chris 15:19
I’m glad you’re using up

Haney 15:20
Yeah, I’m actually having a really good time with up and Vincent and cloud as my party after clearing out all the loot from here, including a summons that I believe Chris actually said he forgot about completely, which has turned into my favorite summons Hades. We decided to go back and just confront those good good techs and see what they’re up to. Obviously, because they are who they are, they’re up to no good. Do you remember what they’re doing?

Chris 15:45
I think they’re recovering weapons.

Haney 15:46
That’s what I was under the impression as well that they’re getting something from the gal Nika that we needed to take a leave of them. Yeah, yeah. We’ll cut that in here. All right. Well, that was a nightmare, but I think we’re good. I use 10. I did. Yes. All right. I’m gonna go beat up some text to make myself feel better. Turks.

Chris 16:05
Again, we just seem to keep running into each other lately. There were weapons and material developed solely to destroy Sephora.

Haney 16:14
But it was attacked by a weapon and sunk to the bottom of the sea.

Chris 16:17
I can’t give you what’s here. We’ll take out Sephora. I guess this is our last meeting.

Haney 16:22
I won’t let you get in our way. Ruth so cool.

Chris 16:26
They just want to beat Sephora. I feel like we can. Yeah, and I’m standing here, but instead,

Haney 16:31
you know what I’m gonna do? beat the shit out of them. I like crude. He’s cool. I like all the tax honestly. They’re all pretty cool. I’m very concerned about what’s gonna happen to Elena because she is absolutely not in adventure engine.

Chris 16:45
She probably just gets a desk job or something.

Haney 16:47
I hope but I feel like it might be worse.

Chris 16:51
So you cast reflect. And then he’ll foc bio three m tentacles use the tentacles on rude. Ghana. So she did cast that on you in her confusion,

Haney 17:06
but it reflected Yes. And also kassai Jen. I think we’re doing okay, here. This is this is ideal when you say you’re so cocky. Yeah, really feeling that? The effects of that now. After spanking those Turks and sending them on their way we decided to surface and continue the story. This was actually a good chunk of this gameplay was just clearing out the gal Nika. It was well worth it for me. Aside from just getting all that really sweet. Just everything. There’s a tiny bit of story in there. That’s just kind of interesting. And also just getting to see the really fucking weird character designs that they pulled off here was really exciting for me, too.

Chris 17:43
It was definitely a good stop on our journey.

Haney 17:46
Yeah, for sure. So after finishing out the gal, Nika, I decided to try and just really irritate Chris by just avoiding the main story at all costs, and denying him of any content for a solid episode of the show. So I thought, hey, let’s go back to digging for that good, good mid Gar pass the key how to how to go.

Chris 18:07
I mean,

Haney 18:08
I got the path, you got to I got the path. So we make our way up to the bone village, if you Will.

Chris 18:16
I’ve seen more bone villages

Haney 18:19
if I had a nickel for every bone village. So I don’t think this episode is going to be exactly what you thought it was going to be. I know. But that’s okay.

Chris 18:28
I’m enjoying it.

Haney 18:29
What can I What Can I interest you in today, Christopher? I don’t actually remember where we’re supposed to go. You tell me. Now we’re going to fight Sephora. I wonder what the inside of that cave looks like? You think Sephora is just sitting in there waiting for Meteor? Yeah, actually. I mean, that’s exactly what I think. I wonder what Samp wraps up team. Thank you for that. We saved the world if we beat Sephora. I’m pregnant, but I’ll do my best. Let’s hurry to the northern cape. pretty clear. All right. And I think it’s pretty clear that we are now heading to niflheim. Let’s go. I don’t want to go to the northern cape. I’m not ready for the game to end yet. Can I interest you in mid guard perhaps? Wasn’t there key that I needed for Midgar

Chris 19:12
diary. You can find that and we’re not doing that again.

Haney 19:16
The Lunar harp is somewhere on the ground here. We could start excavating it for you if you want us to start digging. Good treasure, right? I bet it’s like right next to the jet isn’t it? We dig up the bone village and the whole village. Just the whole village gone the whole thing. Dig

Chris 19:34
it all up. Good riddance

Haney 19:35
and we find ourselves a mid garki. Take it back to mid Gar and break right in. This is my first time back at mid Gar since we first left. Yeah, not for lack of trying. No I definitely tried to get

Chris 19:49
back. I just saw a weapon fly overhead.

Haney 19:53
I know I just saw the shadow. I was like okay.

Unknown Speaker 19:58
God That’s funny. My keys. Sucks to suck. How do I get in? there? You

Chris 20:05
tried the door.

Haney 20:06
All this the sector seven. And it’s a key to sector five. Oh, well, fuck me, I guess. All right. Dude, it’s been so long as you walk in to Midgar for the first time you come upon Harris church. When you walk inside there are two children playing in Eretz flower garden. And there’s also a ghostly image of airth. As you approach the earth image starts blinking and then disappears. That was horrible. Just straight up that was so unnecessary and depressing. It gave me the like, slightest bit of like, oh, and then oh, I hated it, Chris. I’m gonna be okay. Don’t worry about me. Just need a minute. Take me to church. Whoa, whoa. Wait, why? Why is there there? Oh, that was depressing. I hated that. Hey, where’s the power lady? Oh, my heart. Oh, why? Oh, man. I don’t like that Eric was there. That was depressing. After getting our hearts wrenched open, we decided to go have a real Midgar of a time check in on all of our greatest hits. Check out um, guy he’s gonna sing. He’s not there anymore. Check out Elmira his house. No one’s there saying man that’s fine. Check out wall market no one’s there. Try to climb the rope to get back up dition with our ropes gone ropes gone no good nothing there’s nothing all of the shops are still garbage The only thing we got was as we’re exploring wall market popped out a little heads ease into the weapon shop over there that initially fired its gun at you when you walk in. But this time it gives up a weapon. fortiva love it. That was I think the only takeaway I had from mid guard which real depressing. Day Dan did it in Denton. Man How much did you miss being in mid guy? To be fair, you gave me no direction so I had to choose my own path

Chris 22:19
told you to talk to your party members and they told you that

Haney 22:21
they wanted to go in the game and I’m not ready for that yet.

Chris 22:23
That’s not the game doesn’t end there. I’m

Haney 22:25
sure it does. I think I know a little bit more about you. I had a to do list here, sir. Oh, no. Oh,

Chris 22:32
it’s been so long.

Haney 22:33
He died.

Chris 22:34
We made him wait too long.

Haney 22:36
Oh. Something tells me I did not need to come back here.

Chris 22:41
Yeah, at least have to go back to Walmart.

Haney 22:42
Oh, I know exactly where I’m going. But you’re gonna hate it. I’m going to Shin rage q i need a good strong weapon. I told you I had a to do list and I told you how I was going to execute it and you didn’t listen. So whose fault is it? Really? Chris? I’m trying

Chris 22:57
to figure out how far I can let this go.

Haney 23:02
On Time is it’s 240 say Oh no. Remember how that was my first case? Oh, yeah.

Chris 23:11
You ever just kick a house today?

Haney 23:13
I don’t understand the problem. Chris. I have given you nothing but the solid content going the

Chris 23:18
wrong way.

Haney 23:19
Do you not want my content? Oh, why is this happening? Where are you going? Playing around? I don’t know where to go before you doing I need to find Shinra HQ up. Can I interest you and wherever this is. I genuinely don’t remember. Do you remember? Oh, it just became very clear. Well, I’m glad that you know the nightlife business is thriving. Oh no. Shinra shut down the CBN here the Shinra have occupied this shop oh god who What does that mean? Let’s

Chris 23:53
leave that item shop is what you

Haney 23:58
don’t want to get shot. Oh a little little punchy for Tifa oh my god this slice is so confusing.

Chris 24:06
What is happening?

Haney 24:07
Can you remind me how to get tition Hq it’s through mall market

Chris 24:11
you got to climb the thing?

Haney 24:15
That’s right It’s low where they spray paint right Yeah. Me trying to determine how much I care about a fucking megaphone versus how much I care about annoying me see it’s it’s this filler episodes that you got to put in before the final the finale?

Chris 24:30
There. We’re not at the end of the game. You got space before you

Haney 24:35
I’m gonna go up north. I’m gonna kick Seth Ross at some one shot cuz I’m too strong. Oh, avalanche. Oh, god dammit gun. How do I get up there? Chrissy? Right.

Chris 24:47
That’s unfortunate.

Unknown Speaker 24:49
What above?

Haney 24:52
My do you make me and that’s where we’re going to end today’s episode.

Chris 24:57
Thanks for listening to this final episode of reverse In Canada, I

Haney 25:00
thought it might be the last one. But thanks so much for listening to the first encounter podcast. If you want the journey to continue please support us@patreon.com slash first encounter and tell one other Final Fantasy seven lover you know about the show? Find our socials and contact info at first encounter podcast calm, please stop by and say hey, our intro and outro music is by Alden Zach

Want the journey to continue? Support the show on PATREON, and follow us on TWITTER, INSTAGRAM, and YOUTUBE. Our intro and outro music is by ALDEN ZAC.