We break into that sexy pirate fortress, blow up a few times, get kicked out a few times, and find a weird egg.

❗First Encounter contains adult themes such as violence, sexual content, and adult language. Listener discretion is advised.

View Uncorrected AI Interpreted Episode Transcript
Haney 0:05
Hey listener first encounters an explicit podcast by grownups for grownups. content warnings can be found in the episode description. Do you think one day we’ll get our first comment like three or four years from now? That’s like, I missed the old Kristen Hani. You know how like, that’s inevitably like a comment that comes up over like, like years of like, yeah, like being like a podcaster. Like YouTuber or something. Yeah,

Chris 0:27
I can’t

Haney 0:28
I can’t wait to get our

Chris 0:30
after. To fucking Taylor Swift and ticket.

Haney 0:36
What’s up? It’s your boy, Kenny.

Chris 0:40
Man, we can’t we can’t tweet at Taylor Swift anymore now. Hey, Lois. Hey, welcome. Welcome to another episode of first encounter. And more specifically, you can probably tell another remote intro. So yeah, I don’t really know what to say. You know, where we left off. We’re fucking breaking into a pirate fortress or whatever the buts. But before we get into that, our lovely patrons, one of which is new. Thank you, Beverly, so much for supporting what we’re doing right now.

Haney 1:13
Oh, Beverly. Amazing. Do you feel good about this purchase? Do you feel in job?

Chris 1:24
But yeah, thank Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Beverly. I swear. This isn’t how this was supposed to go. It’s supposed to be better. We were supposed to be better for you. i Why? I don’t know what to say. All I can do is apologize. But as long as I’m apologizing to you might as well apologize to all of our lovely ex potion listeners who support the show. Such as Liza, Josh. Joan fumbling for in the Almighty. crip. Dead I Cody calendrier. Brendan. Ben. Alex, what are you has to stop us? This falls on you.

Haney 2:00
I mean, since we’re passing the buck here and doing apologies all in one, it seems. Let’s let’s toss in a couple more names there such as Denise mom, August and Dr. J.

Chris 2:13
producers who are really to blame more than anyone I would say more so than us even I would say I would argue yes. Without their funds,

Haney 2:23
it’s likely we wouldn’t be able to produce a lot of the things we

Chris 2:25
did. Thank you so much for enabling us.

Haney 2:31
Speaking of enablers do I want to talk about

Chris 2:35
oh, it wasn’t it wasn’t a rhetorical question.

Haney 2:37
No, no, that was pretty direct. I’m looking you in the eye.

Chris 2:42
And, uh, you know, I don’t make eye contact.

Haney 2:45
That’s especially not during

Chris 2:49
never, never want to we’re doing it live. Hey, yeah.

Haney 2:52
I want to talk about wonderful establishment called uncommon coffee. So I found myself in need of some nourishment recently and decided to go on over to uncommon coffee, and I got myself a delightful, hot, medium coffee to go. I know you would think you. You want that right. You’re like, I want to get medium coffee to go. How do I get that? I can’t get that through the mail. But you can get through the mail instead. It’s some of uncommon coffees. Beans. If you

Chris 3:23
fucking email me, I will send you a hot coffee through the mail. I’ll fucking do it. I

Unknown Speaker 3:28
don’t care anymore. Yeah,

Chris 3:31
fucking test me.

Haney 3:35
Do it. Do it. Cowards, email him. Also, while you’re emailing people and looking for coffee, you should head on over to uncommon vi t.com. Click the little shop icon and buy yourself some coffee. They got all sorts of assorted beans. I recommend the Vietnam Opal bold. That’s my favorite. On that checkout page. There’ll be a little box. Well, promo code box and you can put in the word Good, good. All one word and get yourself 10% off. It’s great. It helps uncommon out it helps us out. It helps you out. You get caffeinated. We get caffeinated, uncommon gets caffeinated. It’s great. We’re all caffeinated each other. Yeah. Um, are we entering or unhinge sexy season?

Chris 4:18
I feel like right now since nearly day one.

Haney 4:21
I think I’m I think I’m aiming for a hot podcast or winter.

Chris 4:27
Yeah, all right. Let’s go

Haney 4:41
all right, Chris. Let’s take it back a little bit to times when things are a little simpler. And we knew what we were trying to do. You have an objective starting today out and that objective, if I remember right, was to break into the sexy pirate house. I was going to say wreck pirate booty. Yeah. I think we said the same thing. Yeah, I think so. So you started out wanting to go to the latte bar. But you were like, hey, I can wait on that.

Chris 5:11
Yeah, we started up on day two. And I knew Day Three is kind of when people were trickling, trickling in. Yeah, there were specific people that I had to talk to. Are the Finn stamp,

Haney 5:21
Toto and Garmin, Garmin. You can help them at around that time. You’ve also partially completed totos stage performance thing. Yep. That’s actually why I want to return to that. So you can head back there and maybe wrap that up if you have enough. spunk, if you will.

Chris 5:41
Yeah, yeah. But that’s day three and stay too, so I got some time to kill.

Haney 5:45
So you’re like, I think the pirate fortress is gonna go quick. Let’s do that.

Chris 5:49
Well, so the reason I thought the pirate fortress was gonna go quick. No spoilers. Yeah. But you can probably tell from our tone. What we’re implying here. The pirate fortress and the wonder temple are two different places. Yeah. So it’s like, if there’s two areas that I have to tackle, I’m sure one is a more manageable bite size than the other. Yeah. And I suppose realistically, one of them could have been,

Haney 6:16
it might be because you haven’t seen you don’t have a point of comparison yet.

Chris 6:19
I was talking about the pirate. I feel like maybe my path through Pirate Cove was not as efficient as it could be. So I’m I’m apologizing to our listeners who look to me for their pro Maduro mask strats. As we know, you’re out there.

Haney 6:38
Today is the day I strangled Chris with an XLR cable. So we’re having around and I believe where we started out. You were on the like, in Green Bay where the tank for the the Zuora eggs

Chris 6:53
is Yeah, what do they call it?

Haney 6:56
The Marine Research Laboratory. That’s

Chris 6:58
what it is. So we started the Marine Research Laboratory. Not laboratory

Haney 7:03
laboratory laboratory. Yeah. So you are Zara, dive yourself into the water and start doing some traversing. And you find a new little area that you hadn’t really hit before called Pinnacle rock. And there’s a Zara hanging out there. Yeah, like right at the entrance to Pinnacle rock. And he’s like, Hey, this is Pinnacle rock. Usually, it’s like a fun place to go to, but right now it’s full of fucking murky water that you can’t get through. It’s gonna be dangerous and you’ll get lost if you try to go

Chris 7:38
good news there. If you can snag a goldfish. That’ll get you through it. Yeah, and maybe that’ll be all cool and fucking Pinnacle rock can be the hot shit again. Also for context, Pinnacle rock is on the way toward from the laboratory to the Pirate Cove.

Haney 7:56
Yeah, great Bay is a big bay credible with with what would you

Chris 8:01
say? Right one? Oh, yeah. Maybe once we’re done with it. Yeah. Swim. Whoa.

Haney 8:12
Can I help you? Macau? Have you seen any gold colored fish around here? gold colored fish? No. This area very well. I was thinking of getting one to guide me to Pinnacle rock.

Chris 8:21
Interesting.

Haney 8:23
I heard that the pirates were attacked by sea snakes near the creatures lair. Seems they dropped something precious there. Don’t you wonder what it was me cow. But we’d have to get through that murky water to look for it. We’re all the gold colored fish when we need them.

Chris 8:35
Interesting. All right, well, immediately we already got some good Zuora directions

Haney 8:42
or and the gold colored Fisher Pinnacle rock apparently. Oh, excellent. So you’re like I don’t need a fucking fish. I’m just gonna go into Pinnacle rock. So you submerge yourself underwater and try to walk towards Pinnacle rock following all these little signs that are in the water.

Chris 8:59
Yeah, all the signs also have like arrows pointing in different as if they’re pointing

Haney 9:02
to like the direction of the path you should go. Yeah, definitely. Those are there to confuse you and try to make it harder because they do not work

Chris 9:10
now now. So if you try and swim out to where presumably the sea snakes chill, it kind of just keeps transporting you back to the entrance very

Haney 9:20
like last last woodsy kind of thing. Like if you just take a wrong turn you’ll you’ll end up back at the starting point. Yeah. You found Pinnacle rock. How’s that for

Chris 9:30
you? There’s something

Haney 9:32
there must be was a sign of sign. Yeah,

Chris 9:34
I want her to sign.

Haney 9:35
There must be something in the water. Pinnacle

Chris 9:38
rock ahead. You were murky water and sea snakes. You were my sea snake and I was

Haney 9:43
gonna say my sea snake makes murky water

Chris 9:48
Alright, well all right. I guess we’re just doing this.

Haney 9:52
Yeah, if I could try every drug. What’s on their gold color fish. Oh, you got lost. You need a gold colored fish.

Chris 10:00
A lot signs

Haney 10:02
see snakes layer ahead due to the murky water caution is the device for all who enter dangerous murky water ahead. Bingo Randy. Oh,

Chris 10:10
there’s a lot of signs. You went too far can’t reach that sun. Sorry the sign on the right was gonna say why

Haney 10:17
don’t you follow the sign directions? Seems like you don’t even need a gold colored fish. Definitely do it seems like you don’t even need a gold colored fish

Chris 10:25
fuck Alright, let’s see if we can find some fish fish me called scold fish does All right

Haney 10:33
well that’s Yeah fuck this place so that’s fucking dumb.

Chris 10:38
So we’re gonna move right on from here because stupid

Haney 10:42
so from here you head over to Pirates Cove all the way to Pirates Cove you find a treasure chest and in that treasure chest is a red rupee and you from here on make me make a note every time you get a red rupee. So yeah, I’m gonna have editing Chris. Every time I say you gotta read Ruby Badillo Ruby noise they’re like, Okay, that’s all I want from you.

Chris 11:03
I could do that. Yeah. So you gotta read Ruby? Hell yeah.

Haney 11:07
Oh, hell yeah. You sneak into the Pirate Cove,

Chris 11:12
which previously we had unveiled the entrance to last episode. Yep. And

Haney 11:17
inside of Pirates Cove is kind of like a lagoon in front of a fortress. And it’s clear that you’re not getting into the fortress in any way.

Chris 11:29
We got a bunch of pirates on boats, hot lady pirates and in your area in your area. And they’re kind of just doing circles around the perimeter of the lagoon. And they’ll catch you pretty quick. Yeah, you’re above water.

Haney 11:42
But you can sneak into the water of the lagoon and hide from any of the guards that are patrolling the lagoon waiting for you.

Chris 11:50
Yeah, pretty cool. So we go down.

Unknown Speaker 11:53
Now a lot of fish. Now,

Chris 11:56
it’s very lifeless ocean.

Haney 11:59
Well, they said like everything’s been dying because of the murky water. It’s gonna be teeming with life. And we solve the problems here.

Chris 12:06
I hope so.

Haney 12:07
When we got over here,

Chris 12:08
is this the pirate fork? Seems to be take a little walk with me and I’m walking.

Haney 12:14
I’m right behind you. Ah. Are you gonna be a sneaky Snake?

Chris 12:19
Snake his neck?

Haney 12:20
Or do you think you’re gonna get caught immediately? Yes.

Chris 12:23
Yes. And will they see me if I’m behind them? I don’t know. Go down. Go down. Go down. Go down.

Haney 12:30
That specialists going down. So you appear to be in the Pirate Cove now, don’t get caught.

Chris 12:35
I’m a sneaky snake.

Haney 12:39
So when you go down you find yet another red ruby? Hell yeah.

Chris 12:44
Got it. Um, but as you all there’s a bunch of treasures scattered around.

Haney 12:47
Yeah, they’re all red rubies. So you got another red ruby here?

Chris 12:51
Excellent. Um,

Haney 12:53
but what you also find underwater is a whole bunch of memes Skelly fish that try to eat you don’t like them. You also find a couple of greats that seem like if you could just figure out how to open them, you could probably get in through the dreaming system.

Chris 13:09
So I’m at the bottom of what seems to be kind of a cavaney pool that the parents have set up in. Yeah, I’m at the bottom of the pool running around and the pirates are patrolling the top of the pond looking for me like fucking idiots. They’ll never catch me though.

Haney 13:28
I’ll catch you. Ah, reaction. What’s in here? Ah, you got some rupees. I’m not gonna write that down. What? You’re gonna write that down? Yes.

Chris 13:38
Oh, you found a big screw. Hey, talk about the game.

Haney 13:42
Ah, deadhead. That fish has passed

Chris 13:48
out. So stop. Showed him.

Haney 13:54
Yeah. Ah, got another red ruby.

Chris 13:57
Oh, man. It’s great. Yeah, right, right. Take that note.

Haney 14:02
It’s hidden in here is a good old fashioned wait switch. The typical condoms although where if you apply pressure to it, something happens, something happens. So this weight switch is not underwater. Actually. It’s up on the side of the water. So you have to kind of swim across the lagoon to get to the other side, from where you enter. And that’s where the weight is. You can kind of sneak up onto that without the guys noticing. put weight on it. You get a cutscene of a great opening into the fortress underwater can transform back into Zara. Dive into the water and swim inside. Easy peasy. Hell yeah. Pound it easy. I hear a timer. Gigi.

Chris 14:44
Oh, I hate how the mask.

Haney 14:47
Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. No problem. No problem. By the scuze me pardon

Chris 14:54
my bed.

Haney 14:54
Pardon, Mr. Fish. Please. Mr. Fisher was my father’s name i how i Ah, I would I would just try to get in trying. I’m trying. I’m trying try to get in. If you can. That’s what I want for both of us today. Just get in. So the tunnel opens that the great was previously covering and you swim inside. And at this point, you see a school of golden fish. Oh, hell yeah. You need a goldfish to to get to pick a rock at some point. For some reason, Nick Bay. We spent a while trying to catch these fish that are uncatchable Yeah,

Chris 15:29
because as a czar you can stand in like walk on the bottom of the water. Underwater wherever. Yeah, and you can swing your bottle. Yeah, so it would stand to reason that I can swap up a facial thing my bottle.

Haney 15:42
Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no good. No, no fish. Ah, I found all the fish. Get a gold fish. Just putting this bug under water. Great, right. Have you got Ma’am, may I get that fish?

Chris 16:01
Give me Goddamnit goldfish. You are the chosen ones

Haney 16:06
is supposed to bring balance to the Force. There’s a couple of wood doors that prevent you from moving any further in this tunnel. But Chris figures out how to use his head. And by using his head. I mean, quite literally, he does the Zahra fish tackle. Be ahead and smashes his way through some wood. This is okay.

Chris 16:30
Oh gosh. Now fuck out. Nailed it. Fuck my fucking head. Oh, shit.

Haney 16:43
Are you okay?

Chris 16:45
Well, the way I open doors is by ramming into them. I definitely have numerous concussions.

Haney 16:52
Yeah, yeah, always do.

Chris 16:54
Are there any minds at this point? Or is that further?

Haney 16:57
Not yet right now. But what you do get at this point? It’s another red rupee. Hell yeah, hell yeah. Just choke. Um, so you come up against your first obstacle here, which is a very small maze made out of like cage doors and movable stone blocks. In the center of the maze is the treasure chests containing the red ruby, but your ability to get inside is hampered by your understanding of blocks blocks, because you are convinced that you need to drain the water from this area to turn into Goron to move the block for a little longer than I think you should be.

Chris 17:38
Yeah, yeah, a little longer than I’m proud to admit. I thought the blocks were too big for I don’t know if that’s the size. It’s too big for kid link.

Haney 17:46
I feel like you can move them as Kid link, but I don’t remember.

Chris 17:50
They seem big. They’re really big.

Haney 17:52
I couldn’t move them in real life.

Chris 17:53
Well, I’m remembering at Snowpeak Yeah, I thought those were too big. And that’s why you had to move them as a Goron. But I could be misremembering. Yeah.

Haney 18:03
I’m not sure I don’t remember if you can move any of the boxes kid link but

Chris 18:07
in my head, because you had to be a Goron and you couldn’t be kid link to move those blocks. I just assumed that Goron was strong block mover and that was a unique trait to the Goron

Haney 18:18
Yeah, and I was like, have you tried just moving the blocks as thorough and you’re like now stupid. You try it no works.

Chris 18:26
soars strong fish.

Haney 18:28
The strong lads the Zuora can intercede on what appears to be a real water temple of a time.

Chris 18:36
We’ll see how long we stay in here. It’s fair. Interesting. Oh, Chester. Ooh, some more fire from

Haney 18:43
WaterFire you gotta read Ruby. I’m making every note of red rubies for you. You got it? Looks real Maisie huh? You like mazes? You just were telling me not not too long ago was saying that you’re

Chris 18:57
saying I’m really good at maize

Haney 18:58
your absolute favorite stand on top of the treasure chest.

Chris 19:02
Alright, well, this isn’t where he go.

Haney 19:04
Can’t believe you on stand on the treasure chest.

Chris 19:07
Alright, so I need to lower the water because it looks like there’s blocks I can push underwater, but Gorons cannot swim. So I need to lower the water so I can push blocks as a Gora. Which Yeah, sounds like a temple time.

Haney 19:24
Are you sure you have to be a Goron

Chris 19:26
maybe not. These look like real big blocks

Haney 19:29
the ADA grab. Ha, you’re just strong Zara

Chris 19:34
and saris are way stronger than humans.

Haney 19:36
Yeah. Are you shocked at all

Chris 19:38
they’re the elfs of the sea.

Haney 19:40
Yeah. Now out that one looks like it needs to be pushed from the other side. You take some time move NuvaRing through this area, this maze because all the maze leads to when you get through it. Is this fan blowing like a jet of water up through. So it’s like essentially creating a current underwater, but it has these red flecks in it that look like fire. And it’s been a long time since I played this game up to this point at least. And I was like, I don’t remember but that looks a lot like fire and you had the same like inclination like if I step in that. I’m gonna get hurt. So we avoided it for a little bit and then finally, I think you just dived in. And no problem. No,

Chris 20:28
it surface me

Haney 20:30
It elevates you. What are we doing here?

Chris 20:34
What seems to be the problem here?

Haney 20:36
give that one a tug.

Chris 20:37
Yeah, this is what we call flicking around and finding out

Haney 20:39
okay, I’m here for it. Owl

Chris 20:43
flying through waters hard.

Haney 20:46
So now we go and give this one a tug.

Chris 20:48
Just a little tug.

Haney 20:49
And then what happens?

Chris 20:51
Then go back alright. So when you’re blasting through the water as his aura you naturally rise the makes it a lot harder to am

Haney 20:59
I also started naturally rising when I’m blast them. Yeah, okay. Yeah, it was easy. Oh, you made it. So it pushes you further into the pirates fortress. And at this point, you start noticing that there’s some booby traps in here.

Chris 21:14
Emphasis not on the booby but more on the traps

Haney 21:18
so there is a lot of sea mines see mines for those of you who aren’t familiar are usually these large spiked balls that when knocked into will explode

Chris 21:29
you’ll have to sit just some mines Yeah, some underwater mines they call it a mine

Haney 21:37
are you on fire?

Chris 21:39
No, it’s Oh, it’s a pushy.

Haney 21:42
It’s to show you the direction it’s going.

Chris 21:44
I see. All right, so

Haney 21:46
it’s not fire. It is in fact a tooltip it’s now as they call it your life could be much better could it Yeah. Life crystal

Chris 21:56
a matter of perspective.

Haney 21:59
I’m worried for you because of your navigation ability.

Chris 22:03
That’s fine.

Haney 22:04
Oh chest.

Chris 22:05
So I wonder if there are pirates in here whether I will get kicked all the way out or whether they fight me.

Haney 22:11
I’m sure you get kicked out.

Chris 22:12
Oh, look how happy I am to find that rupee. I

Haney 22:14
believe you got another red group. It’s filthy with rubies. Yeah.

Chris 22:18
It’s almost like it’s Pirate Cove. Alright, let’s get up here.

Haney 22:23
Trying to get it up. I think there’s a ramp around the side.

Chris 22:27
So I do my best to not knock into them. navigate my way through the boobies.

Haney 22:31
Yeah. So in this room, there is a locked cage with a heart container in it. And then there’s a ramp leading up to some barrels hidden behind the barrels is a another pressure switch. And then once you kind of make your way up onto that area around the barrels, you look over and you can see a crystal switch as well. So it’s all the crystal switches are typically ones that you can hit from far away with a projectile device. And they have some sort of effect. Cool. I think you gave the crystal switch the old flick just to see what it does. And you see that it opens up a gate leading further into the pirate fortress but that gate starts closing immediately as soon as you’re like it’ll rise up like a garage door and then once like it hits the top it it starts coming down again immediately. Also like a garage door also like a garage door. Also, could you imagine if you had to like raise the garage door in

Chris 23:24
my my garage door does not work very well.

Haney 23:27
You don’t put your car in it though. I do. You do? Yeah. Oh

Chris 23:32
my god, it’s such a nightmare. This is important for this episode. Yeah. So we have new neighbors, okay. And one person who is not new neighbor is renovating. Okay, something so they have a dumpster in their visitors or one of their spots and one of the visitor spots. They also have four cars themselves why and one garage Okay, and one spot for their car. So they’re taking up three spots right now. And the neighbor she just moved in. They just put it in the garage and have two cars right so they can put their spot in there. Chris that’s that’s many cars. Yeah, also kinda like the dog Yeah,

Haney 24:05
I think we have to me and my puppy cars.

Chris 24:08
I can imagine how we got so close to it. Yeah, so also the fucking dumpster has been there for like three weeks just get

Haney 24:15
it done that yeah, they cost money per day. It’s

Chris 24:17
full. Get it total I don’t know what’s happening. Chris.

Haney 24:21
This is this is intolerable. Yeah, no, I will not stand for this please. And I might have to drive through your neighborhood and cause a ruckus

Chris 24:30
go beat them up. I’m gonna egg their car.

Haney 24:34
I’m gonna spunk they’re spinning a spanking. Let’s get back to some fish talk. Yeah, yeah. So two things going on in here.

Chris 24:43
Pressure plate and you got your crystal button? Yes, well button just opens the door further to the fucking fortress which I don’t give a shit about because hey, there’s a big heart container

Haney 24:51
and I need hearts. You’re dangerously low on hearts constantly.

Chris 24:55
So the pressure plate when you step on that it opens the cage door. That It’s protecting the heart Tanner. Yeah, I know immediately what I have to do. You transform into Goron Gore on it up. Yeah, step on the plate. Roll yourself into a ball. Get their head head into a cage.

Haney 25:12
Yeah. This door also is on a timer, so we’ll close quickly. Yeah.

Chris 25:16
Which is why you gotta go on. Yeah. Oh, I could use that. How do we how do you think I could definitely use that? What do you think we need to do to get in there? The door doesn’t just open for me.

Haney 25:30
I’d like a heart. I’d like you to have a heart Goron smash Smash. They’re gonna be real confused as to how a Goron got in here. You can’t swim. You’re allergic to water. Oh, what have you seem to have found here? Oh,

Chris 25:44
button. Ah. Ah. There’s a getting better and better. Which over there. On the switch. Oh, fucker asked piece of garbage butts. All right, here we go. We’re going to do something that’s not going to work. Oh, God.

Haney 26:00
I know you’re gonna do you. Go on roll. Yeah, baby. Which is funny to me.

Chris 26:08
Well shit, right.

Haney 26:15
Chris. Funny mask, please. For the love of God. Absolutely not.

Chris 26:20
There’s only one way this can work. That’s fair. Yeah, okay. Unfortunately, this isn’t a prime location for Gorons. They sink in water. And the way back down to the cage is across a very narrow ledge

Haney 26:40
that is surrounded by water on both sides. Yeah.

Chris 26:44
I think I tried it twice. Yeah, they’re like, Dude.

Haney 26:48
So then you try to again, is human link just rolling, which is actually slower than running turns. And then finally, I was like, do you just put the bunny mask on? I forgot I had the bunny. Yeah. And I don’t even think you need it for this technically. But it helps. It helps. So you put those big ol ears on and booty yourself down there to get a heart piece. And this actually I think was your fourth heart container, wasn’t it?

Chris 27:11
I think it was my third actually was your third?

Haney 27:13
I think so. That makes sense. Yeah, because it just refilled your life. It didn’t add a new heart. Right. So you have three quarters of a new heart piece. Hell yeah. Hell yeah, we’d love to see it.

Chris 27:23
We also have one direction that we can go to progress further into the fortress.

Haney 27:26
Yeah. So you run back up to the top of the ramp after getting your heart piece. Flick that old switch and dive through. You’re great. Surrounded by mines also. Yeah, every time you dived into the water you came so close this one. I think you hit it like once or twice

Chris 27:42
twice. Yeah. Blue Ruby blue Ruby this time.

Haney 27:48
I’m not making note of it. It’s not important to know honey. No. I have to make a stand somewhere.

Chris 27:54
Oh, it doesn’t set the off. I don’t think it’s a bomb. I

Haney 27:56
think it’s a spiky Hurney. Oh,

Chris 27:59
them spiky hirjis Yeah, all right. Okay, I get it. Oh, those ones explode. I

Haney 28:05
was wrong. My apologies.

Chris 28:07
I was definitely hitting them earlier and they weren’t doing diddily diddily diddily diddily in Italy. You in the drink?

Haney 28:14
Oh you stressed me out? Why? I got it any sorry. It’s okay. I’m stressed. Stressed out

Chris 28:21
it’s a stressful time.

Haney 28:22
Go Nailed it. Nailed it. This temple is easy here. doozy This is not the water temple.

Chris 28:30
This temple is easy

Haney 28:33
inside this next area is a nother switch with a rocket that it causes to make happen essentially of water it cuts the water geyser geyser Yeah, thank you that’s the fucking word I can think of holy shit pretty close to rocket Yeah, so I’m in here is another switch that you can hit with like an arrow or orphans and it causes a jet of water to come from the ground and propel you up a level

Chris 29:00
easy peasy.

Haney 29:02
What appears to be the top of a crystal that’s a choice. I don’t know if that’s the choice I would have made but Hello. Can I just do in that get blasted?

Elevator? So Chris is on a

Chris 29:20
Yeah, describe what’s happening. Yeah, for Chris

Haney 29:22
Chris is on top of a great and he has to shoot a crystal to turn the jet on underneath the grate to rock him up to another level. And that was perfect in every way. You get up a level and up here is a telescope overlooking basically the entirety of the fort. Hell yeah, that’s pretty cool. You use the telescope and kind of get a lay of what’s inside the Pirate fortress. Inside you see a kind of open courtyard with a tower in the center with a Giant Ladder leading up it and a fuck ton of Garuda pirates patrolling all around this area too. You, you can see that there are doors that lead off to other places and paths and bridges that lead to other doors and a new areas. I think at this point, you started getting a little bit of understanding that this is a little bit a little more complex bigger than you were hoping for.

Chris 30:17
At this point. It’s kind of hard to tell where I want to be going in the fortress. So what this mostly conveys is, hey, there’s still going to be a lot of pirates patrolling and you’re gonna have to avoid them the whole time.

Haney 30:28
Yeah, so aside from the telescope up here, there’s also a door that leads out into kind of the front part of the pirates fortress, like onto like a, I think they’re called like a balustrade or something. And like the it’s like, you know, where the like archers walk on in a castle like up on the ramparts. So you’re kind of like walking up there. And there’s only one other door that you can get into from here, if you don’t want to, like run through the courtyard. And that door is a nightmare. It’s actually listed on my notes as bad, bad door. Yeah, you owe this. So

Chris 31:01
let me let’s paint a word paints a word picture here. So when you enter this courtyard, there’s a bunch of patrolling pirates. But there’s also for some reason, a lot of like, kind of half walls. Yeah, that you can easily hide behind. Yeah, that are strewn about the strategically placed one might say, I would say yeah, and the half walls are all kind of surrounding the tower with the ladder that you can go up. But if you want to ignore that and not deal with the nightmare, that’s the petroleum pirates. You can kind of skirt around the outer edge of the courtyard and go straight into a door across from you. So that’s where we had and when you open the bad bad door, this is a pirate

Haney 31:42
just a guard that tells you everything you’re doing is wrong

Chris 31:46
this this guards job is to stare at this door presumably forever until it opens and then throw out whoever opened it. Yeah, as long as that person’s me

Haney 31:57
you get thrown out Yeah.

Chris 32:01
Boy, that means close.

Haney 32:02
Yeah, it’s pretty late on the second day right now.

Chris 32:05
Okay, this is gonna be a problem for me.

Haney 32:08
So Chris needs to avoid pirates.

Chris 32:12
So let’s just watch them for a moment yeah when their pattern because I assume I can’t fight them if I get caught they just go yeah there’s a couple pads I can take.

Unknown Speaker 32:24
PPP PPP, PPP, PPP, PPP, PPP, PPP, PPP, PPP, PPP, PPP, PPP, PPP. Boo Boo Boo Boo crushed it.

Haney 32:34
Ah, you appear to have made it up here now. Nice. Hell yeah. GG easy. Oh, no kidding me. Oh, okay. It doesn’t throw you all the way out. Bad pirates. Not good. Well, so that’s not a great place, huh?

Chris 32:49
Well, she was probably on patrol. But luckily, they don’t throw you out of the entire fortress.

Haney 32:58
Yeah, they throw you out into the lagoon, which is interesting. Yeah. Because it’s very easy to get back into

Chris 33:04
Yeah, so what this is flavor wise, because the further you go in the I understand how checkpoints work in video games. Yeah. So basically the further you make it into this fucking fortress, but not as far back they’ll throw you out. Yeah. Which means these pirates are like, I don’t want to Yeah, walk all the way back. Just someone else will deal with

Haney 33:26
it. They’re like I’m not unionized. Like I’m not paid enough for this ship. Fuck. It’s a little kid and a green hat. Yeah, what

Chris 33:33
are they gonna do?

Haney 33:35
So you backtrack your way back in. I did make a note that at this point you directly dive bombed onto one of those landmines? On the way back up through that’s fine. That’s it. And you find a different ladder. No, no,

Chris 33:51
we get back to the courtyard. Yeah, I’m like, Okay, well, I’m sure that guards like patrolling and I just hit at the like the worst possible time interval and they were or second time Yeah, I went there a second time.

Haney 34:02
Why did I not make a note of that?

Chris 34:04
I’m sure because you didn’t give a shit. That’s probably fair. So I go back to the door. I’m like nobody’s staring at the door they’re on a patrol route. And if I go in chances are pretty high that they’re not going to catch me again. Oh, fuck. Oh, God fuck ass.

Haney 34:20
I see. Bad door rosin. You have to go all the way around now right

Chris 34:29
so I think there’s two different kinds of mines

Haney 34:32
there’s shooting kinds of non shooting hands Yeah,

Chris 34:35
the ones that are not mines and the ones that are mines Yeah.

Haney 34:38
All right, so we’re background now

Chris 34:42
getting there. I can’t Oh,

Haney 34:45
cuz dive bombed onto a

Chris 34:47
would have been a lot worse. Fuck. Oh my god, blink. I need you to be better. Don’t go out nine times. We’ll take your look. If gonna go up to blow up, yeah. Make it back to the courtyard. And we say, hey, maybe that door is inaccessible for now. And we look at the tower in the middle Lenin’s got a big ladder. And that’s what everyone’s patrolling behind. So presumably, there’s some importance there. So I sneak a sneak my way. From half wall to half wall skirt and the pirates that are patrolling it’s not too bad. Yeah. And I climb my way up the water. There’s another pirate who’s just right there. They don’t see me though, because I’m sneaky. Yeah. And there’s also a long like rope bridge. Yeah, that connects to the kind of outer wall, which has more doors. Yeah. And if we run across the rope bridge, that’s where we can break in.

Haney 35:50
So up, up top, no good.

Chris 35:52
Up top. No, no.

Haney 35:55
I don’t think there’s a second door to the last two. Yeah. So I think you have two more options. You could try. You can try jumping to that other opening, which is seems very far. Seems very far. Or you could do an awful fucking maze avoidance of trying to get to the center of all of the guards. That’s what I’ve chosen. Chris is taking the guard path. Other side other side. Climb, climb, climb. Climb, Link. I’m amazed you that one go. Yeah, mate. Yeah. So from there, you gain access to a like balcony overlooking the like inner sanctum of the Garuda fort, the throne room, I would call Yeah, it’s definitely like a throne room. And in there, you’re introduced to the leader of the pirates. A woman named a veal, which is pretty cool. A veal is getting debriefed on a incident that occurred from the other pirates, and one pirate is telling her that they were attacked by sea snakes, and they dropped some of those Sora eggs that have been stolen. Holy shit. Cool. I’ve been waiting for you. And did you find the rest of the eggs? No. But what are you trying to pull here? If people hear the great pirates have lost their treasure? They still will become the laughingstock?

Chris 37:16
Yes, but they’ll the seas strangely murky where we were attacked by the sea snakes violence.

Haney 37:22
That’s why the source can’t send for any help. Now that the eggs are gone, the source should be frantically searching for them. If we don’t hurry the stories we’ll get to them before we do. There are four eggs here now. Go find the other three before the SU snakes eat them. Understood. Wait. The Zuora eggs are the only clue we have about that dragon cloud floating over the bay. If what that strange maths one says it’s true. God dammit,

Chris 37:48
Marjorie.

Haney 37:50
And if we can get our hands on the treasure that lies sleeping in the temple and that dragon cloud, then we can spend the rest of our lives living the good life. So get a move on and go find them now. Just man

Chris 38:01
under understood. Excellent. Shenanigans.

Haney 38:07
So there’s four eggs in there. Okay.

Chris 38:09
Four eggs. 4x four eggs.

Haney 38:13
All right. What do we got here? Hear me out. Yeah. What do people usually go to great lengths to do with fish eggs? Aside from fertilize them? Caviar? Eat them? Yeah. So

Chris 38:27
eat them is definitely the second thing that people do after fertilize the fish.

Haney 38:32
Yes, yeah. Humans particularly. Yeah. So after you’re done fertilizing some eggs. I think I think we actually had a really long conversation and by really long I mean, it was like probably 30 seconds which is way too long for the conversation we had but it was do you think Zara are sturgeon or other fish because the matters on if we refer to their eggs from here on as caviar or row? Yeah, is there a sturgeon is caviar if there any other fish? It’s row. I think we decided on row because we can’t guarantee that they’re sturgeon.

Chris 39:03
Why is caviar specific to sturgeon?

Haney 39:05
It is the flavor I think of the egg is like the one that’s desired for caviar so it gets the special nice, because not all eggs taste the same, I guess. But the other ones all tastes I don’t know what the like why that’s the case. But I do know it’s why sturgeon are protected. And also, I don’t think you can pull them out of our lake. Although fun fact. Our sea monster here that we have in our lake is most likely a fucking massive sturgeon because I don’t know if you’ve seen how big these fuckers get started and are terrifying.

Chris 39:38
Yeah, anything water related is terrifying.

Haney 39:41
They’re huge fish though. And they’re like, they look like they have plate armor. They are fucking jacked, armored fish. And I’m just like, who looked at that and was like, I’m gonna take its eggs and eat them. Yeah,

Chris 39:52
I mean somebody who wanted power I guess so.

Haney 39:54
Yeah. Yeah, it’s like, like what how they used to like powdered like Tiger claws and stuff. to like feel like yeah like vitality. Yeah, definitely.

Chris 40:03
I can’t believe that we’re going to break into the Lake Champlain temple and beat the massive sturgeon boss.

Haney 40:09
Just cut to fucking Burlington Mayor Miro Weinberger having Chris in an actual chokehold being like get away from the fish. Fucking can stupid. Oh, God, I’m so viel says, well, we need to protect the ones that are in here. We have four in here. And you know that I think someone told you at some point that they’re seven in total. So you know that okay, cool. The other three are probably out in SeeSnake land over by Pinnacle rock, but there’s four in here. You take a step back from the window and look around. And one thing we forgot to mention was a cutscene that occurs which a hornet like flies past your face and then flies through like these barred windows into a nest overlooking the Gredos. Kind of like, Hey, I’m here. Yeah. Chris looks at his bow. Looks at the Hornet’s Nest looks back at his bow. has an idea. What if I knock little Hornet nest down in amongst the pirates?

Chris 41:11
Oh, I got an idea.

Haney 41:13
It’s your idea. Talk to me.

Chris 41:15
I’m gonna see if it works.

Haney 41:18
Chris is going to Oh,

Chris 41:19
ah, welcome back. It’s been a little while.

Haney 41:22
We have a good view of their leadership from here. And I bet if you needed to you could shoot an arrow through these bars. Yeah, I was gonna try and shoot the Hornet’s Nest aren’t very good. So Chris has knocked the Hornet’s Nest down onto the leaders room.

Chris 41:38
Gotta. That’s terrific. Just the bit

Haney 41:41
crushed like girl yelling of pirates. You seem to have solved the problem.

Chris 41:47
Never was a problem.

Haney 41:49
If there’s one thing that we know about pirates, they don’t like being stung by Hornets. Yeah, that’s a classic pirate trope.

Chris 41:56
It’s the number one pirate fact. Yeah,

Haney 41:59
it’s like that then like you have a black flag called the Jolly Roger when the white skull on it. And then they say like ARNs Yeah, all that is underneath. Don’t like Hornets. Yeah.

Chris 42:10
So we shut down the Hornet nest and the pirates scream and they go running from the room.

Haney 42:15
Which Chris takes as a hey, I think I can probably get in there now. So you kind of backtrack a little bit to the bad bad door and the bad bad door is now unguarded? Yeah, hell yeah. You are able to go through the bed that door directly into the pirate’s throne room. Inside the Throne Room is a massive loveseat which I love instead of a throne. It’s just like a loveseat like couch. Playing Yeah, absolutely. Like that’s how you roll in style. And there’s a aquarium on the side. Inside that aquarium is a little orb. And next to that orb is a shelter that is definitely rabid shelter with teeth. Yeah, that is definitely rabbit. Yeah, not good. No. So you take a quick loop around the room. No one’s in here. No Hornets either, which is excellent.

Chris 43:03
Also, what I like about this room from this point forward is people never return No, never. So they left and we’re like well, ruling out that room that’s the Hornets now

Haney 43:12
done and dusted that they own that.

Chris 43:15
I’m like that mean when you see like a spider and people are like well, that’s the spider

Haney 43:19
bring the house down? Yeah, they’re literally setting fire to the pirates fortress from outside. Yeah, that’s where they are the whole time. canonically um, so you open the chest and you get your big dang item from this dungeon which is pretty excellent. And your big thing item from for this dungeon is the hook shot.

Chris 43:38
I really liked the hook shot. Yeah, hook shot might be top weapon for me.

Haney 43:44
Okay, well, well, it is. It is a weapon but it’s not a weapon. It’s

Chris 43:48
all about how you use it.

Haney 43:49
It’s very similar to a hammer where it’s not a weapon until it is a weapon. Yeah,

Chris 43:53
I think for me, it’s hookshot then bow. Yeah, that’s that’s they’re pretty close. But hook shots. Excellent. I

Haney 44:00
think historically, the long shot has always been my favorite item from the Zelda franchise. I don’t think that it makes an appearance in Majoris mask.

Chris 44:08
Is that different from the hook

Haney 44:09
shot? It is the adult hook shot or like the longer hook shot. It’s the one that has like the like crazy long distance and time

Chris 44:16
when you when you grow up and you get older and you’re an adult your shot becomes longer.

Haney 44:21
Yeah, yeah, yeah,

Chris 44:22
that’s Yeah, that’s true.

Haney 44:23
Are you laughing listening? Why are you laughing? Because it’s just talking about things that happen

Chris 44:27
natural progression.

Haney 44:28
So anyway, enough about shooting ropes.

Chris 44:31
I never said shooting real penny. You think this is the room I want to be in?

Haney 44:37
I would take a gander at it.

Chris 44:39
Give me a GI Ah, you

Haney 44:41
found a big, big treasure chest in the leaders room. Done in in, in, in in in in in in in in in in me. Dan and in hookshot use it to grapple items so you can reel them in or pull yourself over to them. Press C to arm it then you As cars stick to the aim release, see the shoe nail it. So you got the hook shot. The hook shot allows you to cling to something far away. Typically as long as it’s made of wood or material that

Chris 45:16
typically if it’s made of wood and it’s very it’s intended to be clung to,

Haney 45:20
I was gonna say and it’s very clearly not an environment like a painted environment piece and it is something that is an active like asset on the screen.

Chris 45:30
softwood I presume?

Haney 45:31
Yeah, you can just just some maple and pine. No hardtack in here. Um, so you start looking above the fish tank and see what little what slob love it that you can grab onto and drop yourself into that fish tank. That’s what happens. That is what happens

Chris 45:49
shoot my hook shot. It pulls me up to the woods and I just fall directly into the aquarium.

Haney 45:56
So there’s a couple things in here. There’s a treasure chest as well in the aquarium. Yep. As well as rabbit shelter with teeth. Yep. And the OHRP Yeah, first problem is rabbit shelter attacks you immediately I try and ignore that problem for as long as I can. You will ignore it for far too long. That’s I think if I had to change one thing about how you play Zelda, it would be how much you are willing to like the lengths you’re willing to go to to avoid combat is just absurd.

Chris 46:23
To avoid combat. It’s just I have other other things that are catching my attention.

Haney 46:29
I can see why you play RPGs mostly. Yeah, they’re just a side they’re in a side it’s not all active all at once.

Chris 46:36
Majority Xmas survival horror rpg.

Haney 46:40
It is a survival horror game. I saw us trying to survive against the horror that was that rabbit shellfish. If nothing else, yeah, yeah. Would would. Ah, nailed it. Oh. Oh. Is that okay? No. So Chris just tried to get into a tank that’s in the leaders room. That’s seemingly full of shellfish that

Chris 47:10
are bad. Yeah. Spiky. They’re like the mimic of the shellfish world. Yeah. Shellfish with too many teeth.

Haney 47:17
I think you probably just need to murder the Goddamnit the bad thing.

Chris 47:21
Title. What is this?

Haney 47:24
Don’t tell me you don’t know about the shell blade. It’s impossible to beat if you aim for anything but it’s ligament inside the shell. Awful. So I eventually

Chris 47:34
bunk it.

Haney 47:36
You bunk the shellfish. I think you ended up figuring out that it’s easiest to do as a Zora because you kind of can sink to the bottom. And you open that treasure chest and you get a red rupee. Yeah. Excellent. You also grabbed the orb, which turns out to be a fish egg. You have to pick it up and put it in a bottle. This is important, because you only have three box three bottles. And there’s four eggs in here. Yeah. Ah, nailed it. And you got to repeat for your trouble. Can you get that aggression to

Chris 48:06
Could you please please like, please just work with me, Link?

Haney 48:11
He’s trying. Isn’t this Zara egg? I wonder how we can carry it? How can we carry it Chris?

Chris 48:18
We could start by picking it up. Fuck. Chris, you

Haney 48:23
have to be careful when you handle it. You want to bash it against the edges of a glass bottle instead of just carefully taking it up just shoving it in there. You put a Zara egg in a bottle. It doesn’t look very healthy. You’d better have someone examined it quick.

Chris 48:35
Are you doing, buddy?

Haney 48:37
Like I’m a fish. All right, I get it.

Chris 48:41
So if I didn’t have three bottles in here, would I have to make multiple trips?

Haney 48:45
I think they said there was four eggs in there. Hmm.

Chris 48:49
Boy, that means Close. Close. Close, close.

Haney 48:54
So after you finish up in this room, you leave the throne room and can start exploring other entrances at this point, you’re a little bit more in here. So you find a room that you haven’t previously explored. This is kind of an open chamber. This is off of the courtyard, inside this open chamber as you walk in. Pirate ninja just appears out of nowhere and is like clearly a mini boss. And she’s like, I’m gonna make you come or whatever she says. I don’t think that’s what it was. It’s pretty close. I definitely said something like, well, we’re playing and she beats the shit out of you. Thanks so much for listening to the first encounter podcast. If you want the journey to continue, please support us at patreon.com/first encounter, find our socials and contact info at first encounter podcast.com Please stop by and say hey, our intro and outro music is by Alden Zach

Chris 49:48
I feel like usually when we’re together, we don’t manage each other. But we’re almost like a checks and balances system and how stupid we get as soon as you put any distance between us all of that. All the parts I feel

Haney 50:01
like we’re signal booster yeah there’s certain distance right it just makes it worse so also when we’re together I’m not usually doing Bhangra in the background

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