We take our hot new Zora bod for a spin, get the lowdown on the diva’s lost voice and weird eggs, and meet a whole lotta poivoits.

❗First Encounter contains adult themes such as violence, sexual content, and adult language. Listener discretion is advised.

View Uncorrected AI Interpreted Episode Transcript
Haney 0:05
Hey listener first encounters an explicit podcast by grownups for grownups. content warnings can be found in the episode description. This episode contains heavier than usual sexual themes, including but not limited to excessive discussion of fish spunk. You have been warned.

Unknown Speaker 0:21
Yeah, it’s not touching this at all. I can still

Chris 0:24
hear. So it’s not for the recording. It’s for me. I can hear it. Yeah, that’s fine. Fucking.

Haney 0:29
Yeah. Now you have to deal with what Kelly has to deal with every day.

Chris 0:32
Why? I didn’t marry you.

Haney 0:35
Didn’t you though? Hey, hey,

Unknown Speaker 0:38
pumpkin. How you doing?

Haney 0:40
Good. I think it’s November now. No, it’s not. It’s

Chris 0:46
It’s October now. But when this episode goes out, it’ll be November. Will it? Yeah, Wednesday.

Unknown Speaker 0:53
Is that October? No, it’s November. Oh, yes.

Unknown Speaker 0:56
The second? Hell yeah.

Chris 0:58
Yeah. There’s some behind the scenes magic for you.

Haney 1:02
We record the intro three days before the episode comes out. Because it makes more sense to record it closer to the time. Yeah, yeah. I think we’ve said that, like, many, many Well, enough of this

Unknown Speaker 1:14
nonsense. Hey, pumpkin.

Chris 1:18
Well, gosh, today’s episode.

Haney 1:22
I mean, the warning up front should have given you everything you needed to know.

Chris 1:26
Yeah. That being Yeah, I’m just trying to figure out how to tie our patrons and our sponsor to this episode.

Haney 1:35
I mean, we blame them last time for what happened in that episode. And I feel like that was not even remotely as Yeah, I didn’t think we’d be upping the ante. What’s gonna happen in this episode, so I feel like we have to, we have to praise them for sticking with us through this. Yeah. In this this guy around. So with that, I would love to thank all of our wonderful expedition team members who are willing to listen to the trash we put out and also be like, Yeah, this is fine. I want to keep contributing to this. And those are wonderful people such as Liza, Josh, Joan, fumbling for and the almighty credit Deadeye. Cody, Calabria, Brendan, Ben, and Alex, thank you all so much for being expression to your members. I don’t know that I would spend the amount of money you do on this show. But boy, do I appreciate you doing it. And you know what? With that, grab a tall, warm glass of fish spunk

Unknown Speaker 2:33
and, God we’re doing so fine. And it was fine.

Haney 2:40
To Chris to to thank our producers for sticking sticking through us. Such like the stickiness of fish spunk.

Chris 2:48
Such as Denise, my mom, thank you for

Haney 2:52
sharing everything. If she ever listens to this, you’re out of that will you know? Okay. Thank you so much. Denise, mom, Denise,

Chris 3:02
August and Jacob. Thank you. You’re the gifts that keep on giving your

Unknown Speaker 3:07
the cream and our fish the wind in our face.

Chris 3:12
And we also have to thank our sponsor, uncommon coffee bringing you this hot mess feet

Haney 3:19
speaking of people that will write us out of their wills that they hear this uncommon coffee is a wonderful Vermont organization that is providing delightful high class bean juice directly to you, our listeners, and you can get some of that bean juice by going to uncommon vt.com clicking on their shop page and buying yourself some bag of dried bean good, but that being good into your cart, and then there’s a little area where you can put in a promo code. Ours is good, good. And that’ll get you 10% off your being goods being in the pockets worth two in the bush. That’s what Chris always says I’m still waiting for someone to tell me the proper collective noun for a coffee bean. Male at first encountered podcast.com That’s the only valid way of entry listeners not the people who asked me in discord and say it’s this now male at first encountered podcast.com I don’t want to be added at don’t ask me bro. I mean,

Chris 4:18
I mean yeah, keep adding Hani he loves it. But that weren’t the instructions

Haney 4:22
now and instructions are important to me because I am a creature of habit and of control. So yeah, that’s why we bring you this episode of First Encounter scheduled on time fucking I want you all to know that pre recording if it was up to me, purposeful and onpoint I would be everything goes perfectly. Don’t lost power during recordings at all. Yeah, yeah, none of that and our co host doesn’t lose his voice because he got punched in the throat or whatever the fuck happened. I sneeze and cough at the same time. Apparently the throat punch wasn’t wasn’t the project the dog. It wasn’t my dog. So I thought my dog and my dog When I had been roughhousing, and he kind of like hit me in the throat, and I thought it was that, but turns out that this particular muscle strain is typically from a particularly strong cough or sneeze or a combination of both at the same time, which I also did the same day.

Chris 5:12
I could have fucking told you not to cough and sneeze at the same time.

Haney 5:16
I mean, it wasn’t intentional. It was doing something coffee, dusty. Thank you so much uncommon coffee, uncommon vt.com For all your coffee needs. They’re also sponsoring a big ass coffee event this weekend. And they have videos and posts all over their Instagram and socials about it. And it’s really cool. It’s like a big, big, big fucking coffee competition that has multifaceted entries and areas that I don’t fully understand. But for coffee aficionados and people who just genuinely like competitions, go check that out. It’s pretty cool. Yeah, I think there’s one last piece of business that we got to attend to. Before we let you get on to the spunk inning.

Chris 6:00
Give me the business. Mr. Haney.

Haney 6:02
Yeah, I like that a little too much. I’m tired. Chris. I may not look it but you always sleep so well. And you don’t work too much. Yeah. I’m Oh, Gandalf. I know I don’t like it. But I’m tired. I feel sort of thin stretched out kind of like butter over too much bread. Yeah. And with that, it comes time to take the realization that you can’t be full Pell all balls to the wall year round. We try. We slept that well. We literally have never tried we’ve had a break every year. We’re going on break. We do this every year, starting November 20. We will be taking a break from our main feed. So there will be no new episodes from November 20 through January 15, during which we will be not releasing any episodes to our main feed for Majoris mask. episodes will resume on January 18. With a brand new episode of majorities masks that will be episode 24. I believe. Can’t wait to see what we’re doing. And we’re gonna take I mean, we’re gonna be taking some time to break No, I mean in that episode, oh, yeah, hell yeah. Regular episodes will resume on January 18. With majorities mask, Episode 24. Come in live at your ear sometime that day. It’ll be fantastic. During this time away, we will be still posting to our Patreon and still doing our patron streams, because they have less of a regimented schedule than our public release feed. So if you are listening at home and can’t get enough of that, Chris and Hani, throw a couple of dollars to our Patreon and there’s a fucking massive backlog of content there. And you’ll also get access to our content that we’ll still be putting out in the months that we’re not active. So the end of November, all of December and the beginning of January. Oh yeah. So break.

Chris 7:54
Yeah, that’s happening. We’re gonna I do want to shout out one specific thing on the Patreon feed that people will be able to see if they joined. We’re doing a special jelly Christingle stream in December, which is gonna be a little different than our typical streams.

Haney 8:10
I’m pretty excited about I’m so excited about it. I’m so ready for our holiday stream.

Chris 8:15
Yeah. The Nightmare Before Chris mess. Yeah, if you will. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, I think that sums up our news. I think so. Shall we get the spunk yeah, let’s get the spunk on the road. All right.

Haney 8:30
spunk me daddy. Here we go

so he seems at peace, except as soon as you pick up his mask, his ghost appears and started jamming on a guitar and he was like Don’t forget to bury my body and also carve my fucking story into the grave still. Yeah. Ah, you appear to oh, oh, he’s

Chris 9:02
straight up died. Okay. Yeah, you

Haney 9:03
took you took his face mask. Wear him. All right. You I thought you kind of grasped that.

Chris 9:12
No, I thought it was like heal my soul. Like I didn’t think he was actually dying. Dead. I thought it was being dramatic. No,

Haney 9:19
he’s dead. Okay, you got this alright mask. This mask contains the spirit of a legendary guitarist cool, where the mask was seen and have the body of the Zora Pressy again to return normal. Oh God, my farewell song on my grave. I’m depending on you to help that singer girl. Just rock stars out to the fucking after life after life. That’s how I want to go just wailing on a guitar.

Chris 9:44
He’s not going to the afterlife. He definitely sounded like he was going to stay at tormented soul.

Haney 9:50
Ah, you’re buried him and tied his guitar to his gravestone and now us appear to be praying. So link buries him I mix the old gravestone out of his

Chris 10:01
guitar like berries, my favorite topping on oatmeal. Yeah.

Haney 10:07
And then link proceeds to inscribe something else gravestone that Chris has to read back in order to understand how to move and uses or your refuse to read it to me. It’s just like dark money is great. I know what it is. It’s just a distraction. It’s

Chris 10:21
not for you. It’s for me.

Haney 10:24
Herein lies Macau, the legendary guitarist of the Zara tribe. He has to be remembered in song and his lyrics are written here. Will you try to sing Macau’s lyrics? I don’t want to sing this.

Chris 10:35
You took his voice my dude

Haney 10:37
sharp fins are the mark of the Zuora we swim speeding through the seas with a and cursor. See what they’re doing? I’m not saying this. This is just instructions are

Chris 10:47
stressful answering your shield is produced to deflect enemies spoken. If you have magic we can even dive by pressing B. Oh we the Zara

Haney 10:57
What a treat that was sorry a fight song.

Unknown Speaker 11:00
Yeah. For my punch robot gar Pressburg repaired it for for your buttocks for my presser sir no big no. It’s the final. Final. I still got ours. But a treat.

Haney 11:21
Yeah, very good. Now that you’re a Zara,

Chris 11:24
I’m not disorder yet. Now that you pop that mask, take it take this mask, and it’s got a very fishy texture and a very fishy smell. Yeah,

Haney 11:32
it’s gonna smell like you’re sticking your face into tuna can the inside of the mask is moist in fleshy as it should be.

Chris 11:40
And I just press that against my face

Haney 11:42
and it just kind of adheres to it kind of like when you’re handling raw salmon. Very similar. I imagined I believe it Yeah, I’m gonna send Vic Chris videos of me handling raw salmon. Are you gonna Zara for perhaps the first and last time? Yeah, I’ll

Chris 11:58
take it for a spin. Ah,

Haney 12:00
you could be a Zara now.

Chris 12:03
Oh, I got fangs. Oh, fucking hot.

Haney 12:07
Yeah, Zelda link. Zelda link. Yeah, I said why said? Sorry.

Chris 12:12
Fuck, dude.

Haney 12:13
Yeah, dude. I knew this is gonna be your favorite. Oh, this

Chris 12:16
is really cool. I got like tonfa

Haney 12:19
press V. Give him his angry punch. Oh, hell yeah. So for those of you listening at home, Zahra link makes Link hot. gives him the body of a guitarist. He has these really sharp like tonfa arms that can detach and swing out like boomerangs that you can throw off. So now Chris has the ability to swim and dive

Chris 12:40
I’ve always been able to swim and dive Can I do it better now?

Haney 12:43
Let’s see. Oh, yes. Oh, significantly. Oh, hell yeah. You do some Tsar moves. So you can punch.

Chris 12:51
I can. I can punch. I can hear my fins on my arms kind of turned into like tonfa II strike weapons but

Haney 12:58
also boomerangs? Boomerangs as well shoot them off of your arms? Yeah, cuz he doesn’t really throw them. It doesn’t seem like he’s does this and throws them it seems like he just

Chris 13:08
Yeah, and the other thing is, they just come back and reattach. Yeah, like boomerang. This would make more sense to me if they like, flew off and then regrew on his arms. No, no. Pretty cool. Overall, though. I got a bit taller. Yeah, I can swim real fast.

Haney 13:25
Really good. You can also walk on the bottom of the water which is really nice. Yeah, so you can open treasure chests now you can go fishing with jars. You can also combat underwater now which isn’t ideal, because there’s a lot of it and it’s not good.

Chris 13:38
Yeah. So I’ve been encountering these angry fish for a little while. The bone fish yeah, the

Haney 13:43
bone fish. Yeah.

Chris 13:45
Fuck off. Holy shit.

Haney 13:48
I mean, you’re the one that’s standing here. What do you want them to do?

Unknown Speaker 13:50
Stop spawning. That’s

Haney 13:51
not how games work. You just like farming?

Chris 13:56
No, I just want to hit this guy with my fucking fins. The fins damp lately?

Haney 14:02
Yeah, get oh yes, they’re very damp.

Chris 14:06
Alright, Jesus Christ.

Haney 14:07
Hmm. Some some troubles. You’ve also encountered like likes which are don’t like like probably one of the most well known and hated Zelda monsters. For those of you who don’t know, they’re like a slinky made of flesh. And they, they, they they grab the adult PA and then they like humpy off for a little bit until you can get free and sometimes they steal your shit. I think traditionally and older games they would always steal your shield if I remember right. That’s not good shields are useful but for me because I don’t use them. I don’t even know if you check to see if it’s still I don’t really shit. That’s fine. Don’t give us Yeah, right. That’s fair.

Chris 14:47
Yeah, like likes no good. I was gonna say would you say yeah, bad beds. I was gonna say they’re like a giant sea cucumbers. Yeah, yeah, but fluffy. slinky slinky is good too.

Haney 14:59
I also used to have this tube toy when I was younger that was like it was essentially the same shape as them hollow and you could like spin it’s filled with like water. Yeah. And like like fish like kind of thing like little plastic like fish toys. Yeah. I don’t know what the name of that was, but that’s what they mostly remind me of is those things.

Chris 15:17
Tell us what those things were. Yeah,

Haney 15:20
you know, you’re talking about mail at first encountered podcast.com. And also tell us what a group of those is called. And hey, we’ll buy you on. Still waiting on the correct answer for what a collective noun for coffee beans is specifically coffee beans,

Chris 15:33
send it to mail at first and got our podcast leaky. Handed Albania Nia being you.

Haney 15:39
So now you decided to play Ruby Jr. bowling game. Zara game site. Those who recklessly break pots will be fined

Chris 15:49
Claude I read that first. Yeah. What’s up my dude?

Haney 15:53
Can you break all those jobs behind me one try. Among a surah there are some who can if you do it, I’ll give you something good. Here’s what’s wrong if you lost your touch from playing too much guitar me girl didn’t used to be able to break all these paths at once I get it. Your motion was all stiff and like someone who’s not used to doing this. Sorry, but as the tic tac toe for those broken jazz. Tell me

Chris 16:17
that ahead of time. I gotta back up a bit.

Haney 16:22
What’s wrong hair?

Chris 16:24
I want something good. He’s gonna give it to you if you get good.

Haney 16:27
Wondering what it gives you it’s probably garbage honestly. Bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump. All right. All right. What’s wrong if you lost touch from playing too much guitar motion was all stiff. 10 rupees. Take the challenge. Bump, bump, bump, bump, bump bomb, meaning gonna take a little pissy while you’re there. Try it a couple times. Doesn’t seem like it’s for you.

Chris 16:54
It’s not for me. And here’s the here’s the reason why, please, you try it once and he’s like, ah, nuts. You didn’t do it. Hey, I’m gonna charge you for breaking those pots, though. Did I give it all my money? Yeah, you give

Haney 17:07
it a college try have like 10 attempts. 100 groups. And those are gone now. Yeah, so Chris decides you know what? I think it’s time to go check out that Zara Hall. So we

Chris 17:17
head to the pool. Across from these guys. Yeah, there’s a sign in front of it. It says fucking like it says something about beaver. Yeah, it’s like beaver hut. And Chris is like ah, clever misdirection. Better dive in. Guess what’s in here? Like, like, like, like and fish just like like in fish? Yeah,

Haney 17:33
there’s a bad fish in a lake like in here and you fought them for way too long. I think they got you down to like, how hard was it? Yeah, for hard.

Chris 17:42
Did you win? In a sense?

Haney 17:45
Did you walk away? Yeah. Yeah. Nice. Ball. headwaters beaver tone beware of Swift currents.

Chris 17:51
Eva.

Haney 17:52
What would you do and just doing a little exploration during all swim. You swim? What is that little exploratory laboratory? This place looks bad. Oh, no. He’s gonna take something of yours. He’ll have to kill him to get back.

Chris 18:03
I will murder him. Face the right way. Like,

Haney 18:07
ah, like inside the like, like, me. Can’t believe he’s still go through me. It’s like, you’re almost dead. Can we? Alright, that’s fine, too.

Chris 18:19
I was guarding myself.

Haney 18:21
That’s not what you were doing. Left.

Chris 18:25
It’s fine. And like Beaver Dam This isn’t good. I’m gonna leave didn’t see a single beaver.

Haney 18:30
So Chris pops out, kind of looks around. And he’s like, Oh, the big building over there points out towards the bay. And in the distance you can see kind of like a whale tail shape. Yeah, like sculpture. And you really like I’m gonna go swim over that. See what’s up with that. And it’s very clearly the entrance. So those are all

Chris 18:50
you say very clearly. But it’s like, once you get giant fish mouth with a like, like in front of it. That’s fine. It’s not fine. There’s too many like likes this.

Haney 19:01
Describe the Zora Hall to me. Um, bad.

Chris 19:06
Fishy. Coralie kind of

Haney 19:08
reminds me of Ariel’s kingdom and Little Mermaid, like when they’re actually like, in under it like Yeah, but less good. Less. Worse. Less wholesome. Worse than that. Yeah.

Chris 19:19
It’s basically just a wide open kind of auditorium. Almost. Yeah. There’s a pool in the middle, which is interesting, because it’s already underwater.

Haney 19:28
Is that underwater? Is that like one of those like bubble areas?

Chris 19:32
I mean, it could be in a giant bubble,

Haney 19:33
I guess. I think it might be. I’m not sure. We’ll find out soon.

Chris 19:37
Yeah, well, we’ll get to the bottom of that mystery. Show me your bottom and around the perimeter of this auditorium. Each area. There’s some doors. There’s kind of a upper balcony area. You can run up to Anderson’s or wandering around. Yeah.

Haney 19:52
You also forgot to mention that there’s a stage two.

Chris 19:56
There’s a stage made of clamshell I mean, auditorium stage Yeah, just one of those. This

Haney 20:01
is like a clamshell. There’s a guy who’s like, hey, the lighting here sucks. Chris cried very half heartedly to help him and then was like, I don’t fucking care.

Chris 20:09
What are you doing? What are you on the cow? Are you checking the stage? Yeah, I don’t know why, but there’s something wrong with the lighting. Yeah, it’s because you don’t have any lights because you

Haney 20:19
have those torches lit What is this amateur

Chris 20:22
hour? By your fire? Yeah,

Haney 20:26
Pom Pom Pom they’re gonna kick you out. Human hope

Chris 20:30
they do this place is awful, dude.

Haney 20:32
Oh, torch light. Will torque Jackson like Chris to actually try and solve a policy.

Chris 20:40
Alright, well, not too bad. That’s impossible.

Haney 20:43
Yeah, that’s fine. Do you ever think to yourself? I wish Chris had more hearts. I wonder why he doesn’t and then realize why he doesn’t have more hearts now. Okay, excellent. Ah, yummy cow. All right. Good luck practicing for the concert. I’m looking forward to your hustle.

Chris 20:59
My groupie? Yeah. Hello.

Unknown Speaker 21:03
Hi, Macao what’s up with the rehearsal? I’ve been told to the rehearsal is about to begin. But the band members are still shadowy in the rooms illumines just hanging around but at Loon island now back what’s going on?

Chris 21:15
Know your business. Don’t worry about us. Worry about yourself.

Haney 21:20
Hey, Macau. Haven’t seen you in a while. Where have you been? Oh, that’s right. Evan, your bandleader is looking for you. In front of each of the doors around the Zara Auditorium is a like bodyguard and two of them are like oh Evans looking for you also lose in her room, but she’s like locked in there and won’t come out. So that’s cool. Also, she isn’t awesome. She’s not in a room. Yeah, so that’s fine. So Chris is like okay, cool. Then Chris walks up to Lulu store. And instead of a bodyguard there appears to be a zaurus scratching around at the front of the door like peeping through the keyhole. That’s what I was gathering to is that he was either trying to peek through the keyhole or trying to like carve a hole to peek through. None of it good. No. And then he screams like I wasn’t spying on her. I just want her make sure she’s okay. By the way What time is it? I gotta go and book him bolt man

Chris 22:10
can’t believe that Lulu won’t come out of her room or also won’t stay in her room.

Haney 22:15
Yeah, really surprising here huh? Jeff?

Chris 22:20
I’m busy now. Nick Yeah, you can’t me Yeah. Already looking weird lately. I was worried stressed spy on her it’s not like spying on her anything my apologies. I’m not some kind of weirdo or some sort of slimy fish or anything. Yeah I just remembered that I have somewhere to be what what time is it? Really? Yeah, I have to be there like no see

Haney 22:48
he fucking bolted yeah, see? Don’t love that guy. Bad look. This is like getting into like a Smurf situation where there seems to be like one female Yeah, I don’t love

Chris 23:01
that most so yeah, most most of the all of this aura for the most part except for the title main characters or is yeah, have basically the same body and they all look identical. And then you have the band members who are very distinct from Yeah, there are also all from appearances. Male. Yeah, as far as we can tell, as far as you can tell. So we go into Lulus room. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 23:25
No Lulu. Now,

Chris 23:26
however, what if I said racist steak? Who seller?

Haney 23:31
Do you wanna buy some also?

Chris 23:32
Also, is this your room settings you’re

Haney 23:34
setting up shop? Also, it’s really messy in here. What happened here? Doesn’t matter. Whatever. Do you want to buy a green potion?

Chris 23:40
And can I rent this space for what the fuck is

Haney 23:43
happening? Too much this Daegu sucks. What do you think this deck is? Problem is

Chris 23:50
probably racist. Yeah, go for it. Focus on yours. Then. I’m doing business with a focus on Zara’s that makes you a potential.

Unknown Speaker 23:58
Seems like he

Unknown Speaker 23:59
limits his sales based on species.

Chris 24:02
Is this your room? He also just broke into somebody’s room to set up shop. Yeah, I’m awfully sensitive to the sea breeze. So I’m sorry, but I’d like you to rent this room to me. But my this is a messy room. Did something happen in here? Well, I really can’t do anything about it. Then I’ll sell you a green potion for 40 Dude, fuck this guy. That’s too bad. If you ever want any look me up. What the fuck is going on here? So you go into Lulus room and there’s this fucking awful day who scrub. And there’s diary. And I read the diary, because, you know, Hey,

Haney 24:37
you’re the hero of time.

Chris 24:38
Yeah, whatever. And she’s like, Hey, I got egged.

Unknown Speaker 24:46
Lose diary,

Chris 24:47
diary a.

Unknown Speaker 24:48
It’s been two days since I’ve lost my voice. I don’t want Mikata now, so I talked to Evan about it.

Haney 24:54
God, where those strange eggs came from.

Unknown Speaker 24:59
He recommended that I take the eggs to the marine research lab to have them checked. I think I’ll take them right away. Such terrible thing has happened today. They don’t even know where to begin writing. I heard a sound late at night and when I open my eyes, I saw strangers in my room. I tried to fight but they were able to steal my precious eggs. Since I lost consciousness after the hit. Today, I told everything to Macau, the one person to whom I didn’t want to know about it. At first, I was too embarrassed and too sad to do anything. And with the words that Macau said at that moment, I felt that all hope had been lost. Geez, Macau, but please, Macau. I’m begging you Don’t do anything rash. What do you say to her?

Haney 25:39
Um, no. So we got some egg egg loss. Yeah. Oh, fuck. It was a hard container up there. Fuck wonder how we get there.

Chris 25:47
How do we get up there? Good.

Haney 25:48
How do we get up there? She hasn’t told anyone about her condition Least of all Macau because she doesn’t want Macau to now. So she talked to the leader of this aura band Evan Sana bitch. Fucking Evan.

Chris 26:02
I don’t trust them. And to me, what

Haney 26:04
would what should happen here is that the eggs are unfertilized and she laid them right. So you just got to jerk off onto him. And like salmon, you have to jerk off onto him. And the whole observation tank deal is is basically it’s a big spectacle that the marine biologist puts on sure he invites everyone from clock down. It’s like part of the festival. Like five bucks. Five bucks per head. You just come in and you circle around the tank and you watch Lulu lay her eggs and then you just watch Macau just fucking shirk off on them. Yeah, at least six to seven minutes. This is awful. Four to five minutes was awful. And once he just sprays down the eggs, they’re fertilized and they can be raised in the aquarium. Yeah, that’s my guess as to what needs to have.

Chris 26:49
It’s the circle of life. It’s beautiful. And hey, I’d be there in a heartbeat.

Haney 26:55
First Encounter podcast is an explicit podcast by grownups for grownups. Also, do you ever think about that episode of The Magic School Bus where Miss Frizzle transforms them all into salmon and they literally get jerked off on by salmon? I don’t. They fully just like illustrate like this whites. Like puff of like, air going over to the fuckin love. Magic School Bus. There’s a whole episode where the kids gets plunked on fish

Chris 27:30
dude, I can’t do this. We got to wrap this up. can’t fucking do this anymore. We’re almost

Haney 27:34
done. Do you mean like this episode or first encounter? Yeah, yeah. So enough of the fish spankin let’s talk to Evan.

Chris 27:43
All right, well, I guess it’s time for a real exploring. Time dude. He ranking pervert.

Haney 27:49
Was the run to Macau. What have you been doing this whole time? Evan? The bandleader has been waiting for you for a while now. Hurry, go in. Go in. It’s gonna talk to Evan.

Chris 27:58
I got words for you, Evan.

Haney 28:00
Putting strange eggs in my girl. Evans room is like in sweet.

Chris 28:05
I like the music. Oh, he’s

Haney 28:06
a piano player.

Chris 28:07
Yeah, I like his booty. Yeah. Macau.

Haney 28:11
How was it? Did you get the eggs back? Press start to open the select item screen choose. Oh, you couldn’t do it after all. Have you been to see a lulu out and back by the ocean? Ever since the pirates stole her eggs. She’s just been standing out there gazing at the sea and sign me cow. We need those egg safe so Lulu can get her voice back. We’ve grown accustomed to life in a peaceful sea. The only one among the surah tribe who’s still able to go to blows with those wild pirates. It is you with the blood of Zoran heroes flowing within you. I’m still keeping Lula’s problem a secret from the other band members. They’ve all been looking forward to our carnival of Tom concert. And I can’t tell them it’s canceled because Lulu can’t sing. Can I?

Chris 28:52
Hmm. All right, I’m starting to put things together.

Haney 28:56
Seems like we might be understanding. Lulus doesn’t seem to be doing so hot. She can’t talk to anyone. And also she’s locked herself outside and it’s just staring off into the distance and refuses to talk. We’ve all been there. It’s fine. I’m sure this is okay. Nevins like to probably go see her. So instead of going to see her Chris decides to go talk to his other bandmate whose name is Janice J. P A S. Yeah.

Chris 29:22
Jake, Janice, and Evan Evan. Yeah.

Haney 29:25
I’m expecting a cool performance in your jam session with Javis.

Chris 29:29
Let me talk to him. Yeah, I’ll judge what’s cool around here. It’s pretty cool. He’s cool. He looks like only the band members have any any style to him?

Haney 29:40
Yeah, that’s why they’re a band members. Yeah, it’s like real life.

Chris 29:44
Javis

Haney 29:45
Macau. Where are you been? I’m all like, Hey, where’s Macao concert is coming up soon. And now our bandleader has pulled a vanish and act Evans all holed up in his room just writing songs and the top Off. Lilly just stands out back staring at the sea. She doesn’t even respond when you talk to her. If you guys think is just because Lulu is not interested in me, I don’t understand. But I’m telling you, something’s really wrong. But look, if we don’t start a hearse, and real soon, we’re not going to be ready for this concert. I feel like there’s a

Chris 30:18
day you have, like, two days before the concert, right? Yeah. Should have started rehearsing earlier than this. My dude. Also, like she hasn’t told anyone that she lost her voice. So she’s just playing it off like she’s being an asshole to everyone and not talking to him. Yeah. I chase down the pervert. Oh, yeah,

Haney 30:38
you did Chase on the perfect. So we walked back out in the perfect back at it again. But this time he just bolts as soon as he sees you. Yeah. And Chris decided to follow

Chris 30:45
him. Yeah, he kind of runs up to the balcony, upper air and then just like stands there

Haney 30:49
and pretends to like, no, nothing going on here is like he just yells at you. If you get well there’s two of them. Yeah,

Chris 30:55
there’s there’s two guys standing in the balcony. One. If you talk to him, he’s like,

Unknown Speaker 30:59
I’m busy.

Haney 31:00
That’s the one I assumed it was because he’s like, I don’t know who you are. I’m busy. This is what I need to be doing.

Chris 31:06
And the second guy is like, hey, hey, the cow. Lula’s pretty funny. And i Isn’t she Yeah, yeah, you

Haney 31:13
know all about her private stuff. I want to see her private he gives me a picture for private stuff. And then it gives you an option to open your fucking menu and show him a pictograph which Chris has not used the pictograph box since the swamp but what you need to do is start lose only fans page and this is your first subscriber God. Right he bangs Larry. And runs upstairs. Come back here you pervert. Still here is a little pitter patter of his little feet. Or which one are you pretending to be? Ah, me cow. Hey, what’s Lulu doing now? I’m so jealous of you don’t always be able to breed the same areas Lulu and you know a set of Lulu that I don’t you know her private side, don’t you? I don’t like these people. That’s wonderful. I want to ask you to introduce me a pictograph will do show me lose private side. No prob start over the select item screen. It’s about Lulu I want to know everything. I’ll take anything. You know. I’m the consummate fan.

Chris 32:17
Dude, this place is gross.

Haney 32:18
Shut up. I’m busy. Don’t talk to me. I think it’s this guy. Actually, it’s it’s both of them. Shut up. I’m busy. Don’t talk to me. What the fuck?

Chris 32:28
What the fuck, dude?

Haney 32:29
Plus it’s fine. It’s their fish

Chris 32:32
places full perverts.

Haney 32:33
You can play by your fucking blade like this is one of those trips I genuinely don’t love in media is the like one female like member of like, yeah, the

Chris 32:44
harem that my favorite harem anime is majority Xmas so

Haney 32:48
the thing with harem anime is at least there are other like male or female like Senator parts right and they just aren’t the main like story. Yeah, they don’t want to get spunked right like think of like setien Latina Right? Like he’s there. He’s still exist even though like oh god, what’s his name? Ken. Now? Yeah, Kitara Shima. But like, yeah, there’s other like, there’s other men in that series or if it’s the other hairstyle like there’s other women they’re just not the focal point of the show. Sure. With like Zara and the Smurfs, they seem to be fucking it.

Chris 33:19
Yeah, yeah,

Haney 33:21
I’m not ready to see papa smurf scamp lately Oh, God,

Unknown Speaker 33:27
cuz they’re gonna be Oh

Chris 33:30
Hani. Shame on you

Haney 33:32
when I do my little Doris donkeys.

Chris 33:36
How much? How much more do we have of this?

Haney 33:38
I don’t know. But I want you to call them. Please.

Chris 33:42
So we tracked down the pervert after primary. Or pervert

Haney 33:46
weird Zara’s as my next note, that’s probably them. All right. So you decided that you’re pretty much fucking that’s enough of this. You’re gonna go talk to Lulu. Yeah, so you find the back entrance which is essentially instead of going up the stairs like to the right you go to the opposite direction to the left or whatever.

Chris 34:07
I love how you paint word pictures.

Haney 34:09
Well, it depends on if you’re coming into the place or leaving it Yeah, thoughts on the writer life so yes, I hate it. As soon as I started talking. You went up the down elevator. So you went the opposite direction on the balcony and you find Lulu staring out into the sunset you walk up to her and try to talk and she just kind of looks at you and then looks down again. Oh, that someone finds my blue bottle. She’s like I don’t care. Ah,

Unknown Speaker 34:38
Miko Hey, you. That’s that face trying to tell you something. You can see it in her expression.

Haney 34:45
There’s like sad, it’s sad. That sad

Unknown Speaker 34:47
face is trying to tell you something.

Haney 34:50
So talk me through what we’ve discovered so far.

Chris 34:54
Zora singer, yeah. Got some eggs. And then they got stalled by some pirates. All right. And she lost her voice for some reason. Yeah,

Haney 35:06
grief, I would assume. I guess. It’s like how Queen Amidala dies of grief and fucking Star Wars. Yeah, okay. Well, you offer me. The concert in town is coming up, but it seems like all the band members are in a funk. Especially Lulu. I haven’t heard her voice in a long time. It’s been like two days. She’s usually in good spirits too. Oh, I wonder if this is related to the ocean turning out weird, huh? Actually, I know a little bit of Lewis secret.

Chris 35:37
That’s my favorite shot.

Haney 35:38
You want to hear it? Yeah, there’s a rumor that the ocean is getting weird because there’s trouble off shore at Great Bay temple. And they say when that happens, something bad will be faulted. Zora descendent has been protecting the temple. And lately Lulu has been looking kind of weird maybe lose the you decide can’t do anything for Lulu right now. But you’re pretty sure the pirates have taken her eggs and it seems like you should probably go over to that Pirates Cove that we saw her

Chris 36:09
form back Yeah, yeah, luckily we found a sign that said like pirate type

Haney 36:14
literally says Pirate Cove No, no tourists. Here’s where things get a little bit weird or a little fishy would you say a little bit as Chris is making his way over to the pirate fortress to try and find his way in. You find yet another Zora? Yeah, and this surah continuing the trend weird Zara trend that we have of Zora perverts is or thirst is like, Hey, you shouldn’t be over here. There’s pirates and it’s dangerous me. No, I’m okay because well, okay, so the truth is that apparently all the pirates are females and they’re all hot as fuck. And I’m trying to sneak into Sneak Peek he’s like, What do you want from me? No, no. Oh there Oh, whoa Beach is crawling with like, like night yucky. Oh, it’s getting there fuck what’s going on over here? They can move Yeah, they can stretch from where they are they’re like attached at the bottom and then they can like the top of them can stretch and reach dislike which is actually very similar to these bonds. I believe she cucumber. Maybe that’s one thing if all right Hear me out. Yeah. Live action Legend of Zelda TV show with Matt Smith playing everyone with Matt Smith playing link Adult Link Yeah, like fierce neuron. Yes, daddy. You aren’t supposed to know what that is. But also Yes.

Unknown Speaker 37:39
Oh, hey,

Haney 37:40
there’s that little sorry. What are you doing? Oh, Miko, what are you doing? Playing slack the

Unknown Speaker 37:45
AST first.

Haney 37:46
This is the ominous pirates fortress. I don’t think you should get too close. But I’m okay. Well, actually, the pirates in this fortress are all women. And better yet here. They’re all gorgeous. So I thought maybe I should check him out. What Don’t look at me like that. This guy at least owns it. At least he didn’t run away and like try to play it off. I guess at least he was like, You know what? I’m here to see hot pirates. Yeah, fine. been wondering why the waters so salty. spunk. Salt, salt, spunk. Fish spunk.

Chris 38:27
So salty fish

Haney 38:28
stew.

Chris 38:29
So Swan around in that salty fish stew. And in the cliff face. There’s a bunch of like, boards with like, very obviously pirate skulls. Yeah.

Haney 38:41
Do you know what that’s called? Pirate is cool. It’s cool. Nothing and crossbones called the Jolly Roger. Fun fact.

Chris 38:47
It’s not very jolly. Now.

Haney 38:49
It’s called skull and crossbones. Jolly Roger. Okay, pirate flag. Oh, synonymous.

Chris 38:53
So we got them all on on here. Here’s what you got to do. One of the functions of Zorah being in the water is go faster. Yeah. And what you can do is go faster into these wood Are you okay? Now I

Haney 39:10
decided to look up what Jolly Roger men or why it’s called that and

Chris 39:13
I spunk on you know in the bathtub.

Haney 39:17
It’s not jolly. The title Jolly Roger. His thoughts come from the French phrase jahleel Rouge, which means pretty read. The original pirate flags are blood red rather than black and white and this signal that numeracy would be given once the pirates parted and battle ensued.

Chris 39:30
Always they’re giving you a heads up.

Haney 39:33
Anyway, anyway, so you decided to start head button some boards? Yeah, just slam into them. Only one of them is actually a secret entrance. The other three are just rock. Yeah. You break through one though. And you come up and kind of dead fish your way onto a slope. Get up on top of the slope and you can kind of see the entrance to a fortress. There’s a big pond in front of you though. And your hot women wandering around a bunch of hot women’s floating around wandering on boats. Boating around in there.

Unknown Speaker 40:04
Oh, oh, hey, hey,

Chris 40:06
you know them. Pirates pirates gorgeous ladies of pirates.

Haney 40:11
Gorgeous lady glop. Hey, yeah, how you

Unknown Speaker 40:19
caught captured?

Haney 40:20
Oh no. Oh no, they just throw you out.

Chris 40:24
Don’t tie me up.

Haney 40:27
Here a big whistle and suddenly you just see Linksys or a fishy body flying off of the parapets into the water below. Being effectively evacuated.

Chris 40:37
Did it hurt me though? That’s good. Pretty sweet.

Haney 40:39
So Chris does. Let’s try again. There’s too many gorgeous ladies of glob. Too much glob. Careful. They can see you.

Chris 40:48
All right. Let’s see here. What’s cool. Oh, they found you. I just see you immediately. All right. All right. Well, let’s go feed these fish to the hungry fish

Haney 41:01
picked out counter. Now. It’s too late. Listen, if you turned to everything into my season into account, I’m gonna do the same to you. I

Chris 41:09
only turn two things into a counter and one of them was ours. How dare you? The Cray counter?

Haney 41:15
Chris, why won’t you spy on these gorgeous women with this guy. With this creep. I get knocked down. But I get up again, how you ever gonna keep me down? But that’s okay. Because you know what? We’re gonna save the game. But before we do, we got a couple more to do to hit us big objective. We got some fish to make big Chris has a pocket full of fish shine and can do attitude. So we go on over to that marine biologist and dump out Chris’s current load into the fish tank. Fish gobbles up that load and says I want more. So Chris and I go on a mission to find some fish. A fish mission is called the fishing. Yeah, good. And we’re pretty efficient at it. Yeah. So we go find some our fish. Bring him back here. Oh, that’s a nice big groupie. Yeah.

Chris 42:04
Big fat juicy Roop. What? What it

Haney 42:08
should be sorry. I thought you were going away from grape. Hey.

Chris 42:13
Hey, you don’t know me. What’s happening? We are strangers before we started this podcast. Here’s the

Haney 42:18
thing we stay friends. Come here. Come here officially or you. Come on. Hello. Ken. Are these not capture bubbles capture? Are these collectible fish. We don’t want the little weeny fish anyway.

Chris 42:33
I want a fucking fish. Dude.

Haney 42:36
Get the big one.

Chris 42:38
Can I help you?

Haney 42:39
I mean, it is like behind you

Unknown Speaker 42:40
every time you’ve swung. Dump them in the tank

Haney 42:44
and keep growing that fish until eventually. What happens Chris?

Chris 42:48
One fish. Big fish. Eats slightly smaller fish. Get bigger fish. Fish vomit apart piece.

Unknown Speaker 42:57
Oh, oh.

Haney 43:00
Oh, it did eat the other 100 and it’s been on a heart. Fuck yeah. Oh, yeah. Nailed it. Ah, you got a piece of heart. You’ve collected two pieces so far. Vortex and your life energy? Hell yeah.

Chris 43:12
Well, I consider that a successful conclusion. Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 43:15
I’d say with that. Why don’t we go back to Corktown in save there.

Chris 43:20
Look at my nipples. Fish. Oh,

Haney 43:23
I was like, I can’t see the fish. Look at my nipples looking.

Chris 43:26
I would like to believe that. They didn’t include it. But Zara have human flesh nipples. Yeah, like little pink ones. Yeah.

Haney 43:35
I didn’t. I wasn’t expecting to eat as homey. But

Chris 43:39
he did. Yeah, he does. Pretty cool. Yeah.

Haney 43:43
Hell yeah. Chris got a herpes. He’s got to. If he collects X amount more, he’ll finish a heart piece. Do more.

Chris 43:50
I don’t remember if it told you. So. Yeah. Two more. Two more hearts. I get extra heart. Yeah, cool. I’ve got a hard on. Nice. Yeah. And that’s where we saved the game.

Haney 44:00
Yeah, so at this point, I think you locate your nearest als statue and give it the old college save. Chris. How are you feeling about today’s episode of The Legend of Zelda Majora s mask?

Chris 44:10
I could be feeling better. Yeah, I could be feeling worse.

Haney 44:13
Yeah. I don’t feel bad about your performance today. But I feel bad about what we witnessed mostly in the Zara Hall.

Chris 44:19
Yeah, that wasn’t great. The race wasn’t great. That wasn’t a great way to start the day. That’s all

Haney 44:24
right. It was always next time it happened. Yeah, Zara are weird. Yeah, not my favorite. They’re also markedly different than they have been an ocarina of time in this game. They’re like kinda like dude bros in this and an Ocarina of Time. They seemed like to be a very like proud. Yeah, like people. I like dude, bro. More. Yeah, more fun.

Chris 44:43
I don’t like how thirsty they all are.

Haney 44:45
Oh, the water salty. Been a long time since I came out.

Chris 44:52
So what did we accomplish today? We got some exploring, got some exploring. We got some objective.

Haney 44:58
I think the biggest thing we accomplished Today was getting through this kind of set up to get to the next bit where we’re obviously about to go into something seemingly like a dungeon with the pirate. The pirate pirate then folk them hot pirates. You got this aura mask pretty cool. It’s pretty big.

Chris 45:17
And you got a heart piece.

Haney 45:20
Got a herpes so pretty good day actually. Yeah,

Chris 45:22
yeah, it’s fine. Yeah. Um,

Haney 45:26
what’s your goal for next game?

Chris 45:27
I don’t I’m not gonna I’m not gonna give you a goal. But I’m gonna give you a couple things I want to keep in mind yeah. spook mask near Romani Ranch. Yep, can now dive for chesties in water. Hell, yeah. Hot pirates.

Haney 45:39
How pirates always keep those in mind.

Chris 45:41
Ah, there’s a Water Temple somewhere somewhere. Who cares? We’re not there yet. Yeah, gotta get through the murky, murky, foggy waters to get to that and can’t do that yet.

Haney 45:52
What’s going on with the murky foggy water so we’ve got a whole bunch of disparate pieces of the temples all fucked. There’s something happening there. The water is warm. It’s murky. Too much spawn fucking eggs are getting stolen left and right. They’re weird. What’s happened in here?

Chris 46:06
I don’t know. Something bad at the temple.

Haney 46:08
Who do you think caused that? What do you think’s going on there? Do you think the temples has been bad forever?

Chris 46:13
Well, no. Because the temple we’ve found up to this point have had kind of Cursed guardians. Yeah. So I assume something’s going on with the Water Temple guardian. Who’s got a little what a little a little bit of Majora on him. Yeah.

Haney 46:28
And now he’s doing bad stuff. Yeah. Do you think we can track this all back down to Majora?

Chris 46:33
I think so. I feel like there’s like one more instrument. I’m missing though. Do you? Well in the milk bar. Weren’t there two empty spots I had to fill on the stage.

Haney 46:46
I don’t remember. Maybe we should make that as a note to go back. Yeah, I

Chris 46:49
thought there were two and I’ve got one one mask which means there might be one more spot left. You

Haney 46:54
can also go back now pretty much whenever you want because you have the Romani masks so you can get in to the milk bar. Yeah, it makes it a lot easier.

Chris 47:01
Yeah. There’s also the spider house that I didn’t visit today.

Haney 47:04
Yeah, there’s the spider house here at Great Bay and there’s also the one back in the swamp space to which are probably good spaces to check out at some point.

Chris 47:12
So here’s what I might try next time yeah at risk of wasting an entire other recording session. That’s

Haney 47:17
fine. I don’t fucking care.

Chris 47:20
Back at Gore on town, it’s frozen over but if I thought up there’s a whole lot of water. Yeah, that can dive into as a Zara. Yeah, there’s also gold dust with a fancy new sword so I can kind of all knock that out in one go Yeah, perform well enough. Yeah. I think if I was one of the things it not in this case, I’m just pissed. Yeah. But if I’m gonna do that, I definitely want that good milk again.

Haney 47:46
Yeah, the Chateau Romani. I’m gonna believe you can purchase from the milk bar. Yeah.

Chris 47:51
And I do want to get to Romani Ranch on day three. What I want to know I don’t know either. And mostly, I don’t want to come back to Zoras place next not next time. It’s real bad. Dude. We can do a lot of points wandering around.

Haney 48:05
We could have a spider house episode where we just go through both spider houses. Fuck, dude. Yeah,

Chris 48:11
there’s a whole lot of options. I don’t have a firm objective. We’re just going to see how I feel when I roll up. That’s

Haney 48:16
the best way I don’t I don’t like setting objectives beforehand.

Chris 48:20
We learned what happened last time I said objective so yeah, we did not meet a single one. Zero. So

Haney 48:25
let’s, let’s just let’s make this our only objective. Yeah, have fun. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Chris, do you have any more final thoughts about this episode of not Final Fantasy?

Chris 48:34
No. Hope your hope you’re enjoying it out there. And you as well, I am as well. I like that you’re answering for everyone. Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 48:42
they are too. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Well, if they

Haney 48:45
know what’s good for them, they’re gonna enjoy it. Yeah, I think with that, thanks so much for listening, and we’ll see you next time. Bye. Ye Sue. Thanks so much for listening to the first encounter podcast. If you want the journey to continue please support us at patreon.com/first encounter. Find our socials and contact info at first encounter podcast.com Please stop by and say hey, our intro and outro music is by Alden Zach Hey listener, if you’re still here, you might be wondering why didn’t I get my spunk How did I sign up at spunk me daddy dot o

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