Haney 0:05
Hey listener first encounters an explicit podcast by grownups for grownups. content warnings can be found in the episode description.

Chris 0:12
How’re you doing Buster Bronco? All right, well,

Haney 0:19
I guess I’m on strike. Yeah, that’s fair. If I just don’t speak I’ll be on strike and then you have to pay me more.

Chris 0:25
This episode is brought to you by you, patrons, which means this is your

Haney 0:34
fault listeners who listen for free. Don’t blame us for what happens in this episode.

Unknown Speaker 0:39
Please reach out to our patrons reach out to each of them directly. We

Haney 0:43
will publish their emails publicly. This is

Chris 0:45
their fault. This is all on them. I can’t believe you’ve done

Haney 0:49
this.

Chris 0:51
And so you can let’s go ahead and thank them Hani Yeah, let’s

Haney 0:55
let’s let’s name and shame these folks, shall we? So if you want to levy your complaints to the content of this episode, you can send those right on over to people like Josh, Joan fumbling for in the almighty crit. Deadeye. Cody, Calabria, Brendan, Ben. And Alex,

Chris 1:14
thank you so much. Also, shame on you. Also, this episode in particular, we get to thank two new patrons.

Haney 1:23
Thank you so much, Elise. And Lisa, might be Liza. Or Liza, you tell us I’m assuming it’s Liza.

Chris 1:30
I can only read so well, which is not well,

Haney 1:32
yeah, I was gonna say. Thank you so much to Elise and Liza for your joining Patreon.

Chris 1:40
I hope we do it justice for you. And that you have as good a time here as we have making stuff for it.

Haney 1:47
Spoiler, you will not have a good time. Hey,

Chris 1:51
Chris spoilers for the episode we’ll get there.

Haney 1:54
But we can’t just leave you the blame at the patrons who love and support us and the work we create. We also have to go cut above to the people who helped create this show and that really,

Chris 2:06
truly their fall our producers, our producers, so thank you so much, Denise. August and Jacob. How could you let us do this? Can’t believe you’ve done this? This is on your heads?

Haney 2:17
Yeah. This episode, like all episodes this season are brought to you by uncommon coffee right here in the heart of Vermont. Uncommon vt.com has all your coffee needs you can head on over to that website. Pick yourself out something nice kid and put a little promo code called Good good. All one word into the promo box and watch 10% Come off your order.

Chris 2:40
Incredible. We fucking love it’s fucking magic. We don’t understand how it works. But no, nobody does it. It’s a mystery last time so thank you so much uncommon coffee.

Haney 2:52
Uncommon vt.com

Chris 2:54
Well What a nightmare I don’t think we can delay any longer honey. All right, Chris.

Haney 2:59
Let’s let’s take it back a little bit to times when things are a little simpler. And we knew what we were trying to do.

Chris 3:19
Well Hani here we are again.

Unknown Speaker 3:22
Who we are born to be kings were the princes of the universe

Chris 3:30
is back back back again. Back Back Back again. Guess who’s back? Zelda is back.

Haney 3:39
Bang bang. Hey.

Unknown Speaker 3:43
We are created a monster because nobody wants to see Marshall no more. They will surely I’m blue with the people Jamie This is.

Chris 3:50
We did a whole lot of stuff today. A little bit of me mix. On one hand, we did a whole lot of stuff on the other. We didn’t really do anything. It was both beautiful and horrible all at once. Yeah. It’s such as the first encounter way.

Haney 4:05
The way of first encounter is my favorite martial art.

Chris 4:09
It’s my favorite protein blend. Yeah.

Haney 4:12
Chris, we got to talk about how you decided today. Listen on load up that you were going to drink some milk and some Gorons

Chris 4:20
Okay, here’s the thing. We ended last episode with some objectives and I was like yeah, I can accomplish those. It’s two things I can I can make those happen right. I would believe in you. Yeah. What were those things when the fucking Goron race so I can get that cool sword. Pretty easy. I want it once before first try no problem.

Haney 4:41
Too bad you reset time and lost the gold dust you needed for that lesson. Fine. That’s fine. That’s fine. I

Chris 4:46
can do it once I can do it twice. No problem. And check out Romani Ranch evening, day three. Perfect. Let’s see who rolls into town.

Haney 4:57
Well, let’s check in and see where we got here. Yeah, so we love the game pile up. Chris is raring to go ready to go racing Gorons so he decides that he’s going to proceed back to snow head temple. He also decided that the best way to win the race was to chug his Chateau Romani. Yeah. Which if you remember from last episode we discovered is a very expensive milk drank that Chris now has access to via the milk bar that allows you to have essentially unlimited magic power for three days. Chris was like, hell yeah, there’s gonna be a brilliant for me.

Chris 5:30
Yeah, I’ll dose up. I still haven’t seen Romani day three. Yeah. With all the folk in it. All right. So I do want to see that. But I think that’s the only day I need to check out. Okay. And then we’re gonna see what the deal with a great day

Haney 5:42
is. Yeah, right. You could still get gold dust. Oh, and

Chris 5:47
I have like milk or something to waste because it’s good. All right, cool. So here’s what we’re gonna do.

Haney 5:55
Yeah, I think you’re halfway through the second day or something.

Chris 5:57
Yeah. Are you gonna go Oh, yeah, I got the years. Oh, yeah.

Haney 5:59
You got the bunny Hotel? Yeah, yeah. You’re fast now. Near the spot. Boy.

Chris 6:05
They see me run. They call me all the time. So here’s what we’re gonna do. What are we doing? I’m gonna drink the potion. All right, I’m gonna win the race. All right. Hopefully that’ll

Unknown Speaker 6:15
God move.

Chris 6:17
It’s dangerous. You have a sword.

Haney 6:19
I am a sword.

Chris 6:21
Yeah, I’m gonna drink the potion. I’m gonna win the race at the Goron town. Yeah, I’m gonna get some gold dust. I’m gonna get my sword. Hopefully that’ll take me to day three. Then I can check out the ranch. See what’s going on there. Oh, yeah.

Haney 6:35
So Chris decides to roll on over to Gordonville and drink some milk. Problem. You get to Granville. And it seems like it’s a bit cold. Maybe not exactly the write tonight for spring racing.

Chris 6:50
Not quite spring. Yeah.

Haney 6:52
So what do we think we got to do here?

Chris 6:56
So this is going to be a real snow head temple of a time today.

Haney 7:02
Yeah. Welcome back to snow. headstamp. We’re

Chris 7:04
gonna dive in there. Try and clear it out. Maybe we’ll get all the fairies this time. Last time. Yeah. Well, we’ll see.

Haney 7:12
NASA you can jump further.

Chris 7:14
I can jump. Good. Jump cutter. Yeah, we’ll see what’s going on. So here we go.

Haney 7:20
I’m sorry to bother you from such a high place. But I’m very hungry and I’ve gotten stuck here.

Chris 7:24
Top down his little. He’s stuck. I don’t got time for you. But he’s hungry. I have to see if I can even do the race.

Haney 7:31
You can’t do I’m just gonna stop I’m gonna prevent that from happening right now. You need to go ahead bring Yeah, go to snow head transforming the garden and get this no head. Snow head. He appears to be blowing. What’s that? There’s something in the middle of that Blizzard. Casey, it.

Chris 7:48
We’ve done this before Carol.

Haney 7:50
She has no memory.

Chris 7:53
What? Her memory gets wiped.

Haney 7:56
Like what legitimate nightmare. That would be. Oh, no.

Chris 8:02
What am I doing up here? Honey?

Haney 8:03
You’re going to snow head but I don’t know why you’re taking so long to do it. Why? Why am I going to snow head? I thought you wanted it to be spring so you could win the race. Yeah, why do I have to do that? Yeah, go in the sample. What are you doing now? Why are you

Chris 8:17
I’m more agile is like, you don’t have to roll. And no one told you you had to roll. You don’t understand. It’s like you’ve never played as the Goron before.

Haney 8:29
I haven’t. That’s true. Have you seen me roll

Unknown Speaker 8:31
it? Oh god.

Haney 8:34
I thought you were more agile. So you walk into his no head sample after chugging some milk. Yum. And you hear a disembodied voice saying ye who holds my remains basically fuck around and find out and a little portal appears that works. Yeah, all the way through snow head all the way to the final boss. Yeah, that’s actually pretty convenient.

Chris 8:54
It’s very good. Yeah, so all I have to do in this case is teleport to the boss Batum Bang Boom. It’s spring. It’s spring. That’s pretty tight. Don’t have to go through the temple at all. Love that.

Haney 9:06
So Chris teleports to the boss go if you remember he’s still frozen still frozen? Still Alive somehow. Even though you have his remains. Yeah, I like to think that you’re just collecting his remains over and over and over again. Yeah, I just have a pile of goat remains. Yeah, yeah. Just all times and you do some some some goat him some goat goat karting if you will. Yeah. You have a little race with the go around this circle. Yeah. So I thought him he starts running.

Chris 9:35
I start chasing. And this is fantastic. Because I have infinite magic this time. Yeah, so you don’t have to stop to get pots. I have a couple more extra hearts. This go around pretty much unstoppable. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 9:46
Oh, you’ve been electrocuted.

Chris 9:49
Any Hey, why are you here again?

Haney 9:52
Yeah, you said you wanted to do the game. I don’t know what you want the big game. Speaking of Tom Brady as the goat he kicked you white midair he’s pissed at you like way quicker this time I did kill him yeah and he knows it because He literally says if you have my remains meet me here I love how like fuck around and find out it is to he’s like literally like meet me at the appointed spot which is so like meet me behind the lockers that roof. Yeah take him on nice nailed it. Hey Brady what you want to be buried in? Oh he’s out. Oh fuck you he’s getting not good. He’s seems to be on the fritz. If I remember right he’s gonna start pooping bombs at You familiar?

Unknown Speaker 10:43
No. Oh god gosh no worries Oh Annie Oh, oh Hani stop. Oh

Haney 10:55
again, calm should make fart noises when it comes out.

Chris 10:58
Yeah, but yeah, I agree. I agree. That’s the official first encounter. Stance Yeah.

Haney 11:05
First Encounter and their partner stance. I’m willing to I’m willing to stake that claim. This is fine. Yeah. Ask anyone in a partnership with anyone from first encounter and they’ll say fart come please.

Chris 11:18
Please don’t. Please don’t let my partner know we reference her at

Haney 11:24
all. Don’t Don’t tell my partner that I have a secret she thinks you have a part time job that you go to on Sundays. Oh, boy. So fast as fuck. Oh, he’s Oh, now he’s putting bombs

Unknown Speaker 11:38
full bombs.

Haney 11:40
Right there a couple more hits. Can we get him?

Chris 11:42
I think so. Oh, oh. Get ahead of him being Randy. Oh, get under his booty get a

Haney 11:49
Larry and Larry. Watch out for that. Oh, nice. Oh, yeah. First day. No problem. See, easy

Chris 11:56
GG I would have been definitely fucked without the potion.

Haney 12:01
100%. But you definitely be able to just like crush the Goron race. Yeah. Luckily for both of us and everyone involved, you actually do nail this in one go. So Chris takes go to task. No problem easy. And bring spring to the ground village? Hell yeah.

Chris 12:20
Hell yeah. Maybe it can be the patriarch now. Now so.

Haney 12:24
So you beat snow head tumble again. Yeah. And you get teleported to the Goron village and you’re kind of just grinding around and you’re like, Oh, this is? Well, I actually you’re linking around. I’m also in XLV. No, boy. Yeah, gotcha. You’re linking around. And you’re like, Oh, right. I don’t have any money.

Chris 12:42
Yeah, and the reason I need money is because the Gorn races the boulders back. Yeah, don’t boulder. Yeah. So I got to break the boulder again. But here’s the thing. To break the boulder. You need a big powderkeg back gig. Yeah. So you go to the powder cake shop. Pretty easy. It’s right there.

Haney 12:59
I got the neurons there. He’s like, I’d like to sell you one. But 100 rupees.

Chris 13:05
That’s steep at high. That’s a lot of rope

Haney 13:10
with a lot of rope. And you had I think four. So yeah, not not enough.

Chris 13:15
So for the next hour, cotton trees down and down bush. Now what we actually do is we go back to clocktower. Yeah. And make a withdrawal. Yeah, you’re like, Yeah, you got about 1000 bucks in the bank. I have 200 bucks in the bank.

Haney 13:31
Those are the same thing to me, which is also why I’m not allowed to be in charge of and I’m not in charge of first encounters finances. It’s not that I’m wealthy. It’s that I just don’t fucking care.

Chris 13:43
Yeah, so back to the Clock Town. I try and take out my 200 Rupes. There’s a $4 surcharge. Yeah, only at this time of night. So I take out 100 And whatever the fuck

Haney 13:54
like 170 rupees, whatever, shift that Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 13:57
that’s fine. It’s fine. Go back to Goran town.

Haney 14:00
No. So you’re like, Oh, I’m gonna buy a powder keg from town. That’s right. Because I was like, maybe it’s cheaper. Yeah. And it was 50 rupees. So it’s literally half price if you buy it from the Normie Goron and the bomb shopping clocked down versus the Medi Goron where it’s made

Chris 14:16
they work just as well. There’s no reason to go to the source. No.

Haney 14:19
So you put one of those in your pocket and you fly back to Granville.

Chris 14:25
I have exactly 200 rupees did oh hell yeah. Four rupee surcharge.

Haney 14:32
You don’t have enough money. Hey, buy my guy. Oh, of all places you’re gone. So you should be able to carry a powder keg, right? So once you buy a powder keg for 50 rupees Yeah, it’s half price dude. Hell yeah.

Chris 14:46
What a rip off the other place you got a powder

Haney 14:48
keg. powder kegs made by my instructor extremely powerful. Come back and see me if you run out. So

Chris 14:54
either the other guy’s overcharging or this guy’s like, bad at business not doing so. than right.

Haney 15:00
I think what he was doing was selling them at a discounted rate to get you hooked. And then he’s gonna leave after the festival. And you have to trek all the way up to Gore on town and then by the time you get there, it’s gonna be like, Well, why are you fucking here? I’m not gonna like it spend all the time getting here. I’ll pay 100 bucks just because I want to nonsense. Yeah. Follow me for other Hot Tips brought to the boulder. Well, you were transformed into a garden and you’ve rolled yourself right into some water and almost died. Then you rolled up to the ball. Okay, well, it’s you know, it’s fine. And you see your best friend who calls you daarmee the prince guy, a little prince, chieftains son he shares here. He sure is here. So you put the powder keg on him and tried to detonate him? He doesn’t come to harm it’s fine but the boulder does not boulder he yells Dami let’s go play games and runs in and you’re like fucking here we are done Why did you

Unknown Speaker 16:05
I thought I could like just no my way no god dammit

Haney 16:11
YOU DON’T BE ABLE TO DIE seem to be able to dive very very deep at all. Yeah, now there’s bad fishes.

Unknown Speaker 16:17
No.

Haney 16:18
What are you doing?

Chris 16:19
I’m trying to move while I’m trying

Haney 16:22
to go anywhere if you’re to just be angry with you anywhere but here

Chris 16:25
it would be ideal

Haney 16:26
because anywhere is better than

Unknown Speaker 16:28
he we stay steam please. Look at tingles is P everyone should have been tingle me.

Unknown Speaker 16:41
Hey, oh yeah, no,

Chris 16:45
that’s fine. It’s fine. It’s fine. It’s okay. I hate it final 24 hours remain a Dami Yeah, I’ll enter really not

Haney 17:00
giving me enough time to do I don’t want to hear this kid talk. You have to I want to show everyone how Jaimee races God if your magic power runs low

Chris 17:11
you fuck it at Chris go fast.

Haney 17:13
I’m

Chris 17:14
the milk Goron user.

Haney 17:16
Is this the equivalent of juicing? Yeah. Are you juicing right now? That definitely seems like you were a wee bit early now. As they say, Fuck off.

Chris 17:30
Get killed the other guns with my spikes you should you made a fun observation that everyone else was already at the race.

Haney 17:39
I don’t know how so he’s, he says as he’s running in like they’re gonna start without us or something like that. Like you gotta hurry up. And it’s like, how the fuck did they get in there? If you weren’t like if the path was blocked with a boulder? Or if there’s multiple pads, why are you so fucking bent out of shape trying to get this one open as opposed to going through any of the other ones.

Chris 17:58
So here’s there’s two options here. All right, hit me. A they’ve just been in there since before the boulder fell, like trapped. And definitely. That seems like it could be a possibility waiting for the race to start. Yeah. Or to the race never came. They were about to start the race. They put the boulder there so nobody else would show up.

Haney 18:16
Do you think they were trying to keep you daarmee out or the child? The child’s? Yeah. 100%.

Chris 18:20
Yeah,

Haney 18:21
they’re like, Wow, this. I bet this will be a blast if there wasn’t a little kid screaming at me the entire time. Yeah, that sounds like it can be great. Now I get it though. I get it. So then you follow him in and you start racing.

Chris 18:34
Yeah, it’s pretty cool. I got infant magic this time, so I don’t have to slow down to pick up those stupid pots.

Haney 18:40
You’re gonna just crush it. Yeah. So we do a little warm up spin. No problem figured out. Just figure it out. Get my handling. Yeah. And Chris. Chris loses. But that’s okay. It was a warm up. We’re just trying to check the winter stiffness out of dummies bones and all that good stuff. So we’re gonna load it up a second time. Oh, yeah. Hi, Sue. Sue just steamrolled you. Like so it seemed to do as much as you’d want them to know. I was really hoping for some murder. There’s like an outside track. As they call it in NASCAR. Chris’s favorite sport. Chris NASCAR. NASCAR. NASCAR me Okay, nasty cars.

Chris 19:22
Move out of the fucking way.

Haney 19:23
Get on crest you gotta win. Chris jam who’s daarmee big wiener boy

Unknown Speaker 19:29
I’m trying crazy Hawk show

Chris 19:35
you piece of fucker absolute garbage

Haney 19:38
is a step because when it was so long your kid and you felt you were you know a little stiff still. You’re trying to get a lay of the land figured out what the obstacles were no big deal.

Chris 19:52
Third time’s the charm. Yeah, so

Haney 19:53
look up that third time. Bang that Larry.

Chris 19:58
Oh, you’ve lost I just to reset it, it’ll reset

Haney 20:01
and it’s going to start going the wrong way. I’ll be like, Yeah, you’re stupid and you can’t win this way.

Chris 20:07
This isn’t the wrong way.

Haney 20:08
You’re going the right way. That’s like a god. But when men ramp, sir oh my goodness, what the fuck? What is happening here?

Chris 20:17
This doesn’t make any sense.

Haney 20:19
Holy shit. Oh, this is awkward. Yeah, maybe the fourth time. Oh, dude,

Chris 20:25
you hurt yourself over there.

Haney 20:28
Yeah, he was like if I can’t win at least I take daarmee down. Oh no, that’s

Chris 20:35
five Yeah, probably.

Unknown Speaker 20:36
Oh God,

Haney 20:38
Chris bang the left, left.

Chris 20:41
Left, left left left. Yeah,

Haney 20:45
yep keep it true.

Unknown Speaker 20:48
Oh god six.

Chris 20:49
Yeah this this time for sure. Oh, oh, whoa says what you wanted today?

Haney 20:57
Yeah, I woke up this morning I was like you know what? I don’t even want to I don’t even want to make a podcast anymore

Chris 21:04
that didn’t even knock him out of it you just want to set it off what

Haney 21:08
the last share seven seven got it? He

Chris 21:10
said yes Lucky Seven.

Haney 21:12
Can you hear me dammit. I’m sorry, but there’s no way you can win anymore. Do you want to keep racing anyway? No. Well, you had of course, so. Maybe it’s a good number. It’s uneven. Yeah, racetracks are sometimes shaped like eights.

Chris 21:25
No, no, no, no, Don’t fucking touch me.

Haney 21:28
salutely not.

Chris 21:30
He’s God, the way he’s rolling. Looks so fucking dumb. Why am I not catching up? Okay,

Haney 21:37
I don’t know. Annie. What? I can’t help you.

Chris 21:41
I want to Why did you design it this way?

Haney 21:43
I’m sorry. I’m bad at designing games. Oh, oh, it’s okay. It’s okay.

Chris 21:49
It’s okay. It was okay. It

Haney 21:50
was okay. Okay,

Chris 21:52
not out yet.

Haney 21:53
Keep to the left.

Unknown Speaker 21:54
Get off my butthole

Haney 21:56
seriously, that was bullshit. Don’t say the left. Don’t say the left. Let’s figure this out. I think we know what the problem is.

Chris 22:02
Let’s rap about this.

Haney 22:03
Let’s slow down time. Maybe they’re just going too fast.

Chris 22:07
I’m already juiced up when cheating a little bit further.

Haney 22:10
Yeah. Let’s see. Oh, yeah, that’s also the thing that I hate is that you’re clearly like on steroids and this entire Yeah. That’s okay. What about um, can I interest you in number nine? Okay, I don’t know. Panty. Why? I can’t help you.

Chris 22:26
I want to Why did you design it this way?

Haney 22:29
I’m sorry. I’m bad at designing games. Oh, oh. It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay. It was okay. It was okay. It’s okay.

Chris 22:37
not out yet. Keep the left. Get off my butthole

Haney 22:41
seriously, that was bullshit. Don’t say the left don’t say the left. We’ll see what number 10 brings us

Chris 22:46
all right. Okay.

Unknown Speaker 22:47
double digits. Let’s

Chris 22:48
let’s do it.

Haney 22:50
What if we just kill the other contestants before they can participate? Actually make it a gore on foot race? No one rolls y’all have to run this model.

Chris 22:59
Is it 5pm?

Haney 23:00
Yeah. You’ve done this all day. Not in the final day. Jesus. Fuck you. If you’re not first you’re last.

Chris 23:09
Oh, that was a fucking waste of time. Yeah, love. No, no.

Haney 23:15
We’re doing this again. Huh?

Chris 23:16
No, we’re not. What the fuck Kenny?

Haney 23:18
Alright, here it is. Number 11. get across. get across. Come on. Fire. Come on, baby. Let my fire

Chris 23:29
How long have I been sitting here for a while? Yeah, we’ve been fucking going around this track. Well, here’s the thing. Here’s the thing. Let’s talk about this. So at number 11. Lesson, Henny, I know I’ve been holding myself together. The strike is stupid. This race sucks. It’s all turned against me. You hate

Haney 23:46
Gorons neurons are bad. They look like bad scallops when they run. They have flat tires. It’s all bad.

Chris 23:54
So here’s what’s going on with this race. You can get bumped a couple times before you’re bumped out of your roll.

Haney 23:59
Yep. And if you get bumped out of your roll, all the other grinds are still rolling forward.

Chris 24:03
So you can’t bump anyone else out of a roll. But they can all bump you regardless of whether you got your spikes out. Yep. Nobody else has spikes know what should be like a sure win for me.

Haney 24:13
They don’t need them. They’re just so much better than you. Clearly. Yeah,

Chris 24:16
I’m missing something. You’re

Haney 24:17
juiced. You’re you have illegal spikes. You’re starting the races early. Chris also figured out that he can start like a half second early. Yes, that it’s like 200 milliseconds, but still just enough.

Chris 24:27
Here’s the other thing that’s going on with the race bombs. No, not the bombs. I’ll get to the bomb. There’s a lot going on. I’ll just get to the bombs here. Now that you mentioned the bombs, okay. Anyone else blows up a bomb. It’s going to blow you up too, but it doesn’t stop them. It only stops you. That’s annoying. Really fucking annoying. I don’t love that. No, the other so the other thing that I was gonna say is that the way the game is programmed, is if any guards are ahead of you. They’re going to slow down so you can catch up. But if they’re behind you, they’re going to catch up to you and they just start going faster. Yeah, Which means you’re always in the middle of this pour on club. Yeah. And anyone can bump you out of the roll. Anyone can blow you up by rolling over bombs.

Haney 25:09
Yeah, it’s fine. That’s fine. It’s fine. It’s fine. You know, it’s fine, because we’re on the 11th attempt, because we’re on the 11th attempt. And at this point, you notice that it is so late in day three that the counter has changed on your countdown and instead of just being a normal clock, that’s usually on the screen. It’s literally counting down the hours that you have left. I think I got six minutes. Yeah, six, you have six hours left, which is 666 hours. So I got six minutes.

Chris 25:35
I think this is when you pointed out the like, hey, it takes a day and a night to make the sword anyway. Yeah. So even if you won the race on day three, like if you got this I don’t think you can get it on day three. Yeah,

Haney 25:48
I don’t. I don’t know. But I also don’t want to test that theory either. Yeah, you can’t start having it made on day three. I can’t imagine. Yeah, well, shit. Fuck. You know what? It’s fine. Let’s just reset time. Maurissa time. Well, we’re gonna get a clock down. We’re gonna reset time. Take a big breath in. We don’t need the fucking shoutout. Romani. We don’t need the fuckin Goron race. It’s fine. We’ll come back for the sort of another day. It’s no big deal. All right,

Chris 26:13
perfect. I love it. So this is this is why I love hanging out with you. Because you always keep me calm and centered.

Haney 26:19
Yeah, I try. So you decide to do a little pissy? Resetti Yep, as they call it. Yep. And when you do your pissy Resetti you go out to turn minnifield And you summon e pony.

Chris 26:34
All right, well, enough for that. Yeah. What

Unknown Speaker 26:36
are we what are we up to today?

Chris 26:37
We’re gonna go check out Great Bay. On new poena Oh, goodness. Oh, camera.

Haney 26:44
Did you get money out of the bank? Yeah, I

Chris 26:46
took 100 group. So just in case there’s something I wanted. No, I’m saying yeah, treat yourself

Haney 26:51
yeah. So you summon a poner to decide to go check out Great Bay but on the way to the west you get distracted by the east as Chris’s want to do Yeah, he got and you find something called the econo graveyard. So talk to me about econo and this this eastern region? What’s what’s going on here? Yeah.

Chris 27:09
So in the past, I’ve kind of wandered up this road before it’s kind of a can uni cliffy sort of road it’s got some like sandstone earthen pillar type things. It’s got some gates that previously I couldn’t get across because I didn’t have a horse of course. Now you can jump your horse of course. Yeah. So that I jumped the gate and keep heading north up into the mountains.

Haney 27:37
Some some might even say that you’re not heading north at all, in fact, and you’re in fact heading continually east. Yeah, no, no. All right. That’s fine.

Chris 27:45
Those people are mistaken. Oh, my apologies. So we get North enough and we kind of hit this a wall. Yeah. And upon the wall is a fella. Yeah. And we got a sign that says you kind of graveyard Yeah, and this fella says, Hey, kid. Hey, kid.

Haney 28:02
You you want to go into the graveyard? There’s spirits that are lost in there. Yeah, that’s pretty cool, isn’t it? But the only way I can lay in there is if you got a spook mask. You gotta get spooked back from the ranch. You got to get near the rear of the ring. Yeah, not in the ranch near the rain. So this this fella is described this fella for me.

Chris 28:21
Shorter fella Yeah, it’s got kind of a raggedy cloak cloak on with the hood it’s got a hood up and you can see like They’re glowing eyes underneath the hood one I just want to specifically one red eye and you can’t see any of their face now I got a little booties on yeah overall pretty cool design. Yeah, I enjoy it reminds me of a oppo

Haney 28:42
a little bit it should because this character’s name is the pope collector

Chris 28:46
Oh I didn’t know that yeah

Haney 28:47
pretty cool

Chris 28:48
that’s pretty cool yeah yeah yeah yeah all right new area welcome if you didn’t hear all right so

Unknown Speaker 28:58
are you doing in a place lagging behind here is the places spirits with troubles and lingering regrets wonder even know the spirits wander in search of one who can save them it is unfortunate but it’s no place Chris one such as you. But if you must enter then you must obtain the mask containing wandering spirits that can be found near the ranch. Without that mask you cannot save their souls until then I will not let you pass by here he

Chris 29:41
so I turn around head out of the gravy area

Haney 29:45
and decide the fuck that I’m not going to even go remotely even think about that mask.

Chris 29:49
Well what else can I do? You know I got the horse now there’s a dead fish that you needed to look at or something fucking dead fish there’s

Haney 29:55
a whole snails got to into the tank at the Great Bay or Whatever. Yeah,

Chris 30:00
whole beach beach scene beach beach. Let’s go to the beach beach beach. So this is your complimentary beach episode.

Haney 30:09
Yeah. So you roll on over to Great Bay. We were here last time a little bit just poking around. So you had a couple two dues here. You wanted to explore some more you wanted to figure out what’s going on. And last time we were here, a fisherman told us about a corpse Zuora corpse in the water just floating around.

Chris 30:27
Yeah, they were also complaining about why the water is tainted, like, there’s kind of go hand in hand. Yeah,

Haney 30:32
it seems seems seems fair. So Chris decides to roll on up to the fisherman’s has to kind of get a refresher. So in the fisherman’s hut, we learn from a fisherman that the waters have gotten warm. And not only that, is that bad for him as a fisherman, because it’s killing all the fish. But it’s not for the fish because it’s killing all the fish. It’s also bad for the zaurus because Zorzi fish, so literally everything here is bad. The waters gotten murky, you can’t even swim out past a certain point or boat out past a certain point because you’ll get all turned around in the murky and fog and storm and seems like this place sucks. Yeah. And on top of all that this dude saw dead fish out in the Zora that he said was lifeless, quote, unquote. And he’s like, yeah, it’s probably too late. Oh, that’s

Chris 31:17
probably a goner.

Haney 31:18
The worst part about this is that it’s like maybe 10 feet out the body like he could probably walk in the easily. Yeah, that’s all that dude once he can walk out to where he wasn’t like, alright, this is my now.

Unknown Speaker 31:30
All right, well, here we are anywhere. It’s

Chris 31:31
gonna be a little beach of an episode. Yeah, I love beach. I didn’t bring my suit though. All right. All right. So you got some birds circling? Definitely a corpse. All right. This was the guy who told me about the corpse. They didn’t want to touch

Haney 31:47
fisherman’s hut. Yeah. I’ve been catching fish in the seas for 30 years, like its face. When it comes to catching fish. I’m even better than the Tsar as why doesn’t he have nipples? That’s what I’d like to be saying. Anyway, lately, the seawater has gotten really warm. It hasn’t helped my fishing at all. No shit. And what’s worse, this water is murky. So when I ship out, I always lose my way and somehow end up back at shore. Come to think of it. There was a sort of floating lifelessly out in the bay. Yeah. But there’s probably no helping them now.

Chris 32:23
Jesus Christ. All right, cool. You’re fine.

Haney 32:25
I guess. Are we gonna go fishing?

Chris 32:27
How do I get the old rod?

Haney 32:29
Well, Chris decides that he doesn’t really need to worry about the fish right now. Because I’m the bay. There’s like a little little circular hut with Oh, fishing hook on it. Yeah. Chris is a massive fan of Super Smash Brothers. And I was like, I want to go check out the level from Super Smash Brothers. Yeah. And by that, I mean, I said, Hey, Chris, do you recognize that and he was like, No, not really. It’s a level 2% I don’t believe that you believe me? To get on. It’s a shit level. Actually. I hate that level. Okay. So you roll up to the marine biologist. Yeah. So I don’t. This is an interesting thing to have in this game is a marine biologist. So

Chris 33:09
they say marine biologist, but what it is, is in a guy with insane

Haney 33:14
aquarium, insane old man in a floating HUD that has an aquarium Yeah. To actually because the other one, he has one that’s full of fish that are big. And he has one that’s empty for hatching. So you’re all in there. And you’re like, Hey, what’s going on here? And he’s like, Hey, have you seen the Zara? They’re late? The one of them was supposed to make egg rain Research Lab researching water quality and marine life farms in Great Bay.

Chris 33:48
Why is your water quality so fucking garbage? How about you do your job? Jesus Christ.

Haney 33:53
Yeah, that sounds great. Oh, I like this music.

Unknown Speaker 33:57
They’re like, what are those jars doing? What is it boy, did you also come to watch the Tsar eggs hatch. I’m excited about it too, but those important eggs haven’t arrived yet. It takes about one to three days from the time Zahra eggs are laid for them to hatch. But if they are kept in this aquarium until then, they may die. The reason for this is that the recent of normal weather has caused the ocean temperature to rise in this region. Zara eggs are very sensitive to changes in the temperature. The only way the eggs can hatch is if they’re placed in this aquarium water which I set aside for them long ago. That’s ours are well aware of this but they’re still light. I wonder if something has happened at Zuora Hall. So concerning this is very weird.

Haney 34:49
What is our I think that’s where we watched the birthing. So we’ve been hearing a lot about the Zoras just not being where they’re supposed to be pretty much this entire time.

Chris 35:00
I’m which makes sense if the water sucks. Yeah, they’re like alright, well, we’re not gonna go on this but here’s the thing. Spoiler I meet the Zuora in their domain, their domain Hall. The water seems okay, they’re doing fine.

Haney 35:12
I’m in the water’s fine.

Chris 35:13
There’s plenty of other places they can make a bag together now. They don’t need to do in front of this creep.

Haney 35:19
They’re trying to make egg with this man. Okay, I guess let him watch out. They make egg

Chris 35:25
fine. We turn away from Him. There’s a smaller aquarium, but not a big aquarium

Haney 35:30
and titles like hey, these fish seem pretty big. I bet they can eat a smaller fish and one bite. Which set Chris and I fucking off.

Chris 35:38
Did I have a fish in my pocket? I

Haney 35:39
did have one fish in your pocket every time so you fed the fish a fish and it did a little Mario like and grew up a little bit and we’re like okay, well this is our personality now. Yep. And we made a point to make sure to grab fishies at every chance and bring the back here

ah target got some milk in the tank. It’s not did drop drop some milk. That’s a huge fish. I bet that thing can eat a small fish in a single bite, too. Let’s feed it to Gretchen oh, let’s be new to Gretchen This isn’t me helping you. I literally have never tried this before. I just want to feed it to Gretchen open the bottle. Okay, yeah. The bars. Oh god feeding frenzy. Yeah,

Chris 36:27
yeah, yep. Oh,

Haney 36:29
okay. It appeared to have grown.

Unknown Speaker 36:31
I need more fish.

Haney 36:34
On the way back from the marine biologists. You have to swim from their floaty hut to shore you have to pass by that Zuora corpse. It’s got seagulls flying around in a circle. Always a good luck. And you decided to grab that puppy and push it on the shore. And it seems like he’s still kind of alive. Probably would have been a lot more alive if that fisherman and helped him in the first place.

Chris 36:57
I wonder how long he’s been flooding here, dude.

Haney 36:59
I mean, it seems like honestly, if the fisherman had helped it probably wouldn’t have come to when it came to.

Chris 37:06
What’s going on over here you think

Haney 37:09
appears to be a corpse in the water.

Chris 37:10
Is that all right?

Haney 37:11
Yeah. Are you doing this?

Chris 37:13
I think so. You okay, do

Haney 37:16
some? Actually. What do you do this voice? Somebody? Actually no, I lied. Oh, somebody. Please.

Unknown Speaker 37:29
Get me to shoot.

Haney 37:33
grab em. Grab that fish. I’m trying to die from fine trying to grab, grab and swim, grab and swim,

Chris 37:43
and I grab you.

Unknown Speaker 37:45
Oh,

Haney 37:46
please, go get me to Sure.

Unknown Speaker 37:51
Do you have the eggs?

Haney 37:53
So Chris manages to push this gentleman to shore who stands up at the beach walks out and oh, maybe six, seven steps and then collapses. Chris wanders on over to him. It’s like, Hey, who are you? And the guy’s like, oh, you ever heard of the great Zora band? The Indiegogo says I’m the guitarist me cow. And then he asks if you want to hear his life story in song form, essentially. So he stands up rapidly and starts wailing on his guitar calling you a baby, which you do like I do. And he proceeds to tell you a story about how Lulu the singer of the Indiegogo has got egg to go with some strange eggs and when she got egged with the strange eggs, she seems to have lost her voice and then not only that, but someone stole the strange eggs from her before she could bring strange eggs to the aquarium and egg them out there. So

Chris 38:53
how many just a minute pimp me how many eggs do Zara egg at a time?

Haney 38:59
We will find that out Willie we will find out goodness so not today. All right, but we will find that out day tune probably next time we’ll learn together. Just give me cow for us.

Chris 39:11
Oh he’s pretty cool. He’s tall, slender. Fishman. Fishman? Yeah, looks like a mermaid mermaid. Mermaid head feet.

Haney 39:20
He’s got some tats kind of got like a studded belt. accoutrement there spiky melt has a electric like Fishbone guitar very much to look like a rock star. Yeah, he’s

Chris 39:33
pretty cool. The Fishbone guitar. There’s a lot of skeleton fish that try and eat us. Yeah, in the water. This is like a giant version of that. Yeah, it’s not good. Which is concerning because that means they can grow to quite a bigger size than what I’ve been encountering. And that’s already a fucking problem.

Haney 39:48
It also means that he can kick their ass way better than you can and turn it into an instrument.

Chris 39:54
Yes, yeah. I want to turn the corpses of my enemies into instruments. Yeah, sounds sweet. Yeah, that’s really good.

Haney 40:00
Remember how at the end of Star Wars Return of the Jedi the fucking Ewoks rip off Darth Vader’s head in use as a fucking Bongo drum? I am Macau of the Zurich people guitarist in the Zuora band.

Unknown Speaker 40:12
I think this is it for me.

Haney 40:16
My final message.

Chris 40:18
Did I carry you to shore?

Haney 40:19
Will you listen to it?

Unknown Speaker 40:21
I won’t listen. Whoa

Haney 40:24
123

Chris 40:28
All right.

Haney 40:29
Oh baby, baby bear.

Unknown Speaker 40:31
Listen to me. The carnivals beginning soon with the woods they’re waiting to see.

Haney 40:37
But that girl or vocalist, she laid some strange eggs and she’s lost her voice you can hear what she says.

Chris 40:46
So the whole issue with the Zoras is she got knocked up too close to the carnival.

Haney 40:52
Oh, she lost her voice is the real problem

Chris 40:54
cuz she got knocked up. Sure, because she got strange eggs. white cheese. Oh, right there.

Haney 41:03
You’re drawing a lot of lines that I wouldn’t necessarily but yeah, all right. Whoa. in Green Bay now something isn’t happening.

Unknown Speaker 41:12
Is it now? Oh, babe.

Haney 41:14
Hey, listen to me. I don’t want to beg you Ruto pirates, they stole that girl’s eggs. I went to stop the Garuda pirates and power and bam. I get knocked down. And here I am, baby. If I die like this, even if I die, I won’t be in peace. That’s for sure. His song doesn’t. Wow. Somebody please rescue a rags before the pirates stick their toe. Oh, somebody somebody please heal my soul. Well, that’s That’s all. Thank you.

Chris 41:52
I bet it flows better in Japanese probably. And also it’s too bad. There’s no way to heal his

Haney 41:57
so he’s dead. You fucked. Sex and suck. Oh,

Chris 42:00
here’s a cave. Oh, there’s

Haney 42:02
little path over there. After he tells you the story, he is like that’s that’s it. That’s it for all Miko. If only there was someone who could heal my spirit. Chris says, Oh, interesting and walks away. So you kind of veer off to a cave that’s behind you. And you walk through it. It’s not really a cave. It’s more like a tunnel. And on the other side of it is two Zoras just kind of standing. And one of them’s like Ace Up. And the other one’s like, Hey, these are my pots. Zara game site. Those who recklessly break pots will be fined

Chris 42:39
Claude I read that first. Yeah. What’s up my dude?

Haney 42:42
Can you break all those jobs behind me one try. Among a surah there are some who can. If you do it, I’ll give you something good.

Unknown Speaker 42:49
All right.

Haney 42:52
But yeah, why don’t you be the Zora?

Chris 42:54
You’re an unusual sight to see in this neck of the water. You came to see this or a bend and you go goes, didn’t you? The memory region of the Indigo goes there in the Zara Hall up ahead. But the entrance is underwater, so if you aren’t a good diver, you probably won’t make it in. One of them says that the Zoras domain is you got to be able to swim through underwater to get to if only you could swim underwater. Yeah. Which led me to believe that hey, that pool water down there. That’s probably his or his domain. Yeah, so that’s cool. Make a note of that. Yeah.

Haney 43:27
So you’re like well, that’s fine. I’m going to just explore out here a little bit you pop your head in here and there.

Chris 43:35
When it so are yours? Do they reproduce asexually? I assume not now, so why are you being all weird that I’m saying she got eggs from somebody?

Haney 43:44
I’m not I’m being weird because I don’t know that she got an STD I’m not saying she got an STD You said she got knocked up and lost her voice that sounds like an STD

Chris 43:53
I don’t know what happens to sores when they’re getting around baby making.

Haney 43:59
There appears to be a fucking angry fish in a whirlpool out there too. You see that?

Chris 44:04
Yeah, yeah, I was looking at this wiggling rock.

Haney 44:08
Do you know what that is? No. You know about the likelike right? eats whatever you’re carrying. You’d better defeat it if you want your stuff back.

Chris 44:17
That’s awful All right, we got to there’s a lot lot going on. What’s going on?

Unknown Speaker 44:23
Oh god.

Haney 44:26
I don’t think that fish is particularly so to the you. Oh, and there’s a bird All right. That bird will steal all of your money just so you know. No, no. And you have to defeat it to go I can also can steal your sword. Love you love getting attacked by these

Chris 44:40
don’t have enough hearts your favorite fish in this area. Real assholes? Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 44:43
Wouldn’t you be at NASA?

Haney 44:45
You were in a skeleton fish. So you go back and you’re like alright, I’m going to heal me cow. Maybe he’ll bring me back to back to the storage domain. Except when you heal him you find out that no he is in fact actually dead and you are going to seal his Spirit in a mask and you can use that mask to transform into his name after the fact.

Chris 45:06
I, I 100% did not expect this. Like I expected to get a Zara mask. I didn’t think he was actually dead.

Haney 45:15
Oh yeah, he died. Yeah. So his like final kind of scene after you play the song of helium for him is Lulu and then several other sources with instruments kind of appear around him and seem to like lead him off into into the next world. So he seems at peace, except as soon as you pick up his mask, his ghost appears and started jamming on a guitar. And he’s like, don’t forget to bury my body and also carve my fucking story into the gravestone. Yeah. Thanks so much for listening to the first encounter podcast. If you want the journey to continue, please support us at patreon.com/first encounter. Find our socials and contact info at first encounter podcast.com Please stop by and say hey, our intro and outro music is by Alden Zach

Chris 46:04
I’ll get I’ll give it to you. Yeah, thank you.

Haney 46:06
The eggs. No, I don’t want them.

Unknown Speaker 46:09
Thanks, spunk on them.

Haney 46:13
I’m trying I’m trying