What can I say except you’re welcome? I checked out Romani Ranch so you wouldn’t have to. There’s not a whole lot going on, so we probably won’t be back here. 

❗First Encounter contains adult themes such as violence, sexual content, and adult language. Listener discretion is advised.

View Uncorrected AI Interpreted Episode Transcript
Haney 0:05
Hey listener first encounters an explicit podcast by grownups for grownups. content warnings can be found in the episode description. sha Allah head Shala I completely forgot about the Japanese version of the intro song. That’s dvz right there. And it came up on an Instagram real like last night, and it violently sent me back in time. And I just needed to get that out. And it’s been just basically repeating aggressively in my head for the last several hours.

Chris 0:39
So you watched it in Japanese originally, originally? Yeah.

Haney 0:43
Okay. Yep. I don’t know that I’ve actually seen much of DBZ in English just means mostly.

Chris 0:49
It’s actually one of the only dubs that I can watch. Everyone does like a phenomenal job.

Haney 0:54
I know the voices and I like they’re all like Vegeta is voice is so good. But yeah, I really like the English voice actors for that one, too. My favorite animator watching English always gets me like threats from people because people hate it in English, but I prefer it. Eva. Ah,

Chris 1:12
I don’t watch it in English.

Haney 1:13
I love Spencer’s voice that guy who plays Shinji in English. His voice is one of those ones that stuck with me pretty hard from watching stuff in English as a child. So like his voice and Ava and his voice as Akito 10 kallah and march and success in Jessica, which is one of my other favorite enemies has always been a soft spot. And I also met Tiffany grant a couple of years ago, the English voice actress for Oscar, and she’s hilarious in real life. She was telling a story about how one of the first voice acting role she got was for a hands i and her grandma was like, Oh my God, I want to like see your your thing. And she’s like, Oh,

Unknown Speaker 1:54
it’s not out yet. Grandma

Haney 1:55
just like put it off like forever and ever. It’s very fun. But Chris,

Chris 2:00
what are we gonna be asked to voice a hentai?

Haney 2:03
It’s not what first encounter is really? Yeah,

Chris 2:06
no, you got Yeah, perfect.

Unknown Speaker 2:08
That’s enough about the hentai Chris. That’s

Chris 2:10
a shout out our new podcast at DBZ coming to a theater near you. Oh, yeah, I already definitely soon.

Haney 2:17
Yeah, we’re just gonna have to make that happen. Yeah, perfect.

Chris 2:20
Now it’s no it’s baked in there.

Haney 2:22
Now. It’s now it’s cooked. Yeah, that sounds right. Yeah, keep an eye out for from A to DVC coming. Maybe

Chris 2:29
you’re trying to derail me though.

Haney 2:32
Yeah. Speaking of railing, I’d like to thank our new patrons. Hey. So we got two new patrons this month. Oh, yeah. So thank you so much. Deadeye. And thank you so much. silverburn. Welcome to First Encounter, what a treat this is for for everyone involved. And thank you so much for your continued support of the show.

Chris 2:51
Thank you so so much.

Haney 2:52
We also got to thank our expedition team members, Alex Ben, Brendan Calabria. Cody. Deadeye fumbling for Joan. And Josh,

Chris 3:02
thank you so much. Thanks,

Unknown Speaker 3:02
Chris. You want to give a big pissy shouty thank you to all of our producers.

Chris 3:07
Yeah, I’m just gonna unload on August. Denise. Thank you so much, August, Denise and Dr. J.

Haney 3:14
I like how you were okay with it until you read your mom’s name. Yeah, I don’t blame you. That’s fine. Patrons Go tell your your friends who have money to give their money to us. So we can also have money, so we can give back to you. Yeah, I want to I want to do more for first encounter, but I can’t do that until I can replace my job with your money.

Chris 3:37
Actually, though, that would free us up quite a bit.

Haney 3:38
Yeah, just saying. You know, powers in your hands. We should do one of those NPR drives just relentlessly like ask for donations like all day. I don’t really. I mean, yes. But like, you know, like when like the NPR does it. So like, it’s so annoying that you call into donate. So it stopped sooner. We should do that. But somehow just turn our Discord into that and also our Twitter and also just alienate and make all of our fans hate us as the more I talk to them, the more

Chris 4:07
we’re talking the more you’re alienating me.

Haney 4:09
Yeah, that’s fair. Um,

Chris 4:12
speaking of paying your friends to join, honey, yeah, I’ve gone ahead and promised something to our patron, folks. Have you? Yeah, I don’t know if you heard but probably not. Honestly, once we hit 50 patrons, we’re adding a new perk to the $10 tier that everyone’s gonna benefit from,

Haney 4:30
oh, what did we get?

Chris 4:30
So if you join the $10 tier, yeah, after we hit 50 That’s the expiration tier that’s expiration. Not only will you get your name thanked every episode and fancy first encounter trading cards, but you’re going to be able to give us a game to play and we will have to play it for two hours. We are required by law to play roughly at least two hours of any game you submit. And then that video recording will be released for all patrons.

Haney 4:58
Oh, well love it, share it. Love. Yeah. What a treat. Yeah. So get all your friends to go sign up, we’ll reach our 50 patron goal, Chris,

Unknown Speaker 5:05
how many patrons are we at right now?

Unknown Speaker 5:07
38? I think so not

Haney 5:08
that far away. And

Chris 5:09
we’re all the way all the way. I love it. Sounds great. But hey, hey, we got more to thank then just our patrons, don’t we?

Haney 5:16
Yeah, I would like to

Unknown Speaker 5:18
think so. What do we got to think this week?

Chris 5:20
Well, have you heard of the hot new startup as of a couple of years ago? Uncommon coffee?

Haney 5:26
Ah, you mean the coffee sensation that’s sweeping the nation. Good.

Chris 5:31
Nice. So last episode, you talked about, hey, it’s hot. You can cool it down. But you and me honey, we know that’s bullshit. It’s bullshit. And we know the only way to brew a good coffee is to heat up the water and dump it over your beans.

Haney 5:46
Yes. Pour it right on your beans as it’s boiling hot.

Chris 5:51
But if you don’t have beans, like honey, where can you get some honey, you can

Haney 5:55
go to uncommon vi t.com. And buy yourself some beans. Yeah, you can pour all the hot water you want on it, and it’ll turn into coffee. That’s how coffee works incredible.

Chris 6:04
It’s amazing. science can’t explain it. It’s magic.

Haney 6:09
Not only can you just go and buy beans, we can give you a little discount on your being holy. You can enter the promo code get good at checkout and get 10% off your order. There are some exclusions that apply however, 10% off your order is fucking great.

Unknown Speaker 6:22
Go get some beans, go bushel

Chris 6:24
yourself some beans. A group of a group of beans

Haney 6:30
that’s literally about to ask you a bushel is right. Okay, but coffee beans? Are they still counted the same way? Or do they have their own like thing? I think it’s collective. So we’ve talked about this on the show before I don’t know if you remember a collective nouns or something we’ve talked about in the show. Are we talking about everyone’s

Chris 6:46
favorite subject? A bike of bees? Yeah, remember that? Vaguely? Yeah, I try not to.

Haney 6:52
So Collective Nouns are very good. And listener. Are they very good? Good. If you out there can tell me the right collective noun. What are you promising the right collective noun for a group of coffee beans, and it gets approved by uncommon coffee. I Hani will buy you your next bag of coffee and send it to you. All right first. First. You have one in one and done though. So are you done first come first serve. Okay, so go ahead and shoot an email off to mail at first encounter podcast.com. When you know what the proper collective noun is for a blank of coffee beans. All right. And first correct response as approved by uncommon will get a free coffee from Henny. What? Hell yeah. All right. I’m coming. vt.com

Chris 7:39
Thank you so much.

Haney 7:41
That was probably one of the dumber ones we’ve done and I really liked it.

Chris 7:45
We got some real dumb.

Haney 7:47
It’s really good. We need to have like a brainstorming session to come up with some more fun ad reads you know, like improv. I liked a lot of the really dumb ones we would do early on when we put like five minutes of thought into it beforehand. And Lindsey like how can we be super annoying on Mike

Chris 8:02
five minutes of thought is outside our budget?

Haney 8:05
Ask you are we going to talk about some

Chris 8:08
Oh, baby, so he’s been begging me beg to get into Romani Ranch. I said all right, fine. I’ll just fucking knock it out. In one go. No problem. 100% speed run. So here we go.

Haney 8:25
Fucking kill me

Chris 8:37
I didn’t go back to the elder to because what he said was like, hey, after you’ve won the race, come back to me and tell me your decision about leading our people.

Haney 8:48
And he’s like, my son is so excited to see you. Yeah, so that’s cool. That was a pointless dead end that we never need to talk about again. That’s fine. What the

Chris 8:57
fuck? I’m supposed to be the chief. Alright, let’s see if the elder has anything left for me and then I’m ditching the sad sack of a town

Haney 9:05
Yeah, I gotta take a poopy while you

Chris 9:09
Oh, why don’t you hold that? Duke the Duke stir

Haney 9:14
Oh, hold the Duke Where the fuck are you going? It’s like you’ve never played this game before they you look like an absolute moron right now.

Chris 9:23
I’m the leader. You’re making us look stupid. This is my house. I can do whatever the fuck I want what

Haney 9:30
Christmas keep screaming This is the patriarchy

Unknown Speaker 9:35
come back to me with the decision.

Chris 9:38
I already won.

Haney 9:40
Oh, that’s enough of that

Chris 9:42
shit. All right. I guess you can take your poopy if you want. Yeah. Here we go. spread my wings. So right away. Touching back down on this lovely day South clocked I gotta go deposit love rupees in the south clocktower. I think South clock 10 Credit Union.

Haney 10:06
At that point, you’re like, Okay, did whatever the fuck I wanted to do and go on. Well, I don’t care. I’m going to say at the stockpot in and you tried

Unknown Speaker 10:17
I made an attempt to stay at

Haney 10:18
the stock pot and you thought that maybe you can impersonate the Goron that says that the stock pot in you can.

Chris 10:25
Which is weird, because on juice specifically, continuously forgets what you look like and will continue to greet you every time you come into the stock pot in Yeah, so I don’t feel like I wouldn’t even have to impersonate another Goron I just have to roll up and be like, Yeah,

Haney 10:41
this part strikes me it’s so funny because I worked in retail for so long, like people’s faces mean absolutely fucking nothing to me, right? People would tell me like, oh, yeah, sorry. I’m back and I’d be like, Yeah, okay, cool. I’ve literally forgot you the minute you walked away. I had no idea who you are.

Chris 10:57
And that’s a exactly what Andre is doing. Yeah, that’s okay. Because

Haney 11:01
Fuck it. You know what? You’re still going on? You still got rolls? You’re gonna go roll around the field? Hell yeah. You got to turn in the field. And you roll yourself around a whole bunch?

Chris 11:10
Is this where he knocked the tree? Hunker down?

Haney 11:12
It is where you knocked a dude out of a tree? Yeah, yeah. You accidentally rolled into a tree that happened to be the tree that we saw dude humping? A god ends ago ages ago? Yeah, maybe Episode Three months ago in real life. Yeah, months ago in Episode release time. So like it a long fucking time ago. Yeah. And he falls out of the trees like Hey, I still lose rupees like fuck you. What are you doing? And you’re like, I’m taking them you take 40 rupees from them.

Chris 11:43
Here we are heading. Back and clock down. Day one. I’ve already downtime. So I think your docket throw the dog in the water. There’s cafe. I wonder what his deal is too bad. We’ll never find out. I’ll never know. Honey. I’m home. No, it’s on Joe again. Dun dun dun dun dun data.

Unknown Speaker 12:01
Welcome to the stock pot in. Are you staying the night? Yeah. You aren’t staying the night? I’m terribly sorry. There are no vacancies today. We’ve been booked solid with reservations. It’s always this way before the carnival. I’m sorry. Have you done this without being a quorum before?

Chris 12:17
Yes, I have done it without being gone before. What happens? She just says it’s reserved Oh, hey,

Haney 12:27
tree humper you broke his knee.

Chris 12:29
What’s your fucking problem dude?

Haney 12:30
Hey, I sold that Ruby for micro don’t go stealing

Unknown Speaker 12:33
it man. Hey, what the fuck do you

Haney 12:37
know that that was a tree now. Sick cool. Another source of infinite income you found you can literally just reset time bank 40 rupees. Rinse and repeat.

Chris 12:49
Which is why you can’t argue at my skills in this game. Annie. That’s fair. I time after time. I just demonstrate

Unknown Speaker 12:56
after time. If you look and you’re lost, and you can’t find link

Haney 13:01
Well, that’s fine. Cool. Knock it out of the tree. Get his rupees. I’m gonna bumblefuck around for a little while. That’s what you said to me. You bumblefuck for a while? Yeah. A whole bunch he collects what I did rupees some bombs.

Chris 13:17
It’s very satisfying though. Because when you’re rolling around as a gore on you’re just crushing through everything blasting

Haney 13:23
any like crates any grass,

Chris 13:26
just absorbing rubies and hearts as you

Haney 13:29
it’s a really good way just like just building up the centrifugal force. Essentially, you can infinitely go because there’s enough like mana from the fuckin pots and stuff and that around, just like infinitely go around this forever breaking stuff.

Chris 13:42
Yeah, it’s a very satisfying feeling.

Haney 13:44
So you did that for a little while and then you’re like, alright, you know what? I’ve reset time is done the first day. I have Patrick eggs. I’m going to milk road. So milk me you started heading towards the swamp. I accidentally said something like Oh, the swamp a and you’re just like banked right and you’re like Okay, nope, not that way. Gold around the whole field before you found that the New Silk Road The entrance is right next to the swamp lesson. And you roll up to the dude in the bold and you’re like take a step back. Armani’s got this Yeah, open your menu and

Chris 14:19
frustrated powderkeg

Haney 14:21
seem to have reset time and your Powder Keg is gone. That’s fine. All right. No big deal. So we go back to clock down.

Chris 14:29
I want to do this anyway. stepaside

Haney 14:34
Someone was up just no good mischief and blocked road to Romania ranch. I’m sorry. I’ll remove it quickly so you can get into my delicious Hidden Valley Nice. All right. Wait for some bugs. I thought he gave me a powder Okay, back it turned back to God fucking dammit. I would my bombs

Unknown Speaker 14:56
so Chris

Haney 15:00
rolls up to the boulder blocking milk road. Evening of the first day, you spend some time talking to tingle for some tingles as times got a map. Yeah, that’s fine. He blew up in the boulder with the powder. keg works like a tree. The dudes like super Stokes kind of guy. He’s kind of logic about instead of like, dot dot, dot, dot, dot, dot dot, he’s like, Well, I guess at least it’s open now. Yeah,

Chris 15:25
like that’s fine. Cool. I

Haney 15:27
just saved you like three days of backbreaking labor. Yeah,

Chris 15:29
like what do you fix your problem?

Haney 15:30
Yeah, like fuck you. That’s fine. And you open that ranch up?

Chris 15:35
Yeah, cricket straight open. Yeah,

Haney 15:37
you open that ranch. You pour it all over your salad and you have yourself a nice little whip salad. Welcome to him belly toss my salad. Oh is admin costs. I’m doing it right now. No. Because again, he’s fire arrows untangle. Burn. Nick,

Chris 15:58
nailed it. landed.

Unknown Speaker 16:01
lucky lucky. Awesome. Lucky.

Haney 16:03
I’m not really I’m tired.

Chris 16:04
Whoosh Nish green clues? White very, sir. Could you by chance. Be a forest fairy? Who me? I tell you tingle is the very reincarnation of a fairy. Okay.

Haney 16:24
Do you forget how long because diatribe is you got a map of Romania ranch.

Chris 16:30
How much was this?

Haney 16:31
I don’t know. He bought it.

Chris 16:33
Step back. He does actually run away yeah,

Haney 16:36
he’s not stupid. Hey, as long as it’s open to traffic, it’s fine.

Chris 16:43
I like that his mouth is like the pit to hell.

Haney 16:45
Yeah. That’s what I call your mouth to. And your back mouth. Ah, you may have it. Hidden Valley Ranch. Yeah,

Chris 16:54
it’s empty

Haney 16:57
Romani Ranch. It is like 10pm

Unknown Speaker 17:01
You’re here you roll on over to the to the house. There’s a house and

Chris 17:08
what do my ELF I see I guess like is he’s not even a Kokiri Yeah, and what do my Hi Lynn eyes see? My e pony pony.

Haney 17:17
You found your bucking horse final? Yes. Only took you to the last 10 minutes of the game. Just kidding. That is

Chris 17:23
not true. There’s so much more

Haney 17:29
you found your new pony. She’s locked in a cage and you can’t get her out

Chris 17:33
a paddock I believe they’re called

Haney 17:35
a cage and you know it

Chris 17:37
tells me tweeted me what a horse lives in.

Haney 17:41
Horses live in paddocks II pony is in a fucking cage. Yeah,

Chris 17:46
I guess if there’s no entrance or exit then

Haney 17:48
and it’s roofed and all sides are bars? Yeah, yeah, his kids very cagey. II Look Look.

Unknown Speaker 17:59
Isn’t that your horse?

Chris 18:00
II pony? Oh,

Haney 18:03
oh. Just blink trucking into town as a Goron you would break that horse lane on it right?

Chris 18:11
Right as a Goron it’s like a Shrek on donkey. Oh no Shrek on donkeys also my fanfiction. Yeah.

Haney 18:21
I’m on you like Shrek and Donkey? Romani Ranch village of milk. 6am To 8pm You can’t close the village. The village of milk. You can close my milky village. So you’re like, What the fuck? Why did these people have my horse tried to break down that ranch door and it’s open from 6am to 8pm. Yeah, it is now like 8:10pm. So

Chris 18:43
there’s four areas I can explore. Yeah, hell yeah.

Haney 18:47
So the ranch is a no go. No good. So Chris is like Well, I’m gonna roll over here to this barn. Barns open. That’s

Chris 18:52
cool. Fucking tight.

Haney 18:54
There’s cows inside. And one no chicken one cuckoo. Yeah, yeah. Well, I Well, I think that’s how it’s pronounced. It’s cu CK. Oh, don’t do this is how it’s spelled. It shouldn’t be cuckoo. Ooh, well, cuckoo boy. Oh, wait

Chris 19:16
here. Open sesame.

Haney 19:18
Cows. Chickens. Hello. No

Chris 19:27
upset chicken

Haney 19:28
kin milk that cow.

Chris 19:30
I’m trying. Oh god. Cow. No, like. Well,

Haney 19:39
this is curious.

Unknown Speaker 19:40
Curiouser and curiouser.

Haney 19:43
So you leave there because fucking cows and shit. Alright, cool. That’s fine, whatever. And you’re like full Fuck this. There’s other shit on the other side of the ranch. Yeah. Got cuckoo house is a cuckoo house. It’s closed at 8pm

Chris 19:56
but that’s okay. Because we got

Haney 19:58
doggy house mom Mommy use Mommy you yawns fucking mama. Moo yawn. That’s it. Mama Moo yawns dog racing track. It close that APM huh? Sure. Seems like not much here until tomorrow morning. Oh, that’s all right. We’re gonna bail Chris like, oh, just come back in the morning. Go to the swamp. You’re like, I’m gonna go get some beans because there’s been some soft soil around that I want to plant my seed in. Yeah. You know how it is try to plant your seed by going back to the swamp and you realize that the octo rocks are back. And you’re like, and I think I’m all set. And he basically just left you like explored around a little bit and then you’re like, Yeah, fuck, I

Chris 20:36
don’t want to fucking go through the mysterious woods or Lost Woods or butthole woods again? Yeah, that’s fair. That’s fine. That’s fine. That’s all fine. Fine. Fucking fine.

Haney 20:47
But that’s fine. It wasted enough time that you can go back to the ranch now this morning. Cool. I can’t believe you’re here to buy muy bien. Do you remember it by BU?

Chris 20:59
Yeah, it’s in the garden of the Daegu Palace, which is the octo rocks back. I thought he clinched it.

Haney 21:09
Oh, no, the Octorok just comes back. But the the swamp is clear. Like if you look at the water, it’s not purple anymore. I can’t believe the Tory shop is open. Hey. Take it off as closed please inquire at the magic hag show. I

Chris 21:22
absolutely not. You can just bounce my way across. Yeah,

Haney 21:27
you can swim at this point because you’re the water’s not poisoned, so I can’t believe I lied to you. Di

Chris 21:34
Di Di Di got to figure out the deal with these fucking frogs.

Haney 21:40
Maybe sometimes just world building my man. Where the fuck am I doing stuff that? Oh god.

Chris 21:47
What? What’s your fucking problem? Hey, I’m Trevor. This is a platformer. Forming.

Haney 21:55
You’ve never platformed once. Oh, Dr. Rock.

Chris 21:59
Oh, no. The fuck.

Haney 22:02
It’s fine. I think you have to take old Kobe’s boat tour.

Chris 22:05
Know? What the fuck do I do this for Hani?

Haney 22:09
Are you gonna take the boat tour? What? No. What are you doing?

Chris 22:13
Going back to the Romani ass 6am.

Haney 22:18
Roll back on over to the ranch. And it’s open. You go into the Ranch House. It’s called mama’s house. It’s pretty good. No one’s there. What the fuck? Well, as I said to you, you can’t roll up to a ranch at 8am in the morning and just expect people to not have been you know, just to be lazing around the field either. You gotta be out working. There’s nobody working. That’s fine. So you’re like, Well, fuck this. I’m gonna go over. See that? What’s in that barn? Hey, there’s someone in the barn. You’re greeted by an adult woman named Camilla. And Camilla says that this is her ranch. She’s the ranch. Manager. She

Chris 22:57
doesn’t really tell me shit. That’s what my journal says. Yeah, that’s fair. I just made that up in the spy as I took her. She seems like a manager. Nobody else here must be hers. Middle management.

Don’t

Haney 23:10
What’s all this mama’s house a? Who’s here? This seems rude. Believe No one’s here.

Chris 23:19
So cute house. Yeah, I like it. Somebody set the fire.

Haney 23:23
I like how Lynx privileged ass thinks that he can roll up to a farm at the late hour of 8pm and think that people are just me lazing about inside?

Chris 23:33
Ah, hey.

Unknown Speaker 23:36
I’m sorry. I know. I’m thinking a little my little sister. She What shall we do her precious cows. If I thought it would come to this than what Romani said they should have

Haney 23:50
called me at the ranch owner was added to your notebook

Chris 23:53
me was your sister with those cows go? She ate the cows

Haney 23:58
during the sister ate the cows. Seems like sometime between when you left and when you came back. Something happened? Yeah, because the cows were there last night. Now they’re not. That’s not good.

Chris 24:08
I used to assume they were off doing cow things. Oh,

Haney 24:11
their cows. They live in barns. All the time. They never leave. Turns out that this is actually a big dairy operation and Romani Ranch is owned by hood.

Chris 24:22
So that’s interesting. And she was added to my journal. Yeah. Which is pretty fucking tight. Yeah, but you don’t have time for that share right now. No, I got more places to be. This is where I go to the cuckold farm. Yeah, so

Haney 24:35
you walk into the cuckoo farm and there’s a whole bunch of little baby chickens wandering around. We’ll cook us and there’s a guy there. He’s fucking cool. He’s got a mohawk seems Grog. Ah, cookies cuckoos. Oh, they’re adorable. Hey, guy. Feller. heard it from my gramps says the moon’s gonna fall was something that big. It’s sure to take this ranch down with it. it oh well. My only regret is that I won’t get to see these little guys in their prime is roosters the cuckoo loving grog was added to your notebook right? He just wants to see him grow up this guy’s very sad yeah also what his hair is sweet know

Chris 25:19
what raised that nipple cow

Haney 25:21
Oh yeah, he’s got some heart shaped nips yeah

Chris 25:24
it’s very good.

Haney 25:25
I wish I could eat you can sue when you turn that hey, wait, I don’t think this is the lyrics to heart shaped box after all, actually. Hey, nipple. What? What’s going on here?

Chris 25:40
There’s a lot of chickens running around. Well Chickies their cookies

Haney 25:44
and their baby cookies. They’re not cookies yet.

Chris 25:49
I mean, a baby people is still up people now. We’re weird room. Yeah. Weird house over there.

Haney 25:58
Never Never know. What’s going on there. Oh, god. What? Nothing. Whoa, doggy racetrack finally, you’re all up to Mamamoo yawns doggy racetrack about fucking time. Chris immediately got heavily invested in dog racing. Mahmud tells you that you can enter a dog race. Well, first of all, she’s

Chris 26:23
like, Why the fuck are you here? The weather sucks. Oh, yeah, cuz the dawn of days. He

Haney 26:26
says raining. Yeah, I love rain.

Chris 26:28
But also she’s standing out in the rain by herself. Yes, she wants from me. It’s open.

Haney 26:34
So I think she’s just surprised to see someone in this garbage. Whether

Chris 26:37
they’re well, she didn’t need to take that attitude. But here we are. That’s fine.

Haney 26:40
You decided to enter her little contest, right? Some dogs. Yeah.

Chris 26:46
She says go choose the best dog you can find.

Haney 26:48
Chris says I’m gonna walk in here and pick the winner. He picks the gold dog. You gotta on the rainy day, and is like, this is my my gold dog. He’s gonna run here. And he puts the dog to mama, mama Moo Yan. And he’s like, hey, I want you to have this dog. And she’s like, I want you to give me 10 rupees. Chris gives her 30 rupees. Yeah, it got to triple your winnings, and it’s like I’m gonna win this fucking thing. True was this mama you

Unknown Speaker 27:19
didn’t miss whether this is MAMAMOO Young’s Dhoni restruck

Chris 27:23
You’re the one fucking standing out in the middle of the rain over them enjoying

Unknown Speaker 27:27
the dog races? There’s nothing for you to do here. Do you want to try a dog? The minimum bid is 10 rupees. What? What are you trying? Yeah, I guess. Then first go in and fetch the doggy that you think will run the fastest and bring it here?

Chris 27:43
You know how professionals call them doggies? Yeah, full probably.

Haney 27:46
Actually. I’ve met a lot of dog people. Which one of these dogs Hey,

Chris 27:50
please. Doggy people? Yeah. Gold one obviously. Grab. Oh, yeah, look how he sits on my head. Yeah, that’s a good doggy. If

Haney 28:00
I sit on your face can I? Is that doggy? Fine.

Chris 28:05
It’s more than find the winner if the dog

Unknown Speaker 28:07
you brought me takes first place you get triple your bet. Second place gets double. If the dog you’ve chosen places that you fit your breakeven and get back however much you bet. Yeah, if your dog does any worse than not though, you’ll lose whatever you bet seems like a very

Chris 28:20
situation to be honest. I bet 30 Oh, God and you already? I can’t do a 30 rupees 30 rupees

Unknown Speaker 28:31
been right put it on red.

Chris 28:32
Yeah, that’s how it works. Put this dog on red put on gold.

Haney 28:38
Go doggy. Your doggy sucks.

Chris 28:40
No, he’s just biding his time. He’s saving his stamina for the big finish.

Haney 28:44
Do you like the chuck about race music here?

Chris 28:47
Yeah, it’s pretty good. Get up there dog. Is there more than one lap?

Haney 28:54
Now? Fuck. The dog race. Oh, like that pack of fine bread creatures.

Chris 29:01
Come on, don’t you? You’re making it. You’re doing it. 12345 Damn.

Haney 29:07
Seems like you might have lost all of your money. Is that okay?

Chris 29:10
Who designed this trash pile? How

Haney 29:12
dare you?

Unknown Speaker 29:15
That was a bad choice like you. If you don’t know how your pup is feeling you won’t be able to know how to do in competition. Get with it.

Chris 29:22
You won’t play again. Go fuck yourself. Oh, really?

Haney 29:26
Your dog came in like third to last. You lost all your

Chris 29:31
dogs got a warm up though. Yeah, that’s fine. He’s whisking away in the course. You get the stretches in there. puts another

Haney 29:37
bet down and it’s like listen, dogs gonna nail it this time? Yeah, is ready. Gonna use the same dog? Yeah, so it goes back in. Grabs the gold dog again is like Let’s go. Come on, puppy.

Unknown Speaker 29:50
What do you want? Do you want it? Yes. Yes. Good doggy. That’s your doggy. Oh God.

Chris 29:56
Have you seen this doggy? This is a fine dog. If I ever seen doggy

Haney 30:01
so Chris is now taking the same shit dog that lost in the race last time I tried it again

Chris 30:06
doggy 20 rupees. Take this doggy. So here’s the thing. Hey, now the dog knows the track. Yeah, go go go go no biding its time again I see.

Haney 30:21
Stop

Chris 30:23
Come on everyone loves an underdog

Haney 30:25
Stop

Chris 30:29
Get up they’re coming around the bend. Zoom in. Yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah Oh fuck 345 Shit

Haney 30:39
seems to have done worse.

Chris 30:40
No it did better. Oh excellent that was a bad choice if you don’t know your fuck your dog is bad. I blame the trainer.

Haney 30:50
You’re the trainer. No I’m not raise that dog from you.

Chris 30:54
I erased it from an egg. Yeah, there’s no more rupees. No,

Haney 30:58
you only got one free ride. You lost all this money to now your flat broke and she’s like, Huh, you really got to learn the dogs. How the dogs feeling before you can play again. And Chris is like, well, that’s enough of that. I have no fucking money last place

Chris 31:14
is a con. Yeah, it’s a hustle. At this point. You say finally make a prediction though. Oh, yeah. Because the way you said that I chose the gold dog on the rainy day. Makes me think that the day matters. For what dog you’re choosing.

Haney 31:30
I said no such thing you fucking liar.

Chris 31:32
I guess we’ll see.

Haney 31:35
Sometimes I just like to say wrong things to to see if you’ll follow the

Chris 31:39
wrong thing. You said I chose the gold dog on the rainy, which I did. I’m just looking into it. And we’ll see if that pays off. For me.

Haney 31:45
We’ll see. We’ll see if you remember, even I’m editing it. That means nothing with you.

Chris 31:49
The only objectives I ever have are because I’ve edited and listened to

Haney 31:54
Yeah, and so that’s how Final Fantasy seven works with me but without the editing part. So you decided to say fuck all this. I’m going back. I’m going to get in that stockpot in Yeah, you leave here. Head back, reset time and tried to fucking ton of combinations of how you could possibly get into the stock pot in. And finally you see two cutscenes midday on the first day. The postman comes in and you see his exchange with Andre you.

Unknown Speaker 32:27
Um, what is this? Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 32:30
I have delivered this to you. Wait, this letter? Where did you from the postbox. Okay, that’s not what I meant from the post box were from the postbox somewhere. That’s not what I mean.

Chris 32:47
Fucking postman’s not gonna

Haney 32:48
love it. Never.

Unknown Speaker 32:50
It’s a secret. I must know.

Unknown Speaker 32:54
But I’m currently on the job. If I stopped talking about disrupting the schedule.

Haney 32:59
After the postman leaves, you try to talk to Andreea again. And she’s like, Hey, fuck off. I don’t want any part of this. Yeah. And then she goes off to go make dinner to poison her mother.

Chris 33:09
I follow her though.

Haney 33:10
You followed her at this point. You captured two bugs from the kitchen. I think that’s where the two bucks came from. I have no idea yet. Remember, I got two bugs. And you’re like, Well, I don’t fucking know what’s happening. I’m just gonna wander around.

Chris 33:22
Well, no, I talked to you on June and she told me stuff that I haven’t gotten before. Oh, this is where I learned that the person was coming in the afternoon. Bugs. Doo doo doo. Oh, I have two bottles.

Haney 33:36
When do you get the other bottle? I don’t know. Now you can carry bugs and fish. Yeah.

Chris 33:41
Got a bug in a bottle. Sweet. And I can go sell my bugs to get my rupees. Oh, I don’t cook.

Haney 33:48
We used to be a cafeteria. But after my father died, the room rentals that were part of our service became our main focus. Or just a small end with only two rooms. But people from all over come here at this time of year. See the performers practicing outside the second floor bunk room. Guests are spirited at night with songs and dancing. The customer coming in this afternoon. We’ll be staying next door to them. So I hope it’ll be all right. This afternoon a All right, wild. See ladies coming in the afternoon. That’s cool. He comes in a few minutes later. You come up to the front desk and you see a car on walking in and you get to see a conversation between him and you. Anji tells him I’m so sorry. But everything’s booked up. Unless you have a reservation and he says I do have a reservation. My name is link. And you’re like, What the fuck? Here? Yes. Hey,

Chris 34:37
I’m doing business with clientele.

Haney 34:40
The city is so busy. It’s hard to find one’s way gorell Oh, he’s like a pokimane The city is so busy. It’s hard to find one was way Gordo.

Chris 34:48
I’m Dr. Mani.

Unknown Speaker 34:49
He doesn’t care. I’m terribly sorry. There are no vacancies. today. We’re booked solid reservations.

Haney 34:55
I should have a reservation gara the name is link. Don’t you have it girl

Unknown Speaker 34:59
Wait. Oh have this feeling oh, I do have your reservation. Wait a minute. Your room is our knife chamber on the second. Wait a minute.

Haney 35:05
This is your room key. I’m like,

Unknown Speaker 35:08
I’m terribly sorry. There are no vacancies today.

Chris 35:11
The knife room? Yeah. And his name is link. Yeah, he’s stealing my identity. Sneaking in other people’s rooms get it you here. That’s my room. Is it? Or is it his room?

Haney 35:21
This place is falling apart the floor looks like he could pull it up. Goro Oh, that’s

Chris 35:24
rude. Huh? P The P the P that Curiouser and curiouser.

Haney 35:31
Honestly, if I ever go to a hotel or an Airbnb, and someone’s like you’re staying in the knife room. I’m gonna be like, No, I’m saving the Motel Six down the road.

Chris 35:38
See, Elena? No. Here’s where being a silent protagonist really is not doing me any favors. Talk to me, because on you knows that Mr. Link is staying here. But I can’t fucking tell her. I have a reservation. Yeah, I have no option to check in. She’s just like, Are you staying here? And I’m like, Yes. And she’s like, No, you’re not get fucked. So

Haney 36:00
I wonder. I wonder what’s going on there. Um, so

Chris 36:04
I can’t I can’t give her my reservation name. And before Mr. Goro shows up, and I can’t give it to her after

Haney 36:10
Yeah. Who knows what’s going on there? And it’s crazy. Yeah, it’s probably

Chris 36:14
a glitch. And there’s nothing you can do. So we won’t be revisiting this. No, never. Don’t even ask us to make me I did steal more of Andrews wedding funds at some point. Also.

Haney 36:27
Yeah, you’ve waited till the dawn of the third day, because you’re gonna go back to the ranch. That’s probably where we are about now. Yeah. After you learn from this Gore on that He’s name is Lincoln. He’s staying there. You kind of follow him up to his room a little bit because you’re trying to like get him to talk. And he’s just like, This place sucks. It’s falling apart. I can hear through the walls. Like I bet this place is gonna be fucking awful. Yeah, all right, cool.

Chris 36:48
So here’s my thought, now what? I need to get him driven out. I need him to cancel his reservation, so I can get it.

Haney 36:55
Can’t believe you’re gonna get link canceled. So if

Chris 36:59
the troop is staying in the adjoining room, I wonder if I could just make them be super loud. Have

Haney 37:04
you seen that? Um, Vine? That was the woman like crashing like pots and pans together and she’s like, I don’t get no sleep because of y’all. Now you’re not gonna sleep because of me. That’s literally you. That’s what you want to do right now.

Chris 37:17
Kinda. So maybe I can play some tunes with them and drive them away. And then I can get the reservation? Maybe? Yeah, who knows? I mean, it’s all he deserves after he said such

Haney 37:29
fantasies and fears that getting into the stock pot in life.

Chris 37:33
Yeah, yeah. I’m trying to glitch into the room.

Unknown Speaker 37:37
Yeah. At this point. You kind

Haney 37:39
of just wandered for a little bit before we’re like, alright, well, let’s just let’s just call it there.

Chris 37:43
Well, no.

Haney 37:45
Fuck this. I’m leaving. Fuck this shit. I’m out. I’ll wait. Wait, what? Where are you flying?

Chris 37:53
Mountain Village?

Haney 37:54
Okay, what are you doing there?

Chris 37:56
I’m gonna see if I can find the Gorham look around. Don’t you check them to the stockpile. Okay? The dump Bump. Bump. Bump, bump. Bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump. Oh, also, I have the gold dust. Oh, yeah.

Unknown Speaker 38:10
Do you still play did you lose?

Chris 38:11
Oh, god dammit. So cold again.

Haney 38:15
What is happening?

Chris 38:17
Mother fucker. You said it wouldn’t revert.

Haney 38:21
Remember saying anything. It’s too cold, he says.

Chris 38:29
But why does the swamp revert but this one doesn’t have any what doesn’t make sense.

Haney 38:38
Justin must be melted on like the second day or something. On the second day we melted. What? I don’t know. I mean, no one that’s been crazy recent and diamond shit.

Chris 38:51
Alright, well, I don’t want to be here. That’s fair. So I know that everyone’s going to Romani Ranch on the third day. All right. So I was like granny, talk to me. Tell me some of your boring stories. And she tells us about the four giants was which is actually pretty interesting to have. You know, listen to that one. I think I have but I’m a little further in the game at this point. Yeah. Granny, granny told me story.

Unknown Speaker 39:17
TARDIS Did you finish helping father and mother read your story for giants. The four giants is it this is quite long, but it is a good story for you to hear. So I’ll read it with some extra Gousto hat. The four giants this tales from long ago and all the people weren’t separated into full worlds like they are now. In those times all the people live together and the foreign giants lived among them. On the day of the festival that celebrates the harvest the giant spoke to the people. We have chosen to guard the people while we steep 100 Steps North 100 Steps South 100 Steps East 100 steps a West If you have need colors and a loud voice by declaring something such as the blues It has trapped us, or the ocean is about to swallow us. Your cry shall carry us.

Haney 40:07
And you fell asleep you piece of shit. Huh? Are you awake? Ah, it’s 8am On the final day

Chris 40:15
she talks about the four like guardians there’s a north east, west and south and if people need help fucking show that they need help and

Haney 40:25
call me beat me if you want to reach me if you want to reach me it’s a gay whenever you need me baby calling.

Chris 40:32
So I pass out because that’s fucking boring. Who needs that? Yes, stupid. It’s still not late enough though. So go find the Scarecrow. Yeah, I dance with them. Yeah, and he wakes me up and he’s like, hey, it seems real dangerous outside bouncing

Haney 40:47
leaves just fucking scarecrow out. Oh

Chris 40:50
yeah, so that’s a good feeling.

Haney 40:52
Oh yeah. And then we talked about House Moving Castle for a little while. Yeah. Which is really good.

Chris 40:56
And then everyone’s gone. Break into Andrews room take her money fill our troops in fly my way to Romani Romani Ranch where it should at this point just be bustling.

Haney 41:09
You know. Chris gets there at 810 again and everything is closed.

Chris 41:14
This fridge sucks.

Haney 41:16
Yeah, no good. That’s why they call it the Hidden Valley or

Chris 41:23
something something Nardo joke

Haney 41:25
at something something that was a ranch dressing joke?

Chris 41:29
No by making it a

Haney 41:30
French village was a hidden kind of ha yeah didn’t leave. That’s it Hidden Leaf. Yeah,

Chris 41:36
this is the hidden ranch village. Ah,

Haney 41:37
excellent. Golf Club.

Chris 41:41
So here we are. What the fuck?

Haney 41:45
This ranch opens at six Ahem. What? It’s 830 it closes at eight. You knew that. Motherfucker. You’re the kind of asshole that just goes to like REI at like 1030 at night and screens open.

Chris 41:58
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

Unknown Speaker 42:00
So let’s let’s what are

Unknown Speaker 42:02
we doing stumbling mostly?

Haney 42:04
Excellent. Chris, what’s going on? What the How do you feel about today?

Unknown Speaker 42:10
I feel pretty good. You feel good? Feel good.

Chris 42:13
I do much better than you do. Clearly. Clearly. Yes, I would. I would say yes. I mean, like I said, I completed all my objectives. Yeah, you nailed them.

Haney 42:21
I got nothing for it. You did it. You did what you want it to do.

Chris 42:26
That’s all you can ask me for. This is my season. I’m having a great time. I don’t give a shit about what you want me to do. And here we are. Love it. And also I have objectives for next episode.

Haney 42:40
What are your objectives for next time?

Chris 42:42
It Well, it’s gonna be a real range of a time I’ve said this before. But mark my words

Haney 42:46
I thought today was gonna be a real rant from the time to be honest. But mark

Chris 42:49
my words tomorrow, or next episode is gonna be a really good time.

Haney 42:53
Tomorrow I’m quitting my job to come back in tomorrow to make you fucking get through this re actual I can’t wait till I’m reading it line by line from the guide book and you’re still not getting through.

Chris 43:03
So here’s what I know. All right, talk to me. Something happens day one of Romani Ranch, and the cows go missing. Could be aliens could be something else. We’re gonna find out and get to the bottom of that. Because detective link is back on the kid. Yeah. My favorite show? Sure. Also, you should watch a spy family if you haven’t watched that. It’s a assassin and a spy who fake marriage each other for their own objectives. And they don’t know that the other is a spy in an assassin. And also they have an adoptive daughter to help with their cover who is a psychic, but neither of them know that. It’s just delight. It’s a real delight.

Haney 43:46
What is it? Yeah.

Chris 43:49
Okay. It’s on Netflix. All right. Hulu, one of those.

Haney 43:54
Excellent. I’ll check it out. Yeah, it’s pretty fun. It sounds like Mr. And Mrs. Smith kind of Yeah. I actually really liked Mr. And Mrs. Smith.

Chris 44:03
Give it a give it a look. So yeah, right. But so aliens cows. They’re missing. Something’s happening all figured out. aliens from because cows steal their alien steal cows. They mutilate cows after stealing them. Ah. Hey, What’s your fucking problem? This is very, it’s clear.

Haney 44:22
I thought we were going to I thought we were going into Skinwalker Ranch. I was right. I was ready to like, I don’t know what that is. Oh, boy. You should look into Skinwalker Ranch.

Chris 44:31
So we’ll get to the bottom of the cows. Got to get my milk. You know,

Haney 44:37
the bottom of the cow.

Unknown Speaker 44:38
Yeah.

Haney 44:40
Not technically untrue.

Chris 44:41
Shut the fuck up. Why?

Haney 44:43
I just like interrupt. I

Chris 44:44
have other objectives. Cows aliens. No good. Step two. I gotta get to Romania. Well, basically, my plan is to spend all three days at Romani Ranch and see who comes who goes, what’s happened. And I want to check my journal entries for the folks who are there and hit them on those times. Maybe you can use the pic of the mask of pig to hunt down some clues. I don’t know. I don’t know the fact that the the deal with that mask is I’m trying to

Haney 45:17
remember I think it helps you find mushrooms or something.

Chris 45:19
I haven’t seen a single mushroom in this game.

Haney 45:22
Yeah, I don’t think I’m right. That’s definitely not this game. The foxes that nasty?

Chris 45:27
I don’t know. I don’t fucking know, dude,

Haney 45:30
it definitely tells you like if you go hover on the mask, it tells you what it does. It’s just

Chris 45:34
an ongoing motherfucker. So I’m gonna, I’m gonna do that. You have a real ranch time. Yeah. And I have to definitely be there on day three before nightfall because that’s when everyone is supposed to be showing up. Yeah, maybe it will check back in with the garden, see if it can party with the traveling troupe and kick him out of his room. But that’s not going to be a highlight. Don’t think

Haney 45:59
the way I picture you partying with people is a very specific vision in my head. Yeah, from the television show Angel, where David Borealis has a moment who plays angel, the titular character. Yes, he has a moment where he imagines himself dancing at a party. And it’s just like the wild is stupid as dance moves, where he’s like, Absolutely, like hammered. You just see it inside his head, like a vision and then like zooms back and he just goes now. That’s like very much what I see from like, in my head with you. That sounds about right. Yeah, he’s like now that’s fucking stupid. I’m not doing that.

Chris 46:36
Yeah, that’s what I got. I think I love it.

Haney 46:38
I’m excited to have a Hidden Valley Ranch time with you.

Chris 46:41
Alright, well, if there’s nothing else for you.

Haney 46:45
I got nothing at this point. You’ve done enough. I think our listeners would agree that you’ve done enough listeners. We’ll have any

Chris 46:55
listeners if you’re enjoying what I’m doing. Let me know because Henny is just slandering me all across the wall. That’s fine. I needed a little pick me up.

Haney 47:04
I love to love to see it.

Unknown Speaker 47:07
I think that that. Thanks so much for listening, and we’ll see you next time.

Haney 47:10
Bye. Thanks so much for listening to the first encounter podcast. If you want the journey to continue please support us at patreon.com/first encounter. Find our socials and contact info at first encounter podcast.com Please stop by and say hey, alright, intro and outro music is by Alden Zach

Chris 47:31
Oh, actually, you know I’m gonna do real quick end real quick. I want to see if cafe I’m gonna beat the fuck out of this kid. Who keeps giving me the jokes. The way the Dukes. Hey, we’ve been over this before. It’s like a Dodge. It’s like an invasion a Juke. Why because it sounds like it should be a slur. It’s not we’ve been over this. Yes. You didn’t like it then either. Oh, I

Haney 47:55
still don’t like it.

Chris 47:56
I now I feel

Haney 47:57
like I’m gonna like go home and look up to make sure that you’re not being offensive even inadvertently.

Unknown Speaker 48:02
Or you could try. Chris it says here that it’s a slam for me.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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