Spring has come to Goron Village, we earn the powder keg badge, win some races, and pursue some bumblefuckery.

❗First Encounter contains adult themes such as violence, sexual content, and adult language. Listener discretion is advised.

View Uncorrected AI Interpreted Episode Transcript
Haney 0:05
Hey listener first encounters an explicit podcast by grownups for grownups. content warnings can be found in the episode description. Chris, Annie, welcome to another thrilling episode of the first encounter podcast.

Chris 0:20

Haney 0:20
you know, Chris, what are we? Oh, this is a throwback episode. Yeah, well let me over my brisk iced tea. Oh, it’s not carbonated. it fizzes. Like PP

Chris 0:34
that I really close to the mic

Haney 0:39
new we’ll see what happens. Okay. Hey, how you doing on this fine day.

Chris 0:44
Don’t okay, it’s pretty good day.

Haney 0:45
Let’s Good day played some Majoris mask. Finally, it’s not incredibly terribly hot outside. It’s a it’s a good day all around pretty. Alright. What are we what are we doing today, Chris?

Chris 0:57
Well, we’re gonna serenade your ears with some sweet melodies of Majoris mask.

Haney 1:06
But before we do any of that nonsense I’m gonna talk about anymore. Oh, we have some people we should thank. Yeah. Chris, can I interest you in thanking our exhibition to your members?

Chris 1:17
Thank you so much, Josh. Joan, fumbling for in the almighty crit. Cody, Claudia. Brendan, Ben. And Alex. Yeah. Thank you so much. Yeah,

Haney 1:27
we also got to give a huge thank you to all of our producers like Dr. J. Denise, and is thank you all so much.

Chris 1:33
Thank you, Chris. We got to think just one more person, you know, had to thank me and intensity. It’s you thanking me quite an I understand. I get the message. I appreciate it. But that’s fine.

Unknown Speaker 1:45
Hey, Chris. Well, that’s over

Unknown Speaker 1:51
though. Can I just you and thanking uncommon VT with me.

Chris 1:55
I don’t know that I’m in the mood anymore.

Haney 1:57
That’s fine. You know what? Listening? I understand. It’s summer. It’s hot. Coffee might be the last thing on your mind. But did you know that you can drink it cold? I had no idea. No. Don’t do that. What you can do is you can go to uncommon vt.com do that go to their shop page? Yes. Pick out some delicious coffees that you think would taste good cold. All of them, which is everything they create is delicious. Even the even the shirts tastes wonderful. Yummy, yummy. Yes. Pick yourself out some nice snacks, coffees, maybe a shirt, maybe something else if it tickles your your fancy. Put in your cart. Put in the words. Good, good. All one word into that little discount slash promo slash bow

Chris 2:41
box. That’s actually both two words. And also not a word. Yeah, it’s all good. Yeah.

Haney 2:48
Hit apply. And watch your order be reduced by 10%. Fantastic deal. You’re gonna love it. And all those coffees, you can take them home. You can grind them, you can make yourself a nice pot of coffee.

Chris 3:02
Don’t have to grind them. You can just use the whole bean. And can you? I mean, it’s gonna be bad. Not ideal coffee.

Haney 3:10
Maybe grind it? Maybe don’t. I don’t care what you do. Don’t take that pot, stick it in the fridge for a little while and then just drink it directly from the cold pot when you come out. That’s how you make iced coffee. Right?

Chris 3:18
Don’t do that. I

Haney 3:19
drink hot coffee only. If I drink an iced coffee, someone else made it for me. And it’s also not a coffee. It’s like ice cream and a cop. Yeah. And it’s also typically from uncommon VT but just the store not online.

Chris 3:35
You can’t order frozen desserts from their website unfortunately yet yet. We’re working on.

Haney 3:43
We’ll work with uncommon to see what we can do. But as always, thank you so much for sponsoring this season of First Encounter uncommon coffee. Go to uncommon beauty.com For all your coffee needs. Now, Chris

Chris 4:09
What’s up you Zelda freaks. Welcome back to Marjorie’s.

Haney 4:16
speed runners now. Hey, see good speed running. Yeah, how you doing?

Chris 4:21
Basically just flying on cloud nine. Think that’s what the it’s called? Cloud seven, cloud seven cloud

Haney 4:29
seven seven cloud user just in the vehicle knockers on Calaca.

Chris 4:37
Back, dear listeners to another riveting episode of Chris knows exactly what he’s doing. Boy to see crush it. And you know what? It feels good to be back in the saddle. Thanks for having me. I’m glad to be here. You can direct your applause and aplomb and all your dollars to patreon.com/christopher encounter where I teach me how to play Majoris mask. Thoughts

Haney 5:07
fucking vomit on this microphone. Oh yeah, none of that happened today but yeah, we attempted to Chris you have a very distinct plan going into Today I had a big plan and I’m gonna lay it out lay it out before we dive into whatever this was. So as

Chris 5:27
far as I’m concerned, I accomplished everything I wanted to. If you remember how many at the end of the last episode saw us make me really yeah saving the day melting the snow and the ice in the frozen hearts of the Gorons everywhere. And now snow head Temple is Snow, snow snow no more temple

Haney 5:51
no head temple for the only thing Pierre Pienaar that’s fine.

Chris 6:02
So here’s was my objectives today hit me with them a the hearth is unfrozen from the sword store. So gonna check out what that’s all about.

Haney 6:13
It’s the the mountain smithy run by zebra and Gomorrah.

Chris 6:17
Yeah, my favorite nipply duo. Yep, we got the Gorun town. Yeah, hopefully the kids not crying anymore. We can see what’s going on with that. Maybe the elder made it home. Who’s to say I gotta get that fucking big ass bomb powderkeg to blow up the path to Romani Ranch. Yeah, there’s a Goran in town who I know wanted to sell me some. So we’re gonna stop in, chat him up a little bit.

Haney 6:41
Then you added you added one goal after logging in today to

Chris 6:46
Well, I have another one. Because there’s the wandering Goron who checks into the crock pot in Yeah, that’s

Haney 6:51
the one I was talking about. Yeah,

Chris 6:53
I’m gonna talk to him. See if I can steal his room. Or whatever the fuck he’s about. Yeah. Excellent. So here we are. Did you have anything to add to that?

Haney 7:03
Yeah, so considering we saved and left the game and snow ahead, obviously we would expect to wake up first thing in Corktown which we do. Here we are. Down on the first day. We’re in clocked down. I’m pretty sure we must have zoomed our way back to Clock Town to save. Excellent good

Chris 7:20
stuff. Some rupees under the mattress.

Haney 7:22
Chris’s takes a minute and is like hey, why am I in lockdown? I don’t want this fucking song. I’m sorry. In this way. A backup to no head temple. Yeah, back to the this the snowy village,

Chris 7:36
I think is what it’s called. Yeah, whatever. Yeah.

Haney 7:38
Um, I loved your goals. I was on board with all of them. I was like, Oh, excellent. We’re gonna have a real progression of time today. Now

Chris 7:46
before you go off the rails. I’m not going after elf before you take fall with what I did today.

Haney 7:52
I didn’t know why do you assume I’m taking fall? I’m just

Chris 7:55
to tell the listeners what percent of my goals I accomplished this gameplay.

Unknown Speaker 8:01
Ah 100%

Chris 8:04
Yeah, that’s right. So yes, yeah, I mean, there’s not much more to say I aced it honey from from the mouth of a babe. Honey. tells me that I just crushed it. Nailed it. 100% No problem. speedrun

Haney 8:20
thank you so much for listening to this episode of Preston Canada. If you’d like to join me to continue please don’t let it Yeah, you hit your goals for sure. So um, let’s talk about the snow Village. I would love to

Unknown Speaker 8:34
hear we go

Haney 8:35
watch if you like mid like afternoon like It’s like 3pm

Chris 8:39
Why am I in Clock Town? You

Haney 8:40
hold the secret sword. You have returned to the appointed spot. If you wish to interrupt your

Chris 8:46
spot sucks. Why am I here?

Haney 8:48
What do you have? Yeah, fire arrows. So that’s not bad fire. Yeah.

Chris 8:51
All right. Hey, we got a lot of stuff to accomplish this upset?

Haney 8:56
Yeah. What are we what are we thinking? What’s your strategy for today? A

Chris 8:59
I gotta talk to the the nipple folk.

Haney 9:03
All right. I hate that. I understand what you’re saying. Yeah.

Chris 9:07
After that

Haney 9:08
we got for you. You’re listening at home, Chris. Just song of Sauron himself over to the mountain village and he’s gonna get to talk to you for the talk there. Oh my god. Well, God dammit. How’s that? Just random. Berry? Berry? Oh, fish. Gretchen I can’t use my bottle in the water. Now you fucking moron. Yeah, it’s easier arms to slim. Can be holding bottles. You sound insane. Right?

Chris 9:39
I can’t get the frog either.

Haney 9:41
Why would you get the frog? It’s just a frog. So you roll into snow village again, and it’s everything’s all melty. Yeah, that’s cool. We like melty snow real wet

Chris 9:51
town. And there’s a couple things happening. Yeah, talk to me. Well, there were flower patches under the snow. So now we got wasps. Yeah. which is ideal, I guess. Sure. Yeah. I try briefly I think to get back to the grind the graveyard and quickly learn that the water is impossible.

Haney 10:14
You cannot without the without the ice chunks that used to be in it.

Chris 10:17
Yeah. So that’s a no go. That’s okay because I roll into the smithy.

Haney 10:22
Yeah. So you roll up that smithy and Spring has sprung and the Bora gives you his best. Ah

Chris 10:33
All right, so I’m gonna talk to the nipple voice All right, I gotta check back in with the Goron temple or villager whatever. That is the capital.

Haney 10:43
Why are you trying to hit the bee? pollinating

Chris 10:47
he hurt me? Yeah, and he won’t get in my bottle.

Haney 10:50
Then that an SOS to the world

Oh, customer Hey, good. Brah fetch our customers some coffee quick like oh, you get coffee. Now then let me take a look at your sword.

Chris 11:08
Let me take a look at your nipples.

Haney 11:11
All right to report your sword and cost 100 rupees and it’ll be ready at sunrise. You’ll have to let us hold on to your sword until then, you can hold whatever you want with those nipples. Keep in mind that after yeas reforged sword 100 times it will lose its edge and we’ll be back to its original sharpness. So what would you like your sword would say? Would you like your sword? Okay, well fuck me. I don’t have the money. Oh, really? Then I really can’t be helped drop by again sometime. Kabara forget about that coffee. What the fuck? This is a secret but I’ll let you in on it. If you can bring me some gold dust. I can afford you the strongest of swords. It’ll never lose its edge. It’s the strongest the strongest.

Chris 11:47
Alright, we got a new a new to do now. Gold Dust gold dust. Unfortunately, I didn’t have money at this point. So I couldn’t upgrade my sword. And also I didn’t get any coffee

Haney 11:59
now. So you told him that you had no money and he says that’s a shame. This is a Bora Bora. I don’t remember which one is which? Cancel flip Coffee order. What the hell?

Chris 12:10
No good. Probably three out of 10 Yelp. Yeah, yeah, that’s how Yelp scores work. Right.

Haney 12:16
I have five Yelp. Yelp is not a good company. We don’t need to talk about bad service overall. Yeah, they they do really sketchy things. I’m talking about the sort of store Yeah, that’s fine. They they’re, they’re better than Yelp. We tear out of there. So you discover a new area. A cave entrance in this snow village which is no longer snowy. Also ship village there’s one house and it’s just a smithy and they’re not there’s it’s not a village at all. Yeah, there’s no community here. No, that’s okay. Because you found a little cool girl on slide.

Chris 12:52
Yeah, I mean, cool is a strong way to put it. It’s basically a path with a bunch of ramps that is filled with monsters that try and eat you that leads back up to the Goron graveyard.

Haney 13:02
Yeah, so you can get back up there after all, just not the way you wanted to for some reason. Yeah, but you did manage to find a little sidetrack within the cave. Oh, holy. Oh, you found a hole. Yeah, you jumped in. squeezed my bulk into that hole. And I’ll trust you. Yeah, you got some rupees. And you also importantly though, you also got a fish? Hell yeah. We named it Gretchen. Ah, read drew pot. Nice. Nice. Big money big money wrestler, wrestler. Big money hustler?

Chris 13:33
Yeah. hustler the hot new Zelda mag. There’s also a bug here. Which you know, I need Oh, there’s a fish. Do I want a fish or a bug? Ah,

Haney 13:44
so you either get Gretchen the bug or Gretchen the fish? It’s good to fish. Fish and the fish returning.

Chris 13:52
It’s so fresh.

Haney 13:54
Your fish fish owner? Yeah. Have you ever had a fish named Gretchen

Chris 13:58
now? I’ve only named one of my fish. And it’s called sucky.

Haney 14:03
Is it one of those ones that like clings on to the Yeah, yeah, I like those a lot. Yes. How is sucky, mister. Okay, he’s

Chris 14:13
kind of an asshole. Actually. Really just ever. It’s been in the title like smack everyone else out of the way.

Haney 14:17
That’s what dick? How many how many fish you got?

Chris 14:21
I have a nine fish and about 100 snails.

Haney 14:26
Are the snails ever gonna stop?

Chris 14:28
I hope so. I hope so. But speaking of sucky snail

Haney 14:34
mail and snail problems like more problems, right? Yeah, okay. Um, so um, so you got Gretchen, and you’re like, cool. I’m gonna keep rolling up this hill. up this ramp, and you get to the garden graveyard. You go into the garden graveyard looks exactly this looks the same. Except there’s no water you moved Armani’s grave Get a whole bunch of spring water flowing in their hot spring water hot spring water. Do you mean and you’re really scratching into the boiling steam water? And we’re steaming we’re steaming Gretchen making some steamed fish.

Chris 15:14
Yeah, I mean people steam themselves to the fucking sauna sauna. Yeah, that’s, that’s all I’m doing.

Haney 15:20
Gretchen’s super relaxed and delicious. Yeah. grab, grab, grab it. Grab.

Chris 15:30
I don’t grabbed. Ah.

Haney 15:33
Loved Me with your stink. watered head.

Chris 15:38
Your pro gamer boys stink water.

Haney 15:41
Oh, you’re gonna put aggression in here. Yeah. Nice. Fish. Like hot water. Is that a?

Chris 15:47
It’s a tropical fish. All right. Well,

Haney 15:49
it looks really hot. It’s steaming. I think you’re making big fish by Gretchen.

Chris 15:56
Okay, boiled fish. It’s

Haney 15:58
called now. I said what I said. You got some hot spring water. What are you gonna use it on? I don’t know yet. Everything’s behind.

Chris 16:06
Yeah. I mean, there must be some reason that’s in there.

Haney 16:12
So we dropped off at the pool. Yeah. And just roll the fuck out of the Goron

Chris 16:18
okay, there’s a reason I had to pick drop Gretchen off. Oh, yeah. There was bugs here. Well, no, I need to get hot spring water.

Haney 16:25
What for you.

Chris 16:27
If I could make the spring water come back. I might need it for summer. Yeah. You

Haney 16:31
roll back up to the mountain Smitty. You throw your sword down on the table and a whole bunch of rupees and you’re like, make it good. Or, and the guy’s like, yeah, okay, I’ll do that. But be ready in the morning. So like still didn’t get fucking coffee. You go to hell. Yeah. What

Chris 16:46
the hell? Where’s my goddamn coffee?

Haney 16:48
You need to capture it in a bottle. Dammit. hotspring coffee.

Chris 16:53
So yeah, you dropped my sword off.

Haney 16:55
You’ve dropped your sword off so you don’t have a sword for the next short distance. But that’s all right.

Chris 17:00
All right, give me my sword. I’m back for my sharp sword. Give me your sword polish my sword. Also, more importantly, my coffee. Wait, he won’t make me a sword if I’m a gore on.

Haney 17:13
What do you say? How did you aggressively button mashing?

Chris 17:18
fetch my coffee.

Haney 17:19
We’re not doing voices today because Chris says I go too fast.

Chris 17:23
He said that. I’ll just do it again.

Haney 17:26
No, no, it’s fine. No, no, no, no. Come back tomorrow morning.

Chris 17:34
Oh, I don’t have my sword.

Haney 17:35
Yeah, what are you doing down here? This is dangerous cut down at night that works to

Chris 17:40
get sniped. Can I interest you in some? Wesley Snipes?

Haney 17:49
I like that way more than I should have this. What’s the steps in prison still?

Chris 17:54
I don’t know anything. Why was he in prison? Tax evasion. Yeah, I mean, I get it. Yeah.

Haney 18:03
So after that, we roll back down and head over to the Goron Village. This is also do frosted now. Yeah, that seems like there’s less people out than there was before though to be honest.

Chris 18:13
I did look at Perimeter sweep of the area. Yeah, nothing

Haney 18:15
really. Your hotspring water cooler. Now. It’s just a plain old spring water.

Chris 18:21
Stupid fucking lukewarm spring water.

Haney 18:24
Where are you going?

Chris 18:26
The garden house. Garden village Goren house. Oh, you’re right. Yeah, that would have been not ideal. So on the road to Goran town, all of the ice has melted into a lake. Don’t want to be touching that as Goren now oh, there’s Skull. Skull fish in the water. Was that okay for you know that you’re on who wanted to eat something disappeared or he died?

Haney 18:55
You didn’t get him his food. So you go to the meeting hall and you kind of wander around. Ah, hello, welcome.

Chris 19:05
Here. We are. No crying today, boys. Once again. Let’s see if shooting these wood torches does anything.

Haney 19:13
Ah pom pom pom pom pom pom? No. Decidedly now

Chris 19:22
already know this is a good use of my arrows.

Haney 19:25
I mean, it’s fine. You found arrows everywhere.

Chris 19:29
Can I help you? But you’re making noises Hanny? No, I’m not. Yes, you are. I can hear you laughing

Haney 19:36
I’m laughing

Chris 19:37
Yes. You’re laughing at me. Not with me. Yeah, that’s

Haney 19:41
because you’re not laughing.

Chris 19:43
I’m taking this seriously.

Haney 19:44
So I’m sweating. Good. I wish I had worn shorts. Chris also decided that the 80 degree day was the best day to turn the heat on.

Chris 19:53
I was wet and cold. You can turn off if you want. Yes, please be about it.

Haney 20:01
Finally you find everyone congregated around the village elder who we had rescued from nice a nice ball. Last time you talked to everyone around the elder first as dark money and everyone’s like fuck yeah turn money. Yeah. Then you decide to talk them as Link and everyone’s like, hey, spring we love Spring finger guns you should spring with us spring bro Have you ever been seen spring as Germani though everyone’s like the elders been waiting so impatiently for you which is hilarious because he’s literally right next to them like he could have just been like hey there money the gore I know there has been waiting for you. What if I talk to you? Spring has finally come to Grove village bombs the Goron special product are now cheap so you should go buy some

Chris 20:49
I don’t know if it’s spring if you just melt the entire spring is finally come to Goron

Haney 20:53
village it’s just starting to get comfortably warm it’s nice out spring has finally come to Grove village please go see the Goron races held in honor of spring races Do you Do you know much about the moon Fly Me To The Moon it’s just that lately I think the moon has been getting bigger I couldn’t help but notice it what do you think nothing nothing happened no no worries here nothing to worry about nothing to think about here it’s all fine All right, elder talk to me. Oh welcome to spring and Goron Village at simony sounds Oh

Unknown Speaker 21:25
welcome to spring and Gorham village. You’re just in time we’re all in the gone races in celebration of spring so go see them

Unknown Speaker 21:38
Oh, what about now? Oh

Haney 21:44
finally you talk to the elder.

Chris 21:46
He’s like hey, I’m getting old need a successor someone who’s young strong hip with the lingo knows the left from their right. It can only be huge Armani and everyone

Haney 21:57
fucking goes nuts for you. cheering you on. Everyone isn’t supportive you being it? Chris is like Hell yeah, I want to be patriarchal let’s go let’s do this. I would love that and tries to say yes immediately and the village elders like hold the fucking phone don’t make any rash decisions. Go watch a gore on race with Chris is like what the fuck is that? And then come back and tell me about it after my son’s waiting for you at the ground races go show them how it’s done. Fucking

Chris 22:26
great. Cool. Love to see your son again.

Unknown Speaker 22:31
Oh, darn money. I’ve been waiting impatiently for you. That you the one who might was thought to be dead had sealed off the Blizzard that was blowing in from snow head. Oh, thinks you spring has come to go on village. Everyone has come it’s not spring. Everyone is pleased. Credit score on hero of all bets. Time money,

Unknown Speaker 22:56
dharma. Your money The Immortal God who is not dead even if he has died? That’s wrong. Dharma. Everybody the star whom we wish upon? That’s our money. Greatest of

Unknown Speaker 23:16

Unknown Speaker 23:21
domani is the greatest in the world.

Haney 23:25
keep yelling. Now he got to keep yelling.

Unknown Speaker 23:31
My son got better immediately he went to see the go on races that celebrate spring.

Chris 23:36
By God better you mean stop crying?

Unknown Speaker 23:39
You got better. This time I the protector of this tribe for so many years. Choose to yield the seed of a tribal patriarch to a younger one. I feel like me born who makes calm decisions yet both courageous determination and can take care of all shall be the patriarch that could be me chosen one time money is you

Chris 24:00
there can be no. Well, you’ve made the right decision.

Unknown Speaker 24:03
What do you think if it’s you everyone would happily accept you as the patriarch? Yes, I will take this what you need not answer so quickly go into the Gohan race thinking over slowly. I am a waiting to

Chris 24:16
take it over. I’m the go. I’m the leader and you’re all answered to me

Haney 24:28
at this point, Chris is like hey, I’m gonna go plug in zero race or some shit. Yeah.

Chris 24:32
And you know what? i The race was cool. Also the out of the gate. You don’t want to really improve it fucking adds all over these Gorons just plaster room. Yeah. Yeah, I

Haney 24:45
feel around with first encounter racing stripes. Yes, yes. At least. Yes. That aside, you roll out of town and you’re like, Well, I want to go see the fucking powderkeg guy. I don’t know where the grind racetrack is. I have no money. I’m going back to Corktown Alright, so what are we got?

Chris 25:02
A Gore on race? I could get

Haney 25:07
Chris’s blast himself off the edge. I’m off the edge

Unknown Speaker 25:12
of glory can i

Chris 25:15
What’s this? What’s it say? I don’t know. God Armani can’t read.

Haney 25:22
Grind powderkeg shop new customers will be tested on proper usage. The shopkeeper?

Chris 25:27
I will come back here once I have money again.

Haney 25:30
Sorry, but we only do swords and cutlery. Okay, you’re back at the smithy now. Yeah, I kept you waiting, but it’s done. See? Oh, sick. You’re curious. Sorry. It has been strengthened and forged into a razor sword.

Chris 25:45
That was rad as hell yeah, that’s

Haney 25:48
second name. Now keep in mind that after you’ve used this 100 times the blade will lose its edge and will return to its original sharpness edge. Here’s the secret if you bring me gold dust before the sword, this is this edge. I’ll be able to make the strongest sword around here that gold dust. Were we going back to Clock Town before?

Chris 26:08
Then take some money out.

Haney 26:10
Your banker is gonna be very displeased with you. I don’t give a shit about my personal financial advisor and Clocktower is going to be very upset with you.

Chris 26:17
You’re my personal advisor. Coincidentally, I am

Haney 26:24
trust me you do not want me to be your financial adviser. I spend all my money on pornography. Why? I like pornography. A lot for me. I like supporting indie creators. You always told me how important you think that is. That’s true. Yeah, just happens with the indie creators I support or pornographers roll back the clock down. You get your money’s you got out 200 rupees, you’re like, Alright, cool. I’m gonna roll up to Goron village and try to find that powder keg shop. Let’s see what that’s about. You roll over there.

Chris 26:55
He says roll over a lot. That’s not a phrase. In this case. I’m literally going my door on

Haney 27:03
the door on roll. Yeah. Now. From here on. If I say rolling, it means a quite literally rolling. Do the Goron roll. saying your arms from side to side. Come on. It’s time to go do the guard roll?

Chris 27:19
Yeah, from the powderkeg. Shop. Yeah. Big problem with this. This Goron store. Yeah, they only sell pancakes to Gorons. A and B. Gordon’s can’t get into the shop. Yeah, the entrance is too high for Gordon’s to climb up.

Haney 27:34
Yeah. So you have to be link, you can use his hope. And then you can transform into Goron it’s fine, interesting

Chris 27:40
design. So make my way down the tunnel. And there’s a titan Goron just this massive, hulking beast of a folk who’s like, Hey, dude, you got your powder kegs. But you got to earn it first. You got to show that you can be safe with it.

Haney 27:58
You got to be licensed. Yeah. Which, honestly, more games need a certification process so that you can make sure that you’re OSHA compliant.

Chris 28:06
Yeah, no, I am in agreement for sure. There, especially seeing how I handled these very large deadly explosive. Yeah,

Haney 28:15
it’s a miracle. No one was more injured than they were.

Chris 28:20
I gotta find the races. I got to make the big games.

Haney 28:24
So you want to be a hero kid? Well, whoop dee doo. I’ve been around the block before with blockheads. Just like you don’t need to be rude about it pain for saying no. So much for excuses. Ain’t no kid a zoo says jump into the

Chris 28:42
pain can’t get enough. Why did why did they make a entrance? aurons cannot use I don’t know that. All of that seems entirely like a Oh,

Unknown Speaker 28:55

Haney 28:56
there’s a big boy.

Chris 28:58
The girl who sells the powder keg, the most famous product of the Gorons want a powder keg powder kegs explode with powerful blasts and are very dangerous until they’ve captured you to see if you can use them properly. I couldn’t get to use any of your own. Will you give it a try? So here’s

Haney 29:18
the test. Here’s the test.

Chris 29:20
You get a free bomb and go blow up this rock in time.

Haney 29:24
You don’t know where the rock is. But you do know that it’s the entrance to the grind race. So clearly this is here as a step to get you to the next storyline. Yeah,

Chris 29:33
I kind of stumbled into the order in the correct way.

Haney 29:35
Which is nice. That’s, that’s always good.

Chris 29:38
It’s called a pro game remove.

Haney 29:39
Yeah, also this Titan Goron that you’re talking about? Yeah, his name is Mehdi. Goron. Don’t give that as a medium. No,

Chris 29:46
he’s Titan. Goron now,

Haney 29:48
there’s bigger Gorons and many Goron you’re gonna learn actually, you’ve already seen the bigger Gore on the Goron is the one who was breathing that Jon Snow had temple. Yeah, yeah. Um, so You got your first powder keg? We’re not glossing over this.

Chris 30:04
Oh, okay.

Haney 30:06
Oh, can you interesting?

Chris 30:08
Do you even lift? Oh my fucking God. Well this is gonna be an issue.

Haney 30:13
Is there a problem? Chris, can you describe for the listeners what the problem seems to be? This is an audio only medium I’ll have you know, just a minute on what is gonna fly? What is the problem here?

Chris 30:25
I already fucked it up I know it’s going to explode. So I come into this tunnel. Uh huh. There’s these ramps that you have to go up and go down to get in and out. Yeah, and you can’t go up the ramps if you’re holding the powderkeg Yeah, so you have to throw the powderkeg up the ramps and then follow it back up yourself. Alright, we’re doing okay. Except now you can’t be fast. Except I can’t be fast or

Haney 30:51
where to go. They’re just glitch out of existence.

Chris 30:55
You can’t walk up the ramps out of the shop with the powderkeg fucking Don’t be a moron. You have to take this very explosive bomb that’s lit. Lit. And you have to throw it up the ramp. Yeah. And then roll yourself back up over it. And you pick it up, and you throw it up over the next.

Haney 31:13
I think Chris almost immediately just walked away from the

Chris 31:18
I realized pretty quickly that I was not going to make it. Yeah, the first time. So I feel like that was a strategic retreat. I’m not sure I would count that as an attempt.

Haney 31:27
Okay. Still counting it, but I would agree with you. It was a strategic retreat. But it’s still lost and Ellis still now. Take the Eldred but then you’re like, Okay, well, now I understand this. No problem. Yeah. Second time, aced it, pick it up, throw it, get it out of the out of the shop shop and throw it out the open door, and it disappears, is gone.

Chris 31:53
I don’t feel like that it didn’t explode. So I’m not sure I would count that as a loss if you still lost the bomb. And when you’re

Haney 31:59
out of existence, it definitely glitched out of existence. But when you went back, he was like, Oh, you fucking didn’t make it happen, huh? Let’s try again. This time, third time,

Chris 32:09
or if you’re counting potentially first time. Sure.

Haney 32:13
Third time, you may get all the way out to the garden village before you realize you have no idea where you’re where you’re going from here. You’re like, well, I saw a big boulder and it was over here somewhere. And here’s wandering around Goron village, which was also not where you saw the big boulder earlier. I knew exactly what you’re talking about. Because I’m what’s the bowl that you saw. Yeah, but it was in a different area of town completely. Not even in town a different area of the map completely. Yeah.

So you just wander around, and eventually you’re just like fog in you just left the keg to explode.

Chris 32:42
So if these goblins look out their window they’re just seeing Darmody running around with this fucking

Haney 32:47
I’ll say your dirty money. Why do you have to have a license? Come on? No, there’s a lot of plot holes about celebrity status. Where Yeah, you get to jump the line. That you’d love to video games?

Chris 32:59
I do. It doesn’t excuse them for making an entrance that the Goron you are can’t use

Haney 33:06
the Goron you are hates the garland. You’re meant to be?

Chris 33:09
Um, the garden. We deserve not the Goron we need.

Haney 33:14
If it makes you feel better. I am keeping track of your failures.

Chris 33:17
Oh, yeah, that does. I feel like a failure is exploding.

Haney 33:22
No. You fail this test twice. And he told you as such. What do you want from me?

Chris 33:27
I didn’t read that. All right. Where’s this frickin? I think I saw big boulder this way.

Haney 33:34
All right. Only 19 But my mind just bowled.

Chris 33:38
I really don’t love that. I can’t drop this. Why would you so I can throw it ahead of me.

Haney 33:44
No, you gotta be fast, Chris. All right. Can’t

Chris 33:46
go up here. Oh, I can go up here. Ah,

Haney 33:49
now we’re Cooking. Cooking with powderkeg s? Where are you? Good.

Chris 33:53
powderkeg is what I call is excellent. Where is that boulder. Anyway, so this is Gore on town. Yeah. On your left, you can see rocks house. On your right, you can see flooding rock,

Haney 34:09
and powderkeg that’s about to explode. Fourth, or second, or second. Fourth time you manage to do remember that it’s not actually in the village proper, but it’s in the path that leads to the to the village. So you run out onto the path that leads to the village, the powderkeg. You can also call it the path that leads out of the village. Yeah, you could. You could, Chris good. And you’re like, Ah, excellent. I see a boulder all the way up there. Man that’s far away. And I fucked around for quite a while. Make it about halfway on the path towards that boulder. And it blows

Chris 34:45
nananana All right. Well, I feel like they have enough time to ace this.

Haney 34:51
Yeah, yeah, I think you’re you’re getting it. You’re already you’re already further than I thought you were gonna get. Yeah, yeah. Fourth time’s the charm though. with your with your clock here. That’s what they say. You’re already forgot how to

Chris 35:08
Kenny, you. You’re gonna eat your words in about 20 minutes.

Haney 35:14
I was wrong for a time was not the time friends.

Chris 35:17
Yeah, it was. You don’t know yet cute

Haney 35:24
precision gaming is not your forte is it

Chris 35:26
one of these times? No, you and me are going to race through this fucking game and we’ll see who the real Zelda champion is. Yeah,

Haney 35:34
I think we should pick up. I say looking at my switch, which I literally had to turn off when you came in the room because I’m so far ahead of you.

Chris 35:43
You’re also following a guide? How are you know, I don’t need a guide. I thought you were learning to speedrun strats.

Haney 35:48
I mean, I’m not like reading other people’s strats I’m just reading this like a Brady game strategy guide,

Chris 35:54
where the fuck is this racetrack?

Haney 35:57
I feel like somehow it’s looking kind of lows. Somehow, even though you knew where to go, this time you did worse.

Chris 36:05
I got farther.

Haney 36:07
You didn’t get further right? Ball. So fifth try

Chris 36:12
or third or third, which they say is the charm.

Haney 36:16
They might you get back to the powder keg. Sure, round five, or three, depending on if you’re me or Chris. And you get it out of the village. Awesome. You get it all the way across the path cool. And then you just fucking run right by the path that leads up to the boulder that you need to blow up and out of the village and just basically like so far gone on the way back in you get attacked by a spider. And it costs you enough time that you can’t make it all the way up to the top of the powder keg. But you’re almost there. You make it like to two thirds of the way up there. So you go back here like right sixth time or Fourth time’s the charm and grab your six powder keg. Regardless, that is true.

Chris 36:57
I’m costing this shop bundle. Yeah.

Haney 37:02
I don’t know how much powder kegs are. I don’t think I don’t know that. We’ve bought one yet. They should

Chris 37:05
probably charge for the test. Yeah,

Haney 37:07
they’re 5050 I owe that. Yeah, six. Yeah. 300 rupees.

Chris 37:12
That’s a lot. Yeah. By EMD. Armani, you are a domani so though from the branding, they’ll probably make it

Haney 37:17
back. Yeah, that’s fine. Well, well, here we are. Yeah. Taking the scenic route.

Chris 37:25
This is my walking simulator. Goron times.

Haney 37:29
Yes. And where are you

Chris 37:31
going? The wrong way. Wait, no, this is the right way. All right. No, it’s not. Where am I?

Haney 37:38
I don’t know. You just left. This isn’t where I want to be.

Chris 37:41
Oh, god dammit. All right. Where did I go wrong?

Haney 37:47
Right there I think to your left. That’s where you went wrong. Why?

Unknown Speaker 37:49

Haney 37:50
I don’t know. Why did that

Chris 37:52
happen? Oh, no. Oh. Oh, my confidence is waning.

Haney 37:57
Oh, farts get fuck off. I can’t believe this has happened. Oh, oh, we’re so close. Oh, helped me finish. Chris helped me finish. Oh my god, you’re so fucking close.

Unknown Speaker 38:12
Oh, and now

Haney 38:17
you’ve made your way to the top where the boulder that you need to blow up is but you don’t have your powder keg with you but you’re just kind of kind of scoping things out. You find the village elders son. They’re fucking great. Awesome. He tells you that he’s super excited that springs here he’s ready to watch the grind races he wants to see anymore. He wants to see daarmee in it. He’s not gonna cry. He’s a big grown boy. He calls me daarmee which I love. Yeah, he said and I quote I will fucking kill you if you ever call me that again. You little shit and dread stuffing them in a powder keg? I don’t know if that has happened.

Chris 38:48
What do you say? Oh, you’re

Unknown Speaker 38:50
the baby. Yeah, you’re that shit?

Unknown Speaker 38:54
No, it’s nice and warm. Now I’m much much better. Even my daddy isn’t right beside me. I won’t be

Haney 39:00
selfish and cry Chris says the same thing about me.

Unknown Speaker 39:04
So now that spring has come to garner it’s it should be starting soon. But this rock is in the way so I can’t get in and see the race I want to see

Chris 39:23
if I could pick you up and throw you in the lake I

Haney 39:25
would do so. Do you not like children’s this? Not this one. Goes back grabs his sixth or fourth powder keg. And eighth is it I mean just flawless victory. Press spectacular 100% blows up that bomb blows up that boulder bullet blows that boulder blow me. And then it’s like hey, well, fucking This is awesome. I guess the kid is stoked. And he doesn’t Bethel fucking child while Yeah, down. He’s like, come watch me. Yeah, I’m

Unknown Speaker 39:58
gonna see you raised Yeah, yeah, okay

Chris 40:01
kid, you know,

Haney 40:02
like, all right. So you go in, you follow Him, and you kind of immediately get entered into a race. You talk to the kid and he’s like, I’m so excited to see you up. Aren’t you ready to go? And you’re like, Yeah, okay, cool. I mean, just all of a sudden the race starts

Chris 40:17
nailed it. You did? Thanks a lot. Oh, cool. I’ll be waiting for you to have to come see it. Good.

Haney 40:29
I need you to have more of a gore on wiggle in your

Chris 40:32
garden. Babies can’t roll because their heads are still undeveloped.

Haney 40:36
Ah, go on racetrack you’re in new spot. Yeah, I

Chris 40:38
am. Naked. What’s going on here? Jeremy, I’ve been waiting for you don’t call me daarmee we’re not friends. The

Unknown Speaker 40:47
everyone’s restless because they can’t wait to enter. You’re gonna enter into Yeah, yep.

Chris 40:51
Yeah, like the options are? Yep. Yeah, I guess you have to I want to show

Unknown Speaker 40:57
everyone how daarmee raised stop calling me daarmee if your magic power runs led charged up, but the game Jerry is on the course. Oh, this would have been nice in the goat fight, huh?

Chris 41:06
It would have been nice in the goat fight. Ah,

Haney 41:08
now this is pod racing. Describe the race for us.

Chris 41:12
Well, it’s basically how I’ve been moving around the game this whole time anyway. It’s a track that you roll your bulk around. As a Goron. There’s some ramps you go over, there’s some pots you can shatter to pick up more magic so you can spike out and especially other Gorons who are racing you as you could imagine from the implication of race. You could good yeah, they can bump you out of your roll. You can bump them. There’s bombs on the track some places like those bomb plants. Yeah, I guess so. Sometimes these Gorons will explode because they’re not the pro racer that I am. Near. You get here bonk

Haney 41:57
bonk bonk bonk.

Unknown Speaker 41:59
Are they faster than

Haney 42:00
me? Cuz they’re fucking Goron racers. What do you Wow What did you just think this is gonna be easy. Yeah,

Chris 42:07
not our money.

Haney 42:09
We should play Mario Kart. Probably. We should definitely play Mario Kart together. Here we are in Beggar’s Canyon. From a prequel fans out there

Unknown Speaker 42:24
this is a boba.

Chris 42:29
They don’t even have spikes. Why are they hurting me?

Haney 42:31
I’m not hurting you. They’re just kicking your ass. You did? Well,

Chris 42:36
yeah. How many times did it take me? How

Haney 42:37
many one? Yeah, you got you got first place immediately. Even though you didn’t think you did?

Chris 42:42
Could you say it slower?

Haney 42:44
You got first place immediately.

Unknown Speaker 42:48
That was great. I knew you were the fastest car on daarmee did it?

Haney 42:52
I’m sure you’d get first place no problem. This is from daddy. It’s the price. Ah, you got a bottle of gold dust quality available.

Unknown Speaker 43:02
I want to be just like you quick.

Haney 43:07
Is that enough of this nonsense.

Chris 43:09
Something something finishing quick.

Haney 43:13
You knew from talking to the Smitty that was McGee or nipples McGee, that if you bring him gold dust, along with your sword, and some monies, he can make you a special sword that will always be strong no matter what. And you’ll never have to pay him to resharpen it ever again. Cool. Yeah, Chris fucking puts that in his back of his mind as deep in there as possible. Right now rolls away and never remember is it? You do another race just to see you like if you can do better, quote unquote, because you didn’t realize that you won. And you’re like convinced that the game glitched because you were like, Wait, why did I get that prize? I didn’t come in first.

Chris 43:50
I felt like I was so behind the entire race.

Haney 43:53
You did significantly worse. The second I very much did. Yeah. I think you came in fifth.

Chris 43:59
We’re gonna cut that.

Haney 44:01
Oh, actually, I guess you raised four times. No, in total I did not. So the first time you raced you got the gold dust. Awesome. Right second time you raised you immediately disqualified yourself because you walked across the finish laws and cow as a separate race. The third time you raced you know they didn’t cancel the race. You’re just you know, they

Chris 44:21
just put me back on the track. I didn’t have to talk to the kid to restart it again.

Haney 44:24
I’m pretty sure that said you were disqualified. They said somebody you had a false start.

Chris 44:29
Listen handy. When you have people racing and somebody false starts. They don’t say fuck it. It’s done. Everyone go home. We’ll try this again tomorrow.

Haney 44:38
That’s why that guy has the gun at the racist. If you have a false you get executed immediately.

Chris 44:45
Okay, that’s true. I did forget about that. And then you had race

Haney 44:48
four or three depending on your meter Chris. And you said Fuck this. You just turned around and

Chris 44:56
left which as far as I’m concerned means I won.

Haney 44:59
Yeah. I’ll agree to that. Are you just doing it again to see if

Chris 45:05
I want to see if I can do any better? Because I didn’t. Oh, I disqualified you fuck. So, why did I get that prize? I definitely didn’t come in first. Yeah, he said you’re the fastest, but I wasn’t like I was very obviously not.

Haney 45:22
You were definitely a first that’s i That’s why I asked why you’re doing it again.

Chris 45:25
But there are people who are passing me the entire fucking time.

Haney 45:28
They don’t stay in first. It’s a race. I don’t understand. See how this this person in front of you. You can overtake them. They can overtake you again.

Chris 45:37
Oh, do you see that? We’ve Yeah, do you

Haney 45:39
see like you just ever took them? People like there’s bombs and like stuff on the course too that like cause people that fuck up. That’s not how races work. You’re definitely not in first. This time you’re in fifth. It looks like

Chris 45:51
Ah, man, I can’t believe I aced my first try.

Haney 45:56
So at this point, it was pretty far into time. I think you’re close to the third day because he had spent quite a bit of time just walking around kind of understanding stuff. I did go

Chris 46:06
back to the elder two. Because what he said was like, hey, after you’ve won the race, come back to me and tell me your decision about leading our people.

Haney 46:17
Thanks so much for listening to the first encounter podcast. If you want the journey to continue please support us at patreon.com/first encounter. Find our socials and contact info at first encounter podcast.com Please stop by and say hey, our intro and outro music is by Alden Zach

Chris 46:36
some pots,

Haney 46:38
potted plants. I need I want my sword instead to be ready in the morning at 7am now should be good

Chris 46:44
honey. I’m playing this with the most efficient route in mind. Okay, not ready to turn back around.

Haney 46:50
In fact, turn around

Chris 46:53
reset ship

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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