Spring has come to Goron Village, we earn the powder keg badge, win some races, and pursue some bumblefuckery.
❗First Encounter contains adult themes such as violence, sexual content, and adult language. Listener discretion is advised.View Uncorrected AI Interpreted Episode Transcript
Hey listener first encounters an explicit podcast by grownups for grownups. content warnings can be found in the episode description. Chris, Annie, welcome to another thrilling episode of the first encounter podcast.
you know, Chris, what are we? Oh, this is a throwback episode. Yeah, well let me over my brisk iced tea. Oh, it’s not carbonated. it fizzes. Like PP
that I really close to the mic
new we’ll see what happens. Okay. Hey, how you doing on this fine day.
Don’t okay, it’s pretty good day.
Let’s Good day played some Majoris mask. Finally, it’s not incredibly terribly hot outside. It’s a it’s a good day all around pretty. Alright. What are we what are we doing today, Chris?
Well, we’re gonna serenade your ears with some sweet melodies of Majoris mask.
But before we do any of that nonsense I’m gonna talk about anymore. Oh, we have some people we should thank. Yeah. Chris, can I interest you in thanking our exhibition to your members?
Thank you so much, Josh. Joan, fumbling for in the almighty crit. Cody, Claudia. Brendan, Ben. And Alex. Yeah. Thank you so much. Yeah,
we also got to give a huge thank you to all of our producers like Dr. J. Denise, and is thank you all so much.
Thank you, Chris. We got to think just one more person, you know, had to thank me and intensity. It’s you thanking me quite an I understand. I get the message. I appreciate it. But that’s fine.
Unknown Speaker 1:45
Hey, Chris. Well, that’s over
Unknown Speaker 1:51
though. Can I just you and thanking uncommon VT with me.
I don’t know that I’m in the mood anymore.
That’s fine. You know what? Listening? I understand. It’s summer. It’s hot. Coffee might be the last thing on your mind. But did you know that you can drink it cold? I had no idea. No. Don’t do that. What you can do is you can go to uncommon vt.com do that go to their shop page? Yes. Pick out some delicious coffees that you think would taste good cold. All of them, which is everything they create is delicious. Even the even the shirts tastes wonderful. Yummy, yummy. Yes. Pick yourself out some nice snacks, coffees, maybe a shirt, maybe something else if it tickles your your fancy. Put in your cart. Put in the words. Good, good. All one word into that little discount slash promo slash bow
box. That’s actually both two words. And also not a word. Yeah, it’s all good. Yeah.
Hit apply. And watch your order be reduced by 10%. Fantastic deal. You’re gonna love it. And all those coffees, you can take them home. You can grind them, you can make yourself a nice pot of coffee.
Don’t have to grind them. You can just use the whole bean. And can you? I mean, it’s gonna be bad. Not ideal coffee.
Maybe grind it? Maybe don’t. I don’t care what you do. Don’t take that pot, stick it in the fridge for a little while and then just drink it directly from the cold pot when you come out. That’s how you make iced coffee. Right?
Don’t do that. I
drink hot coffee only. If I drink an iced coffee, someone else made it for me. And it’s also not a coffee. It’s like ice cream and a cop. Yeah. And it’s also typically from uncommon VT but just the store not online.
You can’t order frozen desserts from their website unfortunately yet yet. We’re working on.
We’ll work with uncommon to see what we can do. But as always, thank you so much for sponsoring this season of First Encounter uncommon coffee. Go to uncommon beauty.com For all your coffee needs. Now, Chris
What’s up you Zelda freaks. Welcome back to Marjorie’s.
speed runners now. Hey, see good speed running. Yeah, how you doing?
Basically just flying on cloud nine. Think that’s what the it’s called? Cloud seven, cloud seven cloud
seven seven cloud user just in the vehicle knockers on Calaca.
Back, dear listeners to another riveting episode of Chris knows exactly what he’s doing. Boy to see crush it. And you know what? It feels good to be back in the saddle. Thanks for having me. I’m glad to be here. You can direct your applause and aplomb and all your dollars to patreon.com/christopher encounter where I teach me how to play Majoris mask. Thoughts
fucking vomit on this microphone. Oh yeah, none of that happened today but yeah, we attempted to Chris you have a very distinct plan going into Today I had a big plan and I’m gonna lay it out lay it out before we dive into whatever this was. So as
far as I’m concerned, I accomplished everything I wanted to. If you remember how many at the end of the last episode saw us make me really yeah saving the day melting the snow and the ice in the frozen hearts of the Gorons everywhere. And now snow head Temple is Snow, snow snow no more temple
no head temple for the only thing Pierre Pienaar that’s fine.
So here’s was my objectives today hit me with them a the hearth is unfrozen from the sword store. So gonna check out what that’s all about.
It’s the the mountain smithy run by zebra and Gomorrah.
Yeah, my favorite nipply duo. Yep, we got the Gorun town. Yeah, hopefully the kids not crying anymore. We can see what’s going on with that. Maybe the elder made it home. Who’s to say I gotta get that fucking big ass bomb powderkeg to blow up the path to Romani Ranch. Yeah, there’s a Goran in town who I know wanted to sell me some. So we’re gonna stop in, chat him up a little bit.
Then you added you added one goal after logging in today to
Well, I have another one. Because there’s the wandering Goron who checks into the crock pot in Yeah, that’s
the one I was talking about. Yeah,
I’m gonna talk to him. See if I can steal his room. Or whatever the fuck he’s about. Yeah. Excellent. So here we are. Did you have anything to add to that?
Yeah, so considering we saved and left the game and snow ahead, obviously we would expect to wake up first thing in Corktown which we do. Here we are. Down on the first day. We’re in clocked down. I’m pretty sure we must have zoomed our way back to Clock Town to save. Excellent good
stuff. Some rupees under the mattress.
Chris’s takes a minute and is like hey, why am I in lockdown? I don’t want this fucking song. I’m sorry. In this way. A backup to no head temple. Yeah, back to the this the snowy village,
I think is what it’s called. Yeah, whatever. Yeah.
Um, I loved your goals. I was on board with all of them. I was like, Oh, excellent. We’re gonna have a real progression of time today. Now
before you go off the rails. I’m not going after elf before you take fall with what I did today.
I didn’t know why do you assume I’m taking fall? I’m just
to tell the listeners what percent of my goals I accomplished this gameplay.
Unknown Speaker 8:01
Yeah, that’s right. So yes, yeah, I mean, there’s not much more to say I aced it honey from from the mouth of a babe. Honey. tells me that I just crushed it. Nailed it. 100% No problem. speedrun
thank you so much for listening to this episode of Preston Canada. If you’d like to join me to continue please don’t let it Yeah, you hit your goals for sure. So um, let’s talk about the snow Village. I would love to
Unknown Speaker 8:34
hear we go
watch if you like mid like afternoon like It’s like 3pm
Why am I in Clock Town? You
hold the secret sword. You have returned to the appointed spot. If you wish to interrupt your
spot sucks. Why am I here?
What do you have? Yeah, fire arrows. So that’s not bad fire. Yeah.
All right. Hey, we got a lot of stuff to accomplish this upset?
Yeah. What are we what are we thinking? What’s your strategy for today? A
I gotta talk to the the nipple folk.
All right. I hate that. I understand what you’re saying. Yeah.
we got for you. You’re listening at home, Chris. Just song of Sauron himself over to the mountain village and he’s gonna get to talk to you for the talk there. Oh my god. Well, God dammit. How’s that? Just random. Berry? Berry? Oh, fish. Gretchen I can’t use my bottle in the water. Now you fucking moron. Yeah, it’s easier arms to slim. Can be holding bottles. You sound insane. Right?
I can’t get the frog either.
Why would you get the frog? It’s just a frog. So you roll into snow village again, and it’s everything’s all melty. Yeah, that’s cool. We like melty snow real wet
town. And there’s a couple things happening. Yeah, talk to me. Well, there were flower patches under the snow. So now we got wasps. Yeah. which is ideal, I guess. Sure. Yeah. I try briefly I think to get back to the grind the graveyard and quickly learn that the water is impossible.
You cannot without the without the ice chunks that used to be in it.
Yeah. So that’s a no go. That’s okay because I roll into the smithy.
Yeah. So you roll up that smithy and Spring has sprung and the Bora gives you his best. Ah
All right, so I’m gonna talk to the nipple voice All right, I gotta check back in with the Goron temple or villager whatever. That is the capital.
Why are you trying to hit the bee? pollinating
he hurt me? Yeah, and he won’t get in my bottle.
Then that an SOS to the world
Oh, customer Hey, good. Brah fetch our customers some coffee quick like oh, you get coffee. Now then let me take a look at your sword.
Let me take a look at your nipples.
All right to report your sword and cost 100 rupees and it’ll be ready at sunrise. You’ll have to let us hold on to your sword until then, you can hold whatever you want with those nipples. Keep in mind that after yeas reforged sword 100 times it will lose its edge and we’ll be back to its original sharpness. So what would you like your sword would say? Would you like your sword? Okay, well fuck me. I don’t have the money. Oh, really? Then I really can’t be helped drop by again sometime. Kabara forget about that coffee. What the fuck? This is a secret but I’ll let you in on it. If you can bring me some gold dust. I can afford you the strongest of swords. It’ll never lose its edge. It’s the strongest the strongest.
Alright, we got a new a new to do now. Gold Dust gold dust. Unfortunately, I didn’t have money at this point. So I couldn’t upgrade my sword. And also I didn’t get any coffee
now. So you told him that you had no money and he says that’s a shame. This is a Bora Bora. I don’t remember which one is which? Cancel flip Coffee order. What the hell?
No good. Probably three out of 10 Yelp. Yeah, yeah, that’s how Yelp scores work. Right.
I have five Yelp. Yelp is not a good company. We don’t need to talk about bad service overall. Yeah, they they do really sketchy things. I’m talking about the sort of store Yeah, that’s fine. They they’re, they’re better than Yelp. We tear out of there. So you discover a new area. A cave entrance in this snow village which is no longer snowy. Also ship village there’s one house and it’s just a smithy and they’re not there’s it’s not a village at all. Yeah, there’s no community here. No, that’s okay. Because you found a little cool girl on slide.
Yeah, I mean, cool is a strong way to put it. It’s basically a path with a bunch of ramps that is filled with monsters that try and eat you that leads back up to the Goron graveyard.
Yeah, so you can get back up there after all, just not the way you wanted to for some reason. Yeah, but you did manage to find a little sidetrack within the cave. Oh, holy. Oh, you found a hole. Yeah, you jumped in. squeezed my bulk into that hole. And I’ll trust you. Yeah, you got some rupees. And you also importantly though, you also got a fish? Hell yeah. We named it Gretchen. Ah, read drew pot. Nice. Nice. Big money big money wrestler, wrestler. Big money hustler?
Yeah. hustler the hot new Zelda mag. There’s also a bug here. Which you know, I need Oh, there’s a fish. Do I want a fish or a bug? Ah,
so you either get Gretchen the bug or Gretchen the fish? It’s good to fish. Fish and the fish returning.
It’s so fresh.
Your fish fish owner? Yeah. Have you ever had a fish named Gretchen
now? I’ve only named one of my fish. And it’s called sucky.
Is it one of those ones that like clings on to the Yeah, yeah, I like those a lot. Yes. How is sucky, mister. Okay, he’s
kind of an asshole. Actually. Really just ever. It’s been in the title like smack everyone else out of the way.
That’s what dick? How many how many fish you got?
I have a nine fish and about 100 snails.
Are the snails ever gonna stop?
I hope so. I hope so. But speaking of sucky snail
mail and snail problems like more problems, right? Yeah, okay. Um, so um, so you got Gretchen, and you’re like, cool. I’m gonna keep rolling up this hill. up this ramp, and you get to the garden graveyard. You go into the garden graveyard looks exactly this looks the same. Except there’s no water you moved Armani’s grave Get a whole bunch of spring water flowing in their hot spring water hot spring water. Do you mean and you’re really scratching into the boiling steam water? And we’re steaming we’re steaming Gretchen making some steamed fish.
Yeah, I mean people steam themselves to the fucking sauna sauna. Yeah, that’s, that’s all I’m doing.
Gretchen’s super relaxed and delicious. Yeah. grab, grab, grab it. Grab.
I don’t grabbed. Ah.
Loved Me with your stink. watered head.
Your pro gamer boys stink water.
Oh, you’re gonna put aggression in here. Yeah. Nice. Fish. Like hot water. Is that a?
It’s a tropical fish. All right. Well,
it looks really hot. It’s steaming. I think you’re making big fish by Gretchen.
Okay, boiled fish. It’s
called now. I said what I said. You got some hot spring water. What are you gonna use it on? I don’t know yet. Everything’s behind.
Yeah. I mean, there must be some reason that’s in there.
So we dropped off at the pool. Yeah. And just roll the fuck out of the Goron
okay, there’s a reason I had to pick drop Gretchen off. Oh, yeah. There was bugs here. Well, no, I need to get hot spring water.
What for you.
If I could make the spring water come back. I might need it for summer. Yeah. You
roll back up to the mountain Smitty. You throw your sword down on the table and a whole bunch of rupees and you’re like, make it good. Or, and the guy’s like, yeah, okay, I’ll do that. But be ready in the morning. So like still didn’t get fucking coffee. You go to hell. Yeah. What
the hell? Where’s my goddamn coffee?
You need to capture it in a bottle. Dammit. hotspring coffee.
So yeah, you dropped my sword off.
You’ve dropped your sword off so you don’t have a sword for the next short distance. But that’s all right.
All right, give me my sword. I’m back for my sharp sword. Give me your sword polish my sword. Also, more importantly, my coffee. Wait, he won’t make me a sword if I’m a gore on.
What do you say? How did you aggressively button mashing?
fetch my coffee.
We’re not doing voices today because Chris says I go too fast.
He said that. I’ll just do it again.
No, no, it’s fine. No, no, no, no. Come back tomorrow morning.
Oh, I don’t have my sword.
Yeah, what are you doing down here? This is dangerous cut down at night that works to
get sniped. Can I interest you in some? Wesley Snipes?
I like that way more than I should have this. What’s the steps in prison still?
I don’t know anything. Why was he in prison? Tax evasion. Yeah, I mean, I get it. Yeah.
So after that, we roll back down and head over to the Goron Village. This is also do frosted now. Yeah, that seems like there’s less people out than there was before though to be honest.
I did look at Perimeter sweep of the area. Yeah, nothing
really. Your hotspring water cooler. Now. It’s just a plain old spring water.
Stupid fucking lukewarm spring water.
Where are you going?
The garden house. Garden village Goren house. Oh, you’re right. Yeah, that would have been not ideal. So on the road to Goran town, all of the ice has melted into a lake. Don’t want to be touching that as Goren now oh, there’s Skull. Skull fish in the water. Was that okay for you know that you’re on who wanted to eat something disappeared or he died?
You didn’t get him his food. So you go to the meeting hall and you kind of wander around. Ah, hello, welcome.
Here. We are. No crying today, boys. Once again. Let’s see if shooting these wood torches does anything.
Ah pom pom pom pom pom pom? No. Decidedly now
already know this is a good use of my arrows.
I mean, it’s fine. You found arrows everywhere.
Can I help you? But you’re making noises Hanny? No, I’m not. Yes, you are. I can hear you laughing
Yes. You’re laughing at me. Not with me. Yeah, that’s
because you’re not laughing.
I’m taking this seriously.
So I’m sweating. Good. I wish I had worn shorts. Chris also decided that the 80 degree day was the best day to turn the heat on.
I was wet and cold. You can turn off if you want. Yes, please be about it.
Finally you find everyone congregated around the village elder who we had rescued from nice a nice ball. Last time you talked to everyone around the elder first as dark money and everyone’s like fuck yeah turn money. Yeah. Then you decide to talk them as Link and everyone’s like, hey, spring we love Spring finger guns you should spring with us spring bro Have you ever been seen spring as Germani though everyone’s like the elders been waiting so impatiently for you which is hilarious because he’s literally right next to them like he could have just been like hey there money the gore I know there has been waiting for you. What if I talk to you? Spring has finally come to Grove village bombs the Goron special product are now cheap so you should go buy some
I don’t know if it’s spring if you just melt the entire spring is finally come to Goron
village it’s just starting to get comfortably warm it’s nice out spring has finally come to Grove village please go see the Goron races held in honor of spring races Do you Do you know much about the moon Fly Me To The Moon it’s just that lately I think the moon has been getting bigger I couldn’t help but notice it what do you think nothing nothing happened no no worries here nothing to worry about nothing to think about here it’s all fine All right, elder talk to me. Oh welcome to spring and Goron Village at simony sounds Oh
Unknown Speaker 21:25
welcome to spring and Gorham village. You’re just in time we’re all in the gone races in celebration of spring so go see them
Unknown Speaker 21:38
Oh, what about now? Oh
finally you talk to the elder.
He’s like hey, I’m getting old need a successor someone who’s young strong hip with the lingo knows the left from their right. It can only be huge Armani and everyone
fucking goes nuts for you. cheering you on. Everyone isn’t supportive you being it? Chris is like Hell yeah, I want to be patriarchal let’s go let’s do this. I would love that and tries to say yes immediately and the village elders like hold the fucking phone don’t make any rash decisions. Go watch a gore on race with Chris is like what the fuck is that? And then come back and tell me about it after my son’s waiting for you at the ground races go show them how it’s done. Fucking
great. Cool. Love to see your son again.
Unknown Speaker 22:31
Oh, darn money. I’ve been waiting impatiently for you. That you the one who might was thought to be dead had sealed off the Blizzard that was blowing in from snow head. Oh, thinks you spring has come to go on village. Everyone has come it’s not spring. Everyone is pleased. Credit score on hero of all bets. Time money,
Unknown Speaker 22:56
dharma. Your money The Immortal God who is not dead even if he has died? That’s wrong. Dharma. Everybody the star whom we wish upon? That’s our money. Greatest of
Unknown Speaker 23:16
Unknown Speaker 23:21
domani is the greatest in the world.
keep yelling. Now he got to keep yelling.
Unknown Speaker 23:31
My son got better immediately he went to see the go on races that celebrate spring.
By God better you mean stop crying?
Unknown Speaker 23:39
You got better. This time I the protector of this tribe for so many years. Choose to yield the seed of a tribal patriarch to a younger one. I feel like me born who makes calm decisions yet both courageous determination and can take care of all shall be the patriarch that could be me chosen one time money is you
there can be no. Well, you’ve made the right decision.
Unknown Speaker 24:03
What do you think if it’s you everyone would happily accept you as the patriarch? Yes, I will take this what you need not answer so quickly go into the Gohan race thinking over slowly. I am a waiting to
take it over. I’m the go. I’m the leader and you’re all answered to me
at this point, Chris is like hey, I’m gonna go plug in zero race or some shit. Yeah.
And you know what? i The race was cool. Also the out of the gate. You don’t want to really improve it fucking adds all over these Gorons just plaster room. Yeah. Yeah, I
feel around with first encounter racing stripes. Yes, yes. At least. Yes. That aside, you roll out of town and you’re like, Well, I want to go see the fucking powderkeg guy. I don’t know where the grind racetrack is. I have no money. I’m going back to Corktown Alright, so what are we got?
A Gore on race? I could get
Chris’s blast himself off the edge. I’m off the edge
Unknown Speaker 25:12
of glory can i
What’s this? What’s it say? I don’t know. God Armani can’t read.
Grind powderkeg shop new customers will be tested on proper usage. The shopkeeper?
I will come back here once I have money again.
Sorry, but we only do swords and cutlery. Okay, you’re back at the smithy now. Yeah, I kept you waiting, but it’s done. See? Oh, sick. You’re curious. Sorry. It has been strengthened and forged into a razor sword.
That was rad as hell yeah, that’s
second name. Now keep in mind that after you’ve used this 100 times the blade will lose its edge and will return to its original sharpness edge. Here’s the secret if you bring me gold dust before the sword, this is this edge. I’ll be able to make the strongest sword around here that gold dust. Were we going back to Clock Town before?
Then take some money out.
Your banker is gonna be very displeased with you. I don’t give a shit about my personal financial advisor and Clocktower is going to be very upset with you.
You’re my personal advisor. Coincidentally, I am
trust me you do not want me to be your financial adviser. I spend all my money on pornography. Why? I like pornography. A lot for me. I like supporting indie creators. You always told me how important you think that is. That’s true. Yeah, just happens with the indie creators I support or pornographers roll back the clock down. You get your money’s you got out 200 rupees, you’re like, Alright, cool. I’m gonna roll up to Goron village and try to find that powder keg shop. Let’s see what that’s about. You roll over there.
He says roll over a lot. That’s not a phrase. In this case. I’m literally going my door on
the door on roll. Yeah. Now. From here on. If I say rolling, it means a quite literally rolling. Do the Goron roll. saying your arms from side to side. Come on. It’s time to go do the guard roll?
Yeah, from the powderkeg. Shop. Yeah. Big problem with this. This Goron store. Yeah, they only sell pancakes to Gorons. A and B. Gordon’s can’t get into the shop. Yeah, the entrance is too high for Gordon’s to climb up.
Yeah. So you have to be link, you can use his hope. And then you can transform into Goron it’s fine, interesting
design. So make my way down the tunnel. And there’s a titan Goron just this massive, hulking beast of a folk who’s like, Hey, dude, you got your powder kegs. But you got to earn it first. You got to show that you can be safe with it.
You got to be licensed. Yeah. Which, honestly, more games need a certification process so that you can make sure that you’re OSHA compliant.
Yeah, no, I am in agreement for sure. There, especially seeing how I handled these very large deadly explosive. Yeah,
it’s a miracle. No one was more injured than they were.
I gotta find the races. I got to make the big games.
So you want to be a hero kid? Well, whoop dee doo. I’ve been around the block before with blockheads. Just like you don’t need to be rude about it pain for saying no. So much for excuses. Ain’t no kid a zoo says jump into the
pain can’t get enough. Why did why did they make a entrance? aurons cannot use I don’t know that. All of that seems entirely like a Oh,
Unknown Speaker 28:55
there’s a big boy.
The girl who sells the powder keg, the most famous product of the Gorons want a powder keg powder kegs explode with powerful blasts and are very dangerous until they’ve captured you to see if you can use them properly. I couldn’t get to use any of your own. Will you give it a try? So here’s
the test. Here’s the test.
You get a free bomb and go blow up this rock in time.
You don’t know where the rock is. But you do know that it’s the entrance to the grind race. So clearly this is here as a step to get you to the next storyline. Yeah,
I kind of stumbled into the order in the correct way.
Which is nice. That’s, that’s always good.
It’s called a pro game remove.
Yeah, also this Titan Goron that you’re talking about? Yeah, his name is Mehdi. Goron. Don’t give that as a medium. No,
he’s Titan. Goron now,
there’s bigger Gorons and many Goron you’re gonna learn actually, you’ve already seen the bigger Gore on the Goron is the one who was breathing that Jon Snow had temple. Yeah, yeah. Um, so You got your first powder keg? We’re not glossing over this.
Oh, can you interesting?
Do you even lift? Oh my fucking God. Well this is gonna be an issue.
Is there a problem? Chris, can you describe for the listeners what the problem seems to be? This is an audio only medium I’ll have you know, just a minute on what is gonna fly? What is the problem here?
I already fucked it up I know it’s going to explode. So I come into this tunnel. Uh huh. There’s these ramps that you have to go up and go down to get in and out. Yeah, and you can’t go up the ramps if you’re holding the powderkeg Yeah, so you have to throw the powderkeg up the ramps and then follow it back up yourself. Alright, we’re doing okay. Except now you can’t be fast. Except I can’t be fast or
where to go. They’re just glitch out of existence.
You can’t walk up the ramps out of the shop with the powderkeg fucking Don’t be a moron. You have to take this very explosive bomb that’s lit. Lit. And you have to throw it up the ramp. Yeah. And then roll yourself back up over it. And you pick it up, and you throw it up over the next.
I think Chris almost immediately just walked away from the
I realized pretty quickly that I was not going to make it. Yeah, the first time. So I feel like that was a strategic retreat. I’m not sure I would count that as an attempt.
Okay. Still counting it, but I would agree with you. It was a strategic retreat. But it’s still lost and Ellis still now. Take the Eldred but then you’re like, Okay, well, now I understand this. No problem. Yeah. Second time, aced it, pick it up, throw it, get it out of the out of the shop shop and throw it out the open door, and it disappears, is gone.
I don’t feel like that it didn’t explode. So I’m not sure I would count that as a loss if you still lost the bomb. And when you’re
out of existence, it definitely glitched out of existence. But when you went back, he was like, Oh, you fucking didn’t make it happen, huh? Let’s try again. This time, third time,
or if you’re counting potentially first time. Sure.
Third time, you may get all the way out to the garden village before you realize you have no idea where you’re where you’re going from here. You’re like, well, I saw a big boulder and it was over here somewhere. And here’s wandering around Goron village, which was also not where you saw the big boulder earlier. I knew exactly what you’re talking about. Because I’m what’s the bowl that you saw. Yeah, but it was in a different area of town completely. Not even in town a different area of the map completely. Yeah.
So you just wander around, and eventually you’re just like fog in you just left the keg to explode.
So if these goblins look out their window they’re just seeing Darmody running around with this fucking
I’ll say your dirty money. Why do you have to have a license? Come on? No, there’s a lot of plot holes about celebrity status. Where Yeah, you get to jump the line. That you’d love to video games?
I do. It doesn’t excuse them for making an entrance that the Goron you are can’t use
the Goron you are hates the garland. You’re meant to be?
Um, the garden. We deserve not the Goron we need.
If it makes you feel better. I am keeping track of your failures.
Oh, yeah, that does. I feel like a failure is exploding.
No. You fail this test twice. And he told you as such. What do you want from me?
I didn’t read that. All right. Where’s this frickin? I think I saw big boulder this way.
All right. Only 19 But my mind just bowled.
I really don’t love that. I can’t drop this. Why would you so I can throw it ahead of me.
No, you gotta be fast, Chris. All right. Can’t
go up here. Oh, I can go up here. Ah,
now we’re Cooking. Cooking with powderkeg s? Where are you? Good.
powderkeg is what I call is excellent. Where is that boulder. Anyway, so this is Gore on town. Yeah. On your left, you can see rocks house. On your right, you can see flooding rock,
and powderkeg that’s about to explode. Fourth, or second, or second. Fourth time you manage to do remember that it’s not actually in the village proper, but it’s in the path that leads to the to the village. So you run out onto the path that leads to the village, the powderkeg. You can also call it the path that leads out of the village. Yeah, you could. You could, Chris good. And you’re like, Ah, excellent. I see a boulder all the way up there. Man that’s far away. And I fucked around for quite a while. Make it about halfway on the path towards that boulder. And it blows
nananana All right. Well, I feel like they have enough time to ace this.
Yeah, yeah, I think you’re you’re getting it. You’re already you’re already further than I thought you were gonna get. Yeah, yeah. Fourth time’s the charm though. with your with your clock here. That’s what they say. You’re already forgot how to
Kenny, you. You’re gonna eat your words in about 20 minutes.
I was wrong for a time was not the time friends.
Yeah, it was. You don’t know yet cute
precision gaming is not your forte is it
one of these times? No, you and me are going to race through this fucking game and we’ll see who the real Zelda champion is. Yeah,
I think we should pick up. I say looking at my switch, which I literally had to turn off when you came in the room because I’m so far ahead of you.
You’re also following a guide? How are you know, I don’t need a guide. I thought you were learning to speedrun strats.
I mean, I’m not like reading other people’s strats I’m just reading this like a Brady game strategy guide,
where the fuck is this racetrack?
I feel like somehow it’s looking kind of lows. Somehow, even though you knew where to go, this time you did worse.
I got farther.
You didn’t get further right? Ball. So fifth try
or third or third, which they say is the charm.
They might you get back to the powder keg. Sure, round five, or three, depending on if you’re me or Chris. And you get it out of the village. Awesome. You get it all the way across the path cool. And then you just fucking run right by the path that leads up to the boulder that you need to blow up and out of the village and just basically like so far gone on the way back in you get attacked by a spider. And it costs you enough time that you can’t make it all the way up to the top of the powder keg. But you’re almost there. You make it like to two thirds of the way up there. So you go back here like right sixth time or Fourth time’s the charm and grab your six powder keg. Regardless, that is true.
I’m costing this shop bundle. Yeah.
I don’t know how much powder kegs are. I don’t think I don’t know that. We’ve bought one yet. They should
probably charge for the test. Yeah,
they’re 5050 I owe that. Yeah, six. Yeah. 300 rupees.
That’s a lot. Yeah. By EMD. Armani, you are a domani so though from the branding, they’ll probably make it
back. Yeah, that’s fine. Well, well, here we are. Yeah. Taking the scenic route.
This is my walking simulator. Goron times.
Yes. And where are you
going? The wrong way. Wait, no, this is the right way. All right. No, it’s not. Where am I?
I don’t know. You just left. This isn’t where I want to be.
Oh, god dammit. All right. Where did I go wrong?
Right there I think to your left. That’s where you went wrong. Why?
Unknown Speaker 37:49
I don’t know. Why did that
happen? Oh, no. Oh. Oh, my confidence is waning.
Oh, farts get fuck off. I can’t believe this has happened. Oh, oh, we’re so close. Oh, helped me finish. Chris helped me finish. Oh my god, you’re so fucking close.
Unknown Speaker 38:12
Oh, and now
you’ve made your way to the top where the boulder that you need to blow up is but you don’t have your powder keg with you but you’re just kind of kind of scoping things out. You find the village elders son. They’re fucking great. Awesome. He tells you that he’s super excited that springs here he’s ready to watch the grind races he wants to see anymore. He wants to see daarmee in it. He’s not gonna cry. He’s a big grown boy. He calls me daarmee which I love. Yeah, he said and I quote I will fucking kill you if you ever call me that again. You little shit and dread stuffing them in a powder keg? I don’t know if that has happened.
What do you say? Oh, you’re
Unknown Speaker 38:50
the baby. Yeah, you’re that shit?
Unknown Speaker 38:54
No, it’s nice and warm. Now I’m much much better. Even my daddy isn’t right beside me. I won’t be
selfish and cry Chris says the same thing about me.
Unknown Speaker 39:04
So now that spring has come to garner it’s it should be starting soon. But this rock is in the way so I can’t get in and see the race I want to see
if I could pick you up and throw you in the lake I
would do so. Do you not like children’s this? Not this one. Goes back grabs his sixth or fourth powder keg. And eighth is it I mean just flawless victory. Press spectacular 100% blows up that bomb blows up that boulder bullet blows that boulder blow me. And then it’s like hey, well, fucking This is awesome. I guess the kid is stoked. And he doesn’t Bethel fucking child while Yeah, down. He’s like, come watch me. Yeah, I’m
Unknown Speaker 39:58
gonna see you raised Yeah, yeah, okay
kid, you know,
like, all right. So you go in, you follow Him, and you kind of immediately get entered into a race. You talk to the kid and he’s like, I’m so excited to see you up. Aren’t you ready to go? And you’re like, Yeah, okay, cool. I mean, just all of a sudden the race starts
nailed it. You did? Thanks a lot. Oh, cool. I’ll be waiting for you to have to come see it. Good.
I need you to have more of a gore on wiggle in your
garden. Babies can’t roll because their heads are still undeveloped.
Ah, go on racetrack you’re in new spot. Yeah, I
am. Naked. What’s going on here? Jeremy, I’ve been waiting for you don’t call me daarmee we’re not friends. The
Unknown Speaker 40:47
everyone’s restless because they can’t wait to enter. You’re gonna enter into Yeah, yep.
Yeah, like the options are? Yep. Yeah, I guess you have to I want to show
Unknown Speaker 40:57
everyone how daarmee raised stop calling me daarmee if your magic power runs led charged up, but the game Jerry is on the course. Oh, this would have been nice in the goat fight, huh?
It would have been nice in the goat fight. Ah,
now this is pod racing. Describe the race for us.
Well, it’s basically how I’ve been moving around the game this whole time anyway. It’s a track that you roll your bulk around. As a Goron. There’s some ramps you go over, there’s some pots you can shatter to pick up more magic so you can spike out and especially other Gorons who are racing you as you could imagine from the implication of race. You could good yeah, they can bump you out of your roll. You can bump them. There’s bombs on the track some places like those bomb plants. Yeah, I guess so. Sometimes these Gorons will explode because they’re not the pro racer that I am. Near. You get here bonk
bonk bonk bonk.
Unknown Speaker 41:59
Are they faster than
me? Cuz they’re fucking Goron racers. What do you Wow What did you just think this is gonna be easy. Yeah,
not our money.
We should play Mario Kart. Probably. We should definitely play Mario Kart together. Here we are in Beggar’s Canyon. From a prequel fans out there
Unknown Speaker 42:24
this is a boba.
They don’t even have spikes. Why are they hurting me?
I’m not hurting you. They’re just kicking your ass. You did? Well,
yeah. How many times did it take me? How
many one? Yeah, you got you got first place immediately. Even though you didn’t think you did?
Could you say it slower?
You got first place immediately.
Unknown Speaker 42:48
That was great. I knew you were the fastest car on daarmee did it?
I’m sure you’d get first place no problem. This is from daddy. It’s the price. Ah, you got a bottle of gold dust quality available.
Unknown Speaker 43:02
I want to be just like you quick.
Is that enough of this nonsense.
Something something finishing quick.
You knew from talking to the Smitty that was McGee or nipples McGee, that if you bring him gold dust, along with your sword, and some monies, he can make you a special sword that will always be strong no matter what. And you’ll never have to pay him to resharpen it ever again. Cool. Yeah, Chris fucking puts that in his back of his mind as deep in there as possible. Right now rolls away and never remember is it? You do another race just to see you like if you can do better, quote unquote, because you didn’t realize that you won. And you’re like convinced that the game glitched because you were like, Wait, why did I get that prize? I didn’t come in first.
I felt like I was so behind the entire race.
You did significantly worse. The second I very much did. Yeah. I think you came in fifth.
We’re gonna cut that.
Oh, actually, I guess you raised four times. No, in total I did not. So the first time you raced you got the gold dust. Awesome. Right second time you raised you immediately disqualified yourself because you walked across the finish laws and cow as a separate race. The third time you raced you know they didn’t cancel the race. You’re just you know, they
just put me back on the track. I didn’t have to talk to the kid to restart it again.
I’m pretty sure that said you were disqualified. They said somebody you had a false start.
Listen handy. When you have people racing and somebody false starts. They don’t say fuck it. It’s done. Everyone go home. We’ll try this again tomorrow.
That’s why that guy has the gun at the racist. If you have a false you get executed immediately.
Okay, that’s true. I did forget about that. And then you had race
four or three depending on your meter Chris. And you said Fuck this. You just turned around and
left which as far as I’m concerned means I won.
Yeah. I’ll agree to that. Are you just doing it again to see if
I want to see if I can do any better? Because I didn’t. Oh, I disqualified you fuck. So, why did I get that prize? I definitely didn’t come in first. Yeah, he said you’re the fastest, but I wasn’t like I was very obviously not.
You were definitely a first that’s i That’s why I asked why you’re doing it again.
But there are people who are passing me the entire fucking time.
They don’t stay in first. It’s a race. I don’t understand. See how this this person in front of you. You can overtake them. They can overtake you again.
Oh, do you see that? We’ve Yeah, do you
see like you just ever took them? People like there’s bombs and like stuff on the course too that like cause people that fuck up. That’s not how races work. You’re definitely not in first. This time you’re in fifth. It looks like
Ah, man, I can’t believe I aced my first try.
So at this point, it was pretty far into time. I think you’re close to the third day because he had spent quite a bit of time just walking around kind of understanding stuff. I did go
back to the elder two. Because what he said was like, hey, after you’ve won the race, come back to me and tell me your decision about leading our people.
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potted plants. I need I want my sword instead to be ready in the morning at 7am now should be good
honey. I’m playing this with the most efficient route in mind. Okay, not ready to turn back around.
In fact, turn around
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
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