In this sidequest we take a few minutes respite from the hustle and bustle of chasing Sephiroth to revisit a couple old favorite spots on the world map, and attempt to recruit our old friends, the ninja and the jogger. Thanks for listening to First Encounter!

❗First Encounter contains adult themes such as violence, sexual content, and adult language. Listener discretion is advised.

View Episode Transcript
Haney 0:00
This episode of First Encounter contains spoilers for the video game Final Fantasy VII. If you’ve not played this game, first off, what are you doing? Don’t be like me and second, go play it instead of listening to us. If you’d like to follow along, listen to the end of the episode for where we play to next, as well as how you can get in touch with us. We would also like to take a second to say that we are in no way affiliated with Square. We’re just a couple of guys trying to have fun with a cool video game.

How you doing with this?

Chris 0:23
It’s fine. You’re just killing wildlife.

Haney 0:26
Yeah, this is kind of weird. They’re just bats.

Chris 0:28
They’re just bats.

Haney 0:28
They’re just bats.

Chris 0:29
They’re just living their life, just being a bat family. Bat’s get bad rep in games.

Haney 0:34
Zubat, Golbat, Crobat.

Chris 0:37
I don’t care for those.

Haney 0:45
Oh, I just remembered what else we get to talk about.

Chris 0:47

Haney 0:48
Speaking of party members.

Chris 0:49
Yeah, you got a face on.

Haney 0:50
Yeah umm. So at this point, Uh -I believe we saved the game and decided to- you turned the reins over to me to let me do whatever I pleased.

Chris 1:00
There were several things you were talking about for a couple episodes, now.

Haney 1:03
I said I had some to-do’s, but what were some of the to-do’s in your mind.

Chris 1:07
Well, you said M-Phone back in Midgar, Um-Guy back in Midgar, get into that fucking room in the Shinra mansion.

Haney 1:15

Chris 1:16
And there’s a character we bumped into-

Haney 1:18
Mysterious Ninja?

Chris 1:19
Mysterious Ninja.

Haney 1:20

Chris 1:21
So you had a couple of objectives.

Haney 1:22
I had some items on my to-do list that I wanted to get taken care of, so uh Chris was like fuck it, just go for it. So I started bumble-fucking my Tiny Bronco around and landed in Nibleheim, start exploring a little bit um, start trying to count the black cloaked figures unfortunately at this point in the game, it no longer tells you which number each of them are. So we ended up giving up on that but I was like you know what? I’ve leveled up like four or five times since the last time I tried taking on Lost Number. Maybe I could do it again. Hey, Chris. I fucking did it.

Chris 1:56
You did it.

Haney 1:57
Fucking DID IT guy.

Chris 1:59
Destroyed it!

Haney 2:00
Crushed it.

Fuck yes. Fuck yes. Fuck yes. Oh my god.

Chris 2:08
How’s that feel?

Haney 2:08
Oh, so good.

Cosmo memory?

Cosmo memory?

Chris 2:11
The fucks that?

Haney 2:12
I dunno, but I’m taking it. Key to the basement. Oh, Odin!

Chris 2:16

Haney 2:16
Odin materia. Shit now I have to go to the basement, umm just gonna heal everyone up real fast just in case. Deadly waste is how I heal everyone right?

I was so pleased I was in the zone. I was focused. I fucking hit it with summon after summon after summon just started casting magic like you wouldn’t believe. Made him switch to the magic resistance and then just started wailing on him with physical. I was really happy with how this fight went out. fucking won, crushed it and got ourselves a little prize.

Chris 2:50

Haney 2:50
A key! Also fucking materia!

Chris 2:54
Yeah.Good good materia.

Haney 2:56
Good. Good. So this is actually the second materia I got this episode, we forgot to mention that the Red Dragon back in the temple of the ancients gave us Bahamut. And this one gave us…

Chris 3:06

Haney 3:07
Odin, uhh Bahamut’s really fucking sweet. Odin might be a little sweeter, though. They’re real good. I’m real. I’m just fucking stoked to have them. I want all the summons man.

Chris 3:17
Yeah, we got a couple to go. I know one I think is definitely going to become your favorite.

Haney 3:21
Oh, excellent. So far. I think Odin is probably my number one with Bahamut in a close second and then Shiva in third. And the rest kind of just petered out there. Unless it’s fat chocobo then skyrockets immediately to number one.

Chris 3:33
I’m- I’m still saying dude, wait till you see fat Odin.

Haney 3:37
Shut up.

Um, we take the key and proceed to the only known locked door in the mansion, which is in the basement, use the key on the door and get just fucking Halloween high jinks all up in this business. There’s coffins, there’s bats, there’s cobwebs. It’s a treat. In the center of the room is a very much not like background object coffin that’s like ‘hey, I’m vibr-, bright purple and vibrant. You should probably interact with me.’ Struggled a few minutes with my mind trying to figure out how to interact with it.

Oh, Chris it’s a coffin. Chris it’s a coffin. Are you ready?

Chris 4:19
Just a dead body. It’s just a corpse.

Haney 4:22
Oh, well. That’s okay. I can’t do anything. Hello?

Chris 4:27
This room sucks. They’re literally just a locked room with nothing in it.

Haney 4:31
I mean, there’s a coffin that’s very intractable but I just don’t know what we’re doing here.

Chris 4:36
Hard to call it interactable if you can’t interact with it.

Haney 4:38

Are you- are you fucking with me?

Chris 4:42

Haney 4:42
Is this nothing is this- Look just everything about this screams there’s a vampire in here, Chris.

Chris 4:47
World building my man.

Haney 4:49
Stop I will fu- I’m glad my wife backed into your car today, I’ll say it.

I managed to get the coffin to have the fucking lid blow off.


Chris 5:03
What’s in the coffin?

Haney 5:04
What’s in the coffin? Well, Chris, there guy in the coffin.

Chris 5:09

Haney 5:09
We uhh find a new elite jogger to join our team named Vincent of the Turks.

Chris 5:17

Haney 5:17
Bwomp bwomp bwomp!

Haney (As Vincent) 5:19
To wake me from the nightmare. Who is it?

Haney 5:23

Haney (As Vincent) 5:25
I don’t know you. You must leave.

Chris (As Cloud) 5:28
You were having a nightmare.

Haney (As Cait Sith) 5:31
Mreow, you glad you woke up?

Haney 5:32
So glad I brought Cait Sith in here to keep the mood light.

Chris 5:35
Didn’t you choose a new voice for number two?

Haney (As Vincent) 5:38
A nightmare. My long sleep has given me time to atone.

Chris (As Cloud) 5:43
What are you saying?

Haney (As Vincent) 5:44
I have nothing to say to strangers. Get out. This mansion is the beginning of your nightmare.

Haney 5:51
Well listen-

Chris 5:51
Way past there dude.

Haney 5:52
Listen dog. This mansion has been my nightmare for several several hours.

Chris (As Cloud) 5:58
You can say that again.

Haney (As Vincent) 6:00
Do you know something?

Chris (As Cloud) 6:01
Like you said this mansion is the beginning of a nightmare. No, it’s not a dream. It’s for real. Sephiroth has lost his mind. He found the secrets hidden in this mansion.

Haney (As Vincent) 6:11

Chris (As Cloud) 6:12
You know Sephiroth?

Haney (As Vincent) 6:13
You know Sephiroth? You start first.

Chris (As Cloud) 6:17
Why don’t you have a seat?…And that’s how it is.

Haney 6:20
Thats literally what it says, incredible.

Haney (As Vincent) 6:24
So Sephiroth knows he was created five years ago, and about the Jenova project.

Chris (As Cloud) 6:28
Now it’s your turn.

Haney (As Vincent) 6:30
Sorry, I cannot speak.

Haney 6:32
What a dick. At this point, I was kind of expecting that it was Vincent in the room like I was fairly certain. But I didn’t realize that he would be a former Shinra employee, let alone a Turk. Like that’s pretty legit. So I really want to know what his deal is. He just doesn’t seem interested in what we’re selling.

Chris 6:50
He says some good things though.

Haney 6:52

Chris 6:52
He says A.) Sephiroth was created.

He does say Sephiroth was created.

And B.) Sephiroth was also born from-

Haney 7:01
A human! Well, at least an earthling, we don’t know if she’s human I guess but could have been fucking another Red XIII/Nanaki thi-

Chris 7:09
I was gonna say Cait Sith.

Haney 7:12
Cait Sith’s loins just giving birth to Sephiroth.

He also names Sephiroth’s mother for us.

Chris 7:20

Haney 7:20
We find out she is a another scientist who worked with Professor Gast who we’ve, once or twice now, I think heard that name, named Lucrecia and Lucrecia is seemingly Sephiroth’s mother.

Chris (As Cloud) 7:34
The Turks?

Haney (As Vincent) 7:35
Formerly of the Turks.

Haney 7:37
I was not expecting him to be a Turk.

Haney (As Vincent) 7:40
I have no affiliation with Shinra now and you?

Chris (As Cloud) 7:44
Cloud formerly of soldier.

Haney (As Vincent) 7:46
You are also with Shinra, then do you know Lucrecia?

Chris (As Cloud) 7:50

Haney (As Vincent) 7:51
Lucrecia. The woman who gave birth to Sephiroth.

Chris (As Cloud) 7:54
Gave birth? Wasn’t Jenova sephiroth’s mother?

Haney (As Vincent) 7:58
That isn’t completely wrong, but just a theory. He was born from a beautiful lady. That lady was Lucrecia, she was an assistant to Professor Gast of the Jenova project. Beautiful Lucrecia.

Haney 8:11
I’m feeling like Vincent might have some feelings for Lucrecia.

Chris (As Cloud) 8:16
A human experiment?

Haney (As Vincent) 8:17
There was no way to cancel the experiment. I couldn’t stop her. That was my sin. I let the one I love, the one I respected most, face the worst.

Haney 8:28
Now that we know that Sephiroth knows his father and didn’t like him, we assumed that he was probably a human because he was putting so much on his what he perceived as as not human side, which was you know, him thinking Jenova was his mother seems like Sephiroth was just an ordinary old human now doesn’t it Chris? Now that we have some of the conversation.

Chris 8:47

Haney 8:48
Sucks to be Sephiroth because he has some big plans, I think that bank on him not being human.

Chris 8:53
We also learned that Vincent appear- Well, he straight up says like, I love Lucrecia.

Haney 8:58
Yes. Yeah. Yeah, he was like the one I couldn’t save the woman I loved from like her fate or whatever. And like that was just another sin for me. He’s real big on sins, and like, seems to think that like staying in his coffin in this basement rotting away is atoning for his sins. I do wonder how- if Vincent’s another experiment though, because he seems to be like, okay, after being in the coffin for like, God knows how long without food or- or pee pee breaks.

Chris 9:25
Well, we did see that he was put in there by a scientist.

Haney 9:28
That’s true. Yeah.

Chris 9:29
And if we know anything about Shinra…

Haney 9:31
Boy, do they like to experiment.

Chris 9:32
Sure do.

Haney 9:33
Um, yeah. I think at this point, I did everything possible to like, try to trigger anything because he refused to get out of the coffin. I was like, Chris, if I leave. Am I gonna lose this chance to get VIncent? Chris is a dickhead and wouldn’t tell me and he’s like, I don’t know, man. Just gotta see what’s gonna happen.

I guess. How many times do you think I’m gonna have to wake this asshole up?

Haney (As Vincent) 9:54
Let me sleep. Let me sleep.

Haney 9:56
It won’t let me-

Chris 9:57
A lot to unpack.

Haney 9:59
So I’m assuming Since I named him I can PFS him into my party now.

Chris 10:02
That would be kind of rude, don’t you think?

Haney 10:04
How do I get him? I don’t want to fuck this up. Come with me.

Chris. I don’t. I don’t want to. I don’t want to fuck up. I want him.

Chris 10:16
I’m not telling you shit.

Haney 10:18
If I leave and I don’t get him, I’m gonna be so mad.

Chris 10:20
This is also your one chance to get him.

Haney 10:22
Is it?

Chris 10:22
It doesn’t reoccur.

Haney 10:24
You really want me to fuck this up don’t you? I can tell.

Chris 10:26
What do you want?

Haney 10:27
I wanna know how to get him.

Chris 10:30
This mansion sucks. Iet’s fucking bounce dude.

Haney 10:33
No. We’re literally not leaving until I can figure out what I need to do. I named him. You said once you name them they’re- they’re in there.

Chris 10:41
I’ve lied before.

Haney 10:43
Hmm. So I finally bailed and as we’re running out of the thing, Vincent’s like wait!

Chris 10:49
Floats into the screen.

Haney 10:50
Floats on screen. Oh, yeah, I forgot he floated on.

Chris 10:52
He’s so goddamn cool.

Haney 10:53
He’s so cool. And he’s just like, ‘If you’re going after Sephiroth, I probably should come with you just make sure you don’t get hurt.’

Ah thank God!

Haney (As Vincent) 11:02
Wait. If I go with you, will I meet Hojo?

Haney 11:06
I’m not doing it again. I said what I said.

Chris (As Cloud) 11:08
Don’t know. But we’re after him and Sephiroth. So I guess sooner or later.

Haney 11:12
Turns around.

Haney (As Vincent) 11:14

Chris 11:16
You want to keep reading it?

Haney 11:17
Oh shit! Sorry. Sorry. I was just so into it. I fucking forgot to read it.

Haney (As Vincent) 11:22
Being a former Turk I may be of help.

Chris (As Cloud) 11:24
All right then.

Haney 11:25
I totally was just sucked in. Yeah yeah yeah yeah!

Chris 11:31

Haney 11:31
Holy shit, can’t use him for a while.

Chris 11:33
Gotta stick with the Dream Team.

Haney 11:36
Do I though? I’m pretty sure I’m putting Vincent and Cid in, fuck it. I really want to try them. Do you think he thinks he owes it to this Lucrecia woman?

Chris 11:46
I don’t know. But you want to know something fun?

Haney 11:48
I do.

Chris 11:49
You know that Dirge of Cerberus game we’ve brought up?

Haney 11:51
That you’ve brought up? Yes.

Chris 11:52
That I’ve brought up that one time?

Haney 11:53
Dirge of my balls. Yes.

Chris 11:54
Dirge of your balls?

Haney 11:55

Chris 11:55
Main character you play is Vincent.

Haney 11:57
Oh, excellent. That’s cool.

Chris 11:58

Haney 11:59
What is Cerberus? I mean, like I know what Cerberus is like classically, it’s the three headed dog but like…

Chris 12:04
Yeah, I guess we’ll see.

Haney 12:05
Is Vincent a three headed dog is he n-

Chris 12:07
Yeah, turns out-

Haney 12:08
He’s Nanaki’s brother.

Chris 12:09
Turns out he’s just a big puppy.

Haney 12:10
Anyway, we got Vincent.

Chris 12:13

Haney 12:13
That’s the long the short of it. I got the jogger.

Chris 12:16
He’s pretty sweet.

Haney 12:16
I decided to put him and Cid in my party. And at this point, I’m flying real high. So I look at Chris I was like, ‘You know what? One character is not enough for me this episode. I’m going for the big finish. I’ve got the goods. I’ve got the smarts. Let’s do it. So pack my boys, Cid and Vincent up into the Tiny Bronco, boat back over to the fucking Temple of the Ancients because that’s where we saw the mystery ninja the first time and uh-

Chris 12:44
Some real boy time energy going on.

Haney 12:46
Yeah, it was real good. Like real, real boys night kind of stuff. Good stuff, you know, proper stuff.

Well, fuck Nibleheim. I’m out of here.

Chris 12:54
Never again.

Haney 12:55
Literally never again. Maybe I don’t know, actually. But take my buggy.

Chris 13:00
Where are you going with this?

Haney 13:01
I think I’m gonna go to-

Chris 13:04
Right over these.

Haney 13:05
Shit. Do I have to- I’m not going. I’ll leave my buggy here. I don’t want I don’t want the buggy right now. I want-

Chris 13:11
Where we’re going, we don’t need a buggy.

Haney 13:15
So here’s what we’re gonna do.


We’re gonna try to get to Bone Village, but I don’t remember where it is.

Is that Rocket Town?

Chris 13:23
That is Rocket Town.

Haney 13:25
Just gonna take a quick second to pop into Rocket Town. Gonna see how uh- how Shera is doing.

Chris 13:30
Probably doing better than when Cid lived with her.

Haney 13:35
Welcome back to uhh Rocket Town. Just immediately get arrested by Rufus. Looks like no one’s that mad that we’re here. Just an AK-47! Let me handle your weapons, kid. All right, Temple of the Ancients. Not this way. Temple of the Ancients is literally the opposite direction, I’m learning.

Make our way back over to the forest outside the Temple of the Ancients and just start trolling for encounters. Get our first encounter. It is a bunch of bugs.

Chris 14:07
Took care of them.

Haney 14:08
Yeah, they’re fine. I think I used a summons against them because I’m really mad. Second encounter though mysterious ninja. Get into a fight. Fucking kick her ass. I used Bahamut against her- a one shot kill. Laid her to rest.

All right come here ninja!

Chris 14:29
Come out and play-yay.

Haney 14:31
I genuinely think I broke my only chance to get her but we’ll see.

Chris 14:35
We’ll see. I definitely wouldn’t tell you if you missed it too.

Haney 14:38
I know that’s what’s upsetting me and you said we needed to just- hey!

Chris 14:44
Kill it! Kill it with Bahamut!

Haney 14:47
Literally what I’m doing Chris. She’s not gonna make it through this.

Chris 14:52
There will be nothing left to join after this.

Haney 14:54
Remind me not to save. I’m not doing the fucking save point. That was obviously garbage.

Chris 15:01
Not reminding you of shit.

Haney 15:06
I’m gonna play it cool with her. I’m gonna pretend like I don’t want her.

Chris 15:08

Haney 15:09
You ready? Well… watch her party-wipe me. Think she’s gonna be okay? She can’t take a little Bahamut? Come on.

Chris 15:25
Well, here we are.

Haney 15:27
Oh, that wasn’t the right one- all right. Let’s try that again.

Chris 15:30
Welcome to the grind time, mother fucker.

Haney 15:33
And we get that all too familiar, traumatizing scene of Mystery Ninja lying dead on a forest floor with the save point near us. This time I did not go for the save point because that was the last time that was what bumblefucked me up and started some dialogues. I can’t quite remember the exact perfect dialogue here. But the first time I seemingly chose the wrong thing at some point, I made it through about three dialogue choices before Yuffie was like, sorry, excuse me-

Chris 16:02
Mysterious Ninja please.

Haney 16:03
Mysterious Ninja was like, yeah, I’m just gonna leave. She didn’t steal anything from me this time though, which was cool. But this gave me hope that there was more options for me to get her so start trolling again. Got into a second fight and decide to use Odin at this point on Mystery Ninja.

Chris 16:21
I really don’t know why she keeps coming after you.

Haney 16:23
Yeah, really, really wouldn’t if I kept summoning gods to crush her every time. Obviously beat her again. And this time we make it through the dialogue choices in the right order.

Chris 16:34
Yuffie is- excuse me Mysterious Ninja is DLC. She doesn’t show up in this game.

Haney 16:39
Fuck off.

Chris 16:42
I mean, not as a party member.

All right, what do you think I fucked up at?

I think she just doesn’t like you.

Haney 16:48
No, that can’t be it. Oh shit. God damn it. Fuck. Oh, wait, she’s following me.

Chris (As Yuffie) 16:58
Wait, I haven’t even told you my name!

Haney 17:00

Chris 17:01
Yuffie! So if you selected to go into that menu-

Haney 17:06

Chris 17:07
Of your own, she would have disappeared.

Haney 17:09
Fuck yeah!

Chris (As Yuffie) 17:11
Heh-heh, just as I planned. Now all I have to do is a little this little of that. hehehehe.

Haney 17:16
I don’t like that.

Chris (As Yuffie) 17:18
Hey, wait up. Wait for me. Here. I’ll give you back the money I’ve stolen from you. Or what’s left of it…

Haney 17:25
Less yeah. Fuck yeah, Chris.

Kind of just like played it cool was like ahh kind of want you to come with us, but not really like, meh let’s go like if you’re gonna come, hurry up. And she’s like, don’t you want to know my name? And we’re like, no, let’s just go and that seemed to be the trigger. And fucking got Yuffie! She joined my party find out that she is not just Mystery Ninja. She is in fact also Yuffie! Pulled Yuffie into the party as well. And save the game and shut down there. Chris, how you feeling about today’s episode?

Chris 17:58
Got some good chunks out of that. Some- some little bit of extras.

Haney 18:02
I got two new characters!

Chris 18:04
Yeah, you did!

Haney 18:04
Is that have I gotten all the characters at this point? Or is there still more playable characters in the game?

Chris 18:10
Would you consider that a spoiler if I told you?

Haney 18:13
Yeah, let’s not let’s not. Well, I think it’s everyone but I’m not sure. I think it’s everyone I’m aware of. I’m gonna look at my shirt later that has all the playable characters on it be like oh right!


Chris 18:26
So you picked up Yuffie.

I did.

Before she joins your party as you’re walking off screen she kind of rubs her hands together and is like hehehe, perfect exactly as planned.

Haney 18:35
Completely forgot about that. Yeah, so definitely some ulterior motive there that’s gonna be fun.

Chris (As Yuffie) 18:40
What is she up to man? What do you know about Yuffie what she what she planning?

Haney 18:44
I know nothing about Yuffie.

Chris 18:46
You know a couple things.

Haney 18:47
Do I?

Chris 18:48
You know she’s a ninja. Yeah. And she fucking steals your shit.

Haney 18:52
She’s a thief. And a ninja. Gut reaction is she probably wants to either set us up as some sort of scapegoats or for like some robbery she’s planning to commit or steal from us or use us to steal somehow she’s, we’re part of a larger plan, obviously, I don’t think it had to be us necessarily. Like, I don’t think she was like, oh, Cloud, like, that’s the one I want. I think it was just whatever. Like people who are strong enough to beat me like I’ll just like, snag them and use them for some mysterious ends. I think it’s probably something to do with theft. I’d say it’s probably some sort of burglary.

Chris 19:30

Haney 19:30
As one does.

Chris 19:31
Oh, and you can pick her up in any forest that you come across.

Haney 19:35
Oh, it’s not just the Temple of the Ancients?

Chris 19:37
It’s not just the Temple of the Ancients. If you leave Midgar and you walk into a forest, you can get her right at the beginning of the game.

Haney 19:43
Chris, we’re like quite a ways past that.

Chris 19:45

Haney 19:45
How do-

Chris 19:45
You could of- she has the best dialogue options in the whole game too.

Haney 19:49
How do you feel about not having Yuffie up to this point, pained? Would yoy say?

Chris 19:53
So actually, the number of times that you’ve not encountered Yuffie has been more frustrating than anything else in this game so far for me.

Haney 20:03

Chris 20:03
It’s been the most frustrating for me that, like, big thing for me.

Haney 20:08
I haven’t gone through a lot of forests have I?

Chris 20:10

Haney 20:11
Yeah. Do you like, but you can’t guide me. So you couldn’t be like, Oh, why don’t you go check out that forest over there without it being like real suspicious. Acting sus.

Chris 20:20
As the kids say.

Haney 20:21
As the kids say.


Chris 20:24
So frustrating.

Haney 20:26
Wow, you’ve been dealing with that for like 10 episodes now.

Chris 20:30
Yeah, if you remember-

Haney 20:31
Yeah 10 episodes, roughly.

Chris 20:33
If you remember last episode, when I was getting really frustrated when you were headed back to the Gold Saucer?

Haney 20:38
Yeah, you were really mad.

Chris 20:39
Just fucking wander in the forest. Just go into the forest. Dude. Just do it.

Haney 20:43
So you know how much I hate random encounters.

Chris 20:45

Haney 20:46
Which is why I don’t go in the forest cause Pokemon rules you go in the bushes, there’s gonna be more of ’em, you know.

Chris 20:52

Haney 20:52

Chris 20:53
Okay, that’s Yuffie.

Haney 20:54
I’m real excited. I- we saved the game immediately after getting her and shut down. So I have not even put her in my party yet.

Chris 21:01

Haney 21:02
So that’s exciting.

Chris 21:03
She’s my second favorite character

Haney 21:05

Chris 21:05

Haney 21:06
Cloud? Yeah.

Chris 21:06
So that’s Yuffie. She’s fun.

Yuffie is fun.

Um, I think that sums it up.

Haney 21:11
Perfect. Well, listener, thanks so much for listening. And we’ll see you next time.

Chris 21:15

Haney 21:16

Thank you so much for listening to the First Encounter podcast. If you enjoyed the episode, please go leave us an Apple review. They make a huge difference and we would really appreciate it. Additionally, you can find all of our past episodes and how to connect with us on Please come say hi.

Join us next time as we play up to the point where we find Aerith and get insulted by Sephiroth’s mom. Thanks so much for listening, and we’ll see you next time.

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